My beloved husband of 37 years passed away a year ago from lung cancer. He was only a social smoker before we married, but quickly became addicted. I blame myself every day for his death, if I had never smoked, maybe he would still be alive.

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Vickie -- My husband died of lung cancer a year ago -- he was 79 -- he quit smoking 50 years ago!  Please don't blame yourself.  I am convinced that it is more about genetics than the scientist know -- my husband's sister had breast and brain cancer, and another brother died of lung cancer just months after my Chris, but his parents did not have any known cancer.  Sometimes we just have to admit that we don't really know very much, and stop trying to make sense out of it.  We ask God, "Why?" and, when we don't get an answer, we make up our own.  We want to make all the puzzle pieces fit -- but, life --(and death)  just isn't that simple.  I am convinced that there are things we must endure that we will NEVER understand.  We aren't meant to.  

Sending you hugs and hope

Barbara

what a very gracious reply Barbara. xo



Barbara Sullivan said:

Vickie -- My husband died of lung cancer a year ago -- he was 79 -- he quit smoking 50 years ago!  Please don't blame yourself.  I am convinced that it is more about genetics than the scientist know -- my husband's sister had breast and brain cancer, and another brother died of lung cancer just months after my Chris, but his parents did not have any known cancer.  Sometimes we just have to admit that we don't really know very much, and stop trying to make sense out of it.  We ask God, "Why?" and, when we don't get an answer, we make up our own.  We want to make all the puzzle pieces fit -- but, life --(and death)  just isn't that simple.  I am convinced that there are things we must endure that we will NEVER understand.  We aren't meant to.  

Sending you hugs and hope

Barbara

Thank you for your kind words & the hug!

:)

Vickie, my husband also died of lung cancer -- he had not smoked in more than 50 years -- yet the doctors told us that the type of cancer he had was caused by cigarette smoking.  I had quit smoking for 3 years before his diagnosis, but started smoking again after his death -- and continue to smoke.  After losing my Chris, I personally do not care if smoking causes cancer or not -- it just doesn't matter.  He didn't smoke -- and he died.  I did smoke -- and I live.

Don't hate yourself for smoking -- hate cancer!

Sending you hugs and prayers for peace

Barbara 

.  

We can not prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence” from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)...I agree, please do not blame yourself.

Such wonderful words and true.

Barbara Sullivan said:

Vickie -- My husband died of lung cancer a year ago -- he was 79 -- he quit smoking 50 years ago!  Please don't blame yourself.  I am convinced that it is more about genetics than the scientist know -- my husband's sister had breast and brain cancer, and another brother died of lung cancer just months after my Chris, but his parents did not have any known cancer.  Sometimes we just have to admit that we don't really know very much, and stop trying to make sense out of it.  We ask God, "Why?" and, when we don't get an answer, we make up our own.  We want to make all the puzzle pieces fit -- but, life --(and death)  just isn't that simple.  I am convinced that there are things we must endure that we will NEVER understand.  We aren't meant to.  

Sending you hugs and hope

Barbara

Vickie,

It is common for someone in your shoes to feel the way you do.  As  Barbara mentioned when we don't find answers to our questions, we can be left to come up with our own explanations.

However, as TCGOODWIN said, there is no need to blame yourself.  

I would like to point you to a resource that can help you make sense of things and give you better perspective on why things happen the way they do.  There are answers.

Start with this short video: Why Study the Bible?

Afterward feel free to browse the site: JW.ORG   Things will get better Vickie.  May God continue to support you through this.

Hello Vickie . I'm new to this group and this site. I've been looking for a support group for a while now. I understand how you feel, except that I was married for 16 yrs and I also lost my husband to illness due to Lung Cancer. My Danny was only 44 and died Sept. 29 of this year. He fought since 2012. I too feel gulity because we first met we were only in our early twenties and I told him to quit smoking. I didn't at the time. He tried but I started after a few years, so he continued. He smoked since he was a kid, his whole family did, now only a few still smoke. But he's the only one who got cancer and died. I feel that if I had made him stick to quitting and not started he'd still be here. Also, I feel like I didn't do enough to help him in his last days. I feel like he speaks to me, and he's told me nothing we did would have changed this outcome. He was tired and in constant pain. It was his time. And he's okay now, well and can see me and hear me. Have you tried speaking to your husband? It helps sometimes. The pain is overwhelming still. And I'm waiting to have a heart attack or get cancer so I can join him. I know it's wrong, but I don't want to stay here without him. But he told me, I have just enough time to do what God needs done, whatever that is. I'm sorry for talking you silly. You should pray and talk to him. I read this saying that says "As long as we exist, and the soul never dies our connections to each other also never die". He's on the other side, waiting for you, and he can hear you. Look for the signs he sends you like flowers you like, or birds you've never seen...he'll communicate with you, even in songs. Danny sent me the song by Air Supply, "Babe I Love You", when I was thinking that maybe he left me because he didn't want to be with me anymore, that I drove him nuts. I sat in the car, in shock, and cried. 

I will never, ever be okay again. But it does get easier with time.


Tonya Janowski said:

Hello Vickie . I'm new to this group and this site. I've been looking for a support group for a while now. I understand how you feel, except that I was married for 16 yrs and I also lost my husband to illness due to Lung Cancer. My Danny was only 44 and died Sept. 29 of this year. He fought since 2012. I too feel gulity because we first met we were only in our early twenties and I told him to quit smoking. I didn't at the time. He tried but I started after a few years, so he continued. He smoked since he was a kid, his whole family did, now only a few still smoke. But he's the only one who got cancer and died. I feel that if I had made him stick to quitting and not started he'd still be here. Also, I feel like I didn't do enough to help him in his last days. I feel like he speaks to me, and he's told me nothing we did would have changed this outcome. He was tired and in constant pain. It was his time. And he's okay now, well and can see me and hear me. Have you tried speaking to your husband? It helps sometimes. The pain is overwhelming still. And I'm waiting to have a heart attack or get cancer so I can join him. I know it's wrong, but I don't want to stay here without him. But he told me, I have just enough time to do what God needs done, whatever that is. I'm sorry for talking you silly. You should pray and talk to him. I read this saying that says "As long as we exist, and the soul never dies our connections to each other also never die". He's on the other side, waiting for you, and he can hear you. Look for the signs he sends you like flowers you like, or birds you've never seen...he'll communicate with you, even in songs. Danny sent me the song by Air Supply, "Babe I Love You", when I was thinking that maybe he left me because he didn't want to be with me anymore, that I drove him nuts. I sat in the car, in shock, and cried. 

I know

Vickie said:


Tonya Janowski said:

Hello Vickie . I'm new to this group and this site. I've been looking for a support group for a while now. I understand how you feel, except that I was married for 16 yrs and I also lost my husband to illness due to Lung Cancer. My Danny was only 44 and died Sept. 29 of this year. He fought since 2012. I too feel gulity because we first met we were only in our early twenties and I told him to quit smoking. I didn't at the time. He tried but I started after a few years, so he continued. He smoked since he was a kid, his whole family did, now only a few still smoke. But he's the only one who got cancer and died. I feel that if I had made him stick to quitting and not started he'd still be here. Also, I feel like I didn't do enough to help him in his last days. I feel like he speaks to me, and he's told me nothing we did would have changed this outcome. He was tired and in constant pain. It was his time. And he's okay now, well and can see me and hear me. Have you tried speaking to your husband? It helps sometimes. The pain is overwhelming still. And I'm waiting to have a heart attack or get cancer so I can join him. I know it's wrong, but I don't want to stay here without him. But he told me, I have just enough time to do what God needs done, whatever that is. I'm sorry for talking you silly. You should pray and talk to him. I read this saying that says "As long as we exist, and the soul never dies our connections to each other also never die". He's on the other side, waiting for you, and he can hear you. Look for the signs he sends you like flowers you like, or birds you've never seen...he'll communicate with you, even in songs. Danny sent me the song by Air Supply, "Babe I Love You", when I was thinking that maybe he left me because he didn't want to be with me anymore, that I drove him nuts. I sat in the car, in shock, and cried. 

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