Stuck

Life runneth over and I am feeling like I am drowning in what I want to call "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" My emotional and physical pains combined paralyze my spirit and the way I get about. Tis' the season for lots of apt. break ins and they are happening during the afternoon hours now when and if I can juggle down the stairs to hobble my way about for a walk about the grounds. God I miss Doug. I am so lonely. All I do is sit and cry. I find it harder to get up and want to eat anything. Friends have been there but are all back in there own lives. My income is so limited that I can't afford to do anything except pay my basic bills at present. This is not what I do best , complain. My spirit was soaring with Doug. We had so much love. The 26th of December will be our 12th Wedding Anniversary. I always got back in my gown for us to take pictures and we would watch the video a friend made for us of the ceremony. I miss his hugs sooooooooooo much. Thanks for listening to me vent of how STUCK I am. sorry.

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Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 7, 2010 at 5:19pm

Thank YOU Margarita...HUGS

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on December 7, 2010 at 9:21pm

Hi Ellen, It's hard enough to try and deal with our loss, then we have to deal with the rest of life. The financial end is rotten, people who no longer call because they are too busy,the list goes on. It will be 7wks this Thurs,that Jim passed. Only 7 wks aand it feels like a lifetime. The hugs are what I miss the most. No matter what was wrong, Jim's hug would make it all better. Take care of yourself, Ellen. I'm sending you a Doug hug.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 7, 2010 at 10:13pm

Barbara, Your note with a Doug hug brought tears to my eyes That means the world.Tomorrow is 10 weeks he passed and yes, it seems like forever that he has been gone. Thanks for being here to help me get through this. Jim HUGS to you dear friend.

Barbara Roth said:

Hi Ellen, It's hard enough to try and deal with our loss, then we have to deal with the rest of life. The financial end is rotten, people who no longer call because they are too busy,the list goes on. It will be 7wks this Thurs,that Jim passed. Only 7 wks aand it feels like a lifetime. The hugs are what I miss the most. No matter what was wrong, Jim's hug would make it all better. Take care of yourself, Ellen. I'm sending you a Doug hug.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on December 7, 2010 at 10:41pm

Ellen, You're welcome !!! I like the idea of Doug and Jim hugs !!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 7, 2010 at 10:49pm

ME TOO!

Barbara Roth said:

Ellen, You're welcome !!! I like the idea of Doug and Jim hugs !!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Debbie Treadway on December 8, 2010 at 10:08am

Ellen, never be sorry for venting on here. That's what we are all here for to listen and help each other any way we can. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I will say a special prayer for you and be thinking of you on the 12th. Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 8, 2010 at 4:48pm

Thanks Debbie for the note. It is most kind of you to say extra prayers for me on the 26th for my 12th Anniversary. It will probably be a rough day. HUGS~

Debbie Treadway said:

Ellen, never be sorry for venting on here. That's what we are all here for to listen and help each other any way we can. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I will say a special prayer for you and be thinking of you on the 12th. Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 8, 2010 at 4:49pm

Margarita, Your stopping by means a great deal. Thanks. Hope you too are OK. HUGS.

margarita chacon said:

ELLEN LOTS OF HUGS FOR YOU YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 8, 2010 at 4:58pm

Kathy, Your note is so kind and a blessing. I have just been so out of sorts. No, this is really not who Ellen was. I am a believer of positive attitude, facing what we are dealing with full force and growing stronger but surprise, I am broken. Lost and lonely and so despondent at times with my life. So yes I appreciate with all my being the support I get from others dealing with similiar situations. I too keep waiting for Doug to come home and cry every night. Today is 10 weeks.I may need an ear or a shoulder some day. Hugs and take care of Kathy. Ellen~

kathy obiedzinski said:

ellen:i am so sorry about what you are dealing with right now. i ask myself when is this going to stop ellen you seem to be a very strong person i say this because of what you tell me when i want to vent out if you have to cry get angry that is ok i think it is part of the grieving it was 21 months and i still cry and yell i am the only one home and before i do anything i make sure my sister is not home to hear me. all i hear is that he is not coming back but i can dream he will. ellen if you ever want to talk i will give you my phone # and i will call you so you can really vent out and i have 2 ears to listen and 2 shoulders to cry on take care

Permalink Reply by bc on December 8, 2010 at 9:14pm

Ellen you can vent anytime on here, that's what we are all here for. We are the only ones who understand. I even have many times after 16 months when it hits me in the stomach all over again and I'm so scared of my future alone because we had so many dreams yet to share together. We all have to stick together in this life that we didn't want but we've been pushed into it and we have to try and draw our strength from our loved ones. Brad was always my rock and now its gone so I have to try to go on alone. I'm here for you!

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 8, 2010 at 9:38pm

Thanks for your strength. BRAD hugs to you!

Barb said:

Ellen you can vent anytime on here, that's what we are all here for. We are the only ones who understand. I even have many times after 16 months when it hits me in the stomach all over again and I'm so scared of my future alone because we had so many dreams yet to share together. We all have to stick together in this life that we didn't want but we've been pushed into it and we have to try and draw our strength from our loved ones. Brad was always my rock and now its gone so I have to try to go on alone. I'm here for you!

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 8, 2010 at 9:38pm

Thanks for your strength. BRAD hugs to you!

Barb said:

Ellen you can vent anytime on here, that's what we are all here for. We are the only ones who understand. I even have many times after 16 months when it hits me in the stomach all over again and I'm so scared of my future alone because we had so many dreams yet to share together. We all have to stick together in this life that we didn't want but we've been pushed into it and we have to try and draw our strength from our loved ones. Brad was always my rock and now its gone so I have to try to go on alone. I'm here for you!