I'm not on here much lately, but Barb and Connie got me thinking about how much you all mean to me.  I am where I am today because of all of you!  That goes for our new friends who I may not have even had a chance to talk with yet and all my "old" friends who have become a part of me along the way.  Life is busy with my last semester of school, our three kids, a new granddaughter, and my niece that lives with me (who just came home from the hospital), but I still try to check in a read a few comments here and there and my heart breaks every time I read about a new friend added to our list.  The stories that our new friends share and the encouragement you all give them not only helps them, but puts things into perspective and helps me, too! 

Yesterday was Tom's two year Angelversary.  It amazes me that I have made it this far...that I can get up each morning, do what needs to be done, and keep moving forward.  As I have always said I will not move "on", but I will move forward because life insists that I do.  I am a new person now from what I was those two years ago.  I have gained back some of my strength, I have definitely gained back my confidence and although there are days that are definitely not easy, I am able to smile again more than I ever thought would be possible.  You have all helped to make that happen for me.  You all show courage and strength everyday...and I don't think you ever realize you do, but your words are strong and courageous and they help to bring about healing. 

Tom is my one true love and I will hang onto him forever!  I feel no less married now than I did two years ago and as much as I loved Tom back then, I love him even more now.  He is my heart, my love, my life.  I miss him everyday and would give anything to have our perfect life back, but we all know that is not to be.  So, for now I bear the burden of this new life without Tom; I will love my children, friends, and family and hug them tighter than I did before.  I will wait my turn to be back with Tom and live my life as I should while waiting. 

You ALL are a part of the special group of friends that I hold especially close.  You have given me so much encouragement and healing just by sharing your loves, yours stories, and your hearts. So, thank you ALL for the healing you have given me, the encouragement you have offered, and the strength to keep me moving forward.  You are all amazing people who understand me more than my closest friends or family ever could.  You "GET" what I feel, you walk this walk right beside me and carry me through this journey.  So, with enormous gratitude...THANK YOU for always being there, always listening and understanding...and most importantly for helping me heal a little more each day!!!

I love you all and keep you close in my thoughts and prayers!

 

As a very special friend would say....


HUGS TO ALL...HUGS ARE GOOD!

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Replies to This Discussion

Marlena,

My goodness, I can barely type through the tears. THANK YOU  for being you & sharing when you can~ You have been a blessing to me.  You remain in my prayers. Best wishes for you & yours always and of course, HUGS! Christy

This really its a great group of people, and I get so much from all of the comments... I did my taxes today. When I walked into the tax office...i dissolved into tears... I was soon back under control. When I signed our last joint tax forms as surviving spouse, I was prepared for it because of a post I read here. I was not blindsided. I had another first this week...someone that felt uncomfortable around me when I spoke of changes in my life because my husband is gone. Oh well... I tell people about my on line grieving group.... It is 24/7 not once a month ... If you can go. HUGS TO ALL
Marlena, Thank you for all your help. Hugs.
Marlena, Thank you for all your help. Hugs.
Marlena, what you have said is so true,even tho it took me almost a year to find this group.I sure wish I had found it earlier everyone that was here then was a godsend.I do believe you were one of them, without all the wonderfull people who were here then I don't know where I would have been now. Who knew that a group of people who are going thru the most horrifect unbelievable loss of their lives could be of comfort to each other. To be able to give such encourgment at a time when your world as you know it has ended was and is unbelievable. That is why after almost two years next month I'm still here trying to be of some support to our newer members. Even tho many of us older ones have moved on and as heartbreaking as it is to come and read  the pain, I still feel the need to come here everyday and sometimes a few times a day. At times it is hard to respond, hard to say it will get easier because one never thinks it will or perhaps we don't want it to because all we really want is to be with our loved ones. I will continue my thoughts in a bit for now it's time to get the boy up for school. Hugs
  I'm back and the boys in school lol. As I said I still come here everyday to read the comments even tho somtimes it is hard to know what to say. As some may or may not know I am now in a relationship,I've written about it on my page and he also still comes to the site everyday.This is one of the reasons, not the only reason I find it a little hard to respond.  I feel that when you are grieving the loss of your spouse or partner you don't want to to hear from someone who has found someone new. Most if not everyone can't imagene ( sorry for the spelling ) as I did that you would want to be with anyone else,because all you want is to die and be with them. I know many think how can you do that if you loved your spouse so much.Well I want to say that just because you find someone else doesn't mean you love your spouse any less ! We share and understand the pain and don't need to hide our feelings,we were not looking for someone new but it happened. That being said, as Marlena said life insist we move forward wether we want to or not. I  was as many of you are in such a deep dark depression for well over a year even with meds untill on day laying on the couch staring aimlessly out the window, comming to this site several and I mean several times a day  something  came over me and I said I am not going to lay on this couch and wait to die, I am going to live my life untill my time is up. I was disabled almost a year before my husband passed and had nothing but time on my hands. My husband was sick for 10 yrs. and my life revolved around taking care of him and working then boom nothing he was gone, I couldn't work my life was over. When I finally had that revalation  ( not a church goer but do believe ) life bacame bearable again. I started going out with friends for lunch or dinner,making myself get out. I think it is important for us older members to be here to share our journey with the new members to give encourgement and hopefully some guidence as was given to me when I found this wonderfull site. Hugs to all and yes hugs are good.
,Virginia said:
Marlena, what you have said is so true,even tho it took me almost a year to find this group.I sure wish I had found it earlier everyone that was here then was a godsend.I do believe you were one of them, without all the wonderfull people who were here then I don't know where I would have been now. Who knew that a group of people who are going thru the most horrifect unbelievable loss of their lives could be of comfort to each other. To be able to give such encourgment at a time when your world as you know it has ended was and is unbelievable. That is why after almost two years next month I'm still here trying to be of some support to our newer members. Even tho many of us older ones have moved on and as heartbreaking as it is to come and read  the pain, I still feel the need to come here everyday and sometimes a few times a day. At times it is hard to respond, hard to say it will get easier because one never thinks it will or perhaps we don't want it to because all we really want is to be with our loved ones. I will continue my thoughts in a bit for now it's time to get the boy up for school. Hugs
Marlena and Virginia,  Monday it'll be 5 months since I lost Jim, and the pain is still rather harsh. I need to hear that it will get easier, so I thank you both for giving me a glimmer of hope. I'm on that horrible emotional rollercoaster, one minute I'm proud of myself for all I've accomplished since Jim left, the next minute I'm a basket case. So please do me a favor, please check on us, give us some hope that it does level out. I miss Jim so much, 38 yrs together and now I'm alone. Hugs to all.
Hi Barbara, thank you for your kind words. 5 months is nothing in the grieving process so please don't be to hard on yourself. When I was at 5 months I was like a zombie with no energy or gumsion to do anything. The only reason I even got up and moved was really to take care of my cats I have 13 indoor ones and at the time 5 outdoor ones and it was so hard to get up to take care of them but they needed me. I was put on anti depresent meds right away I knew I would need them even tho I was always a strong person. I felt after awhile they weren't helping so I stopped taking them boy what a mistake I was even in worse shape,it's funny how you think something isn't working till you stop it. I am still on them today at a higher dosage and if I'm on them the rest of my life so be it. When you have spent so many years with someone I don't think you ever get over lossing them but you learn how to cope with it better.As I said earlier it will be 2 yrs. next month for me and Randy and we are still grieving our loss and yes we still have bad days but we are fortunate enough to understand it and respect each others feelings. Nothing will ever be the same as it was but thankfully we both understand and are able to be here for each other.I truelly don't know where I would be today if I were still alone I would like to think I would be ok but I'm not so sure I would be because making yourself get out and do things is one thing but at the end of the day when you come home your still alone. I don't have any plans on leaving this site so no worries there. Hugs

Barbara Roth said:
Marlena and Virginia,  Monday it'll be 5 months since I lost Jim, and the pain is still rather harsh. I need to hear that it will get easier, so I thank you both for giving me a glimmer of hope. I'm on that horrible emotional rollercoaster, one minute I'm proud of myself for all I've accomplished since Jim left, the next minute I'm a basket case. So please do me a favor, please check on us, give us some hope that it does level out. I miss Jim so much, 38 yrs together and now I'm alone. Hugs to all.
I thought  today is a good day to bring this back. I think we all have each other to thank for being here and offering support to each other.Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in our own sorrows and worries.It is so good to see how most of us can forget our sorrows if just for a few minutes to give someone else support ! To know we are not alone and crazy means so much. Where would we be without this group !!!! Thanks to those here now and those who have left. Hugs
Marlena, you are so right. This place has such special people & we have all learned so much from each other. Helps us all so much. I didn't find this site until after a yr, and now at 2 1/2 yrs, & I've have made so many LIFELONG FRIENDS here. I'm thankful for that.  Love, Prayers & Hugs to all!
Marlena, you are so right. This site is so wonderful & helpful to all of us. I didn't find it until after a yr, & now at 2 1/2 yrs. I have made some lifelong friends here & I'm so thankful for them. We all learn from each other, which is a good thing. Love, Prayers & Hugs to all.

Christy,

Thank you.  I think of you often and know that no one else can imagine what you are going through.  I'm so grateful that we all have each other to lean on just to make it from one day to the next. 

Hugs! 

 

Christy said:

Marlena,

My goodness, I can barely type through the tears. THANK YOU  for being you & sharing when you can~ You have been a blessing to me.  You remain in my prayers. Best wishes for you & yours always and of course, HUGS! Christy

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