Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on August 22, 2010 at 10:24am

Hi Gail,
I have the same issue. My husbands c remains are sitting by the bed. I can't let go of them. The closure was there since I saw him die why do I need to throw out the ashes since they are all I have physically left of him. Maybe one day like you I will bury/scatter them. Everyone in the family says I should. How did you come to the decision?
Hugs,
Vicky

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 22, 2010 at 12:07pm

Gail, You are in my thoughts and prayers. What a difficult decision it must be - what to do with the ashes! My husband was not buried nor cremated, he was entombed in a crypt at the masoleum. It was what he wanted and where he wanted to be. We did not talk about death very much but this is one thing that he made clear to me was where and how he should be taken care of. I visit him most every day and somehow I feel a closeness because I know that the remains of his physical body are there behind the marble. I rest my head against the marble and feel that I am close to him. I now just wait for the day when they put me next to him so that I can reach over and hold his hand. I always loved to hold his hand and one day I will do it again.

Permalink Reply by Connie on August 22, 2010 at 12:07pm

Gail, You are in my thoughts and prayers. What a difficult decision it must be - what to do with the ashes! My husband was not buried nor cremated, he was entombed in a crypt at the masoleum. It was what he wanted and where he wanted to be. We did not talk about death very much but this is one thing that he made clear to me was where and how he should be taken care of. I visit him most every day and somehow I feel a closeness because I know that the remains of his physical body are there behind the marble. I rest my head against the marble and feel that I am close to him. I now just wait for the day when they put me next to him so that I can reach over and hold his hand. I always loved to hold his hand and one day I will do it again.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 22, 2010 at 12:27pm

Vicky, You will know when and if. You are the only one who will know and as far as everone saying what you should, everyone is different and does things when it's right for them, good luck

Permalink Reply by gail stewart on August 22, 2010 at 12:52pm

Hi Vicky
I think what made me make the decision was the fact that I realized that wherever he was buried I would follow. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.
I live in Pa. and my step daughters live in Ma. and S. Carolina. I have no family at all here, so I thaught that I would relocate. I do have a nephew in Asheville N.C. who wants me to relocate there. I did visit him there and really like it. I need to do something because is much more than I can afford at this time.
I am retired now but will need to find a job. I could do that in Asheville.
It is amaizing all the twists and turns that we are all going thru.
I know that this site is really going to help me, but that decision was mine alone.
Hugs
Gail

Victoria (Vicky) Owensby said:

Hi Gail,
I have the same issue. My husbands c remains are sitting by the bed. I can't let go of them. The closure was there since I saw him die why do I need to throw out the ashes since they are all I have physically left of him. Maybe one day like you I will bury/scatter them. Everyone in the family says I should. How did you come to the decision?
Hugs,
Vicky

Permalink Reply by TINA GREER on August 22, 2010 at 3:26pm

My husband was also cremated. I have a locket that I wear that has a few of his ashes as well as a lock of his hair. Our children will each get some ashes, as well has his brother. We took some of his ashes and spread them at one of our favorite fishing spots. I will definitely keep most of them. Someday, when it is my time to go, I will tell the children to combine mine with his, then they can do what they want to with them. I could never bear to part with all of them... they are all I physically have left of him.

Permalink Reply by mary heinrich on August 22, 2010 at 4:06pm

hi Gail

My husband passed away Nov 19,2009 - He was creamated after the funeral mass and most of his ashes went into a cryupt in the monsalueum at the cemetary on dec 26,2009. I wanted him to have a final resting spot before the new year. My funeral director suggested i keep some of the ashes as i have a phobia of funeral parlors and cemetarys as when my dad passed away 20 yrs ago , i slipped at the cemetary and almost fell in the hole for his casket- so i bought a small shaped heart when i made the funeral arrangements. This heart sits on my fire place mantle. This way i know he is close to me - I have not been back to the cemetary since dec 26 and have no intention - so keeping a few of his ashes was the best thing ever suggested - Gail that is my suggestion to you- keep a few of his ahes as well

Permalink Reply by gail stewart on August 22, 2010 at 4:51pm

Thank you Mary. Since I will be moving away from Pa. I think this is a great idea.
I am sure not too many other people had a experience like that. That would definitely have me fearful
Everyone has been so kind and helpful on this site.
Gail

mary heinrich said:

hi Gail

My husband passed away Nov 19,2009 - He was creamated after the funeral mass and most of his ashes went into a cryupt in the monsalueum at the cemetary on dec 26,2009. I wanted him to have a final resting spot before the new year. My funeral director suggested i keep some of the ashes as i have a phobia of funeral parlors and cemetarys as when my dad passed away 20 yrs ago , i slipped at the cemetary and almost fell in the hole for his casket- so i bought a small shaped heart when i made the funeral arrangements. This heart sits on my fire place mantle. This way i know he is close to me - I have not been back to the cemetary since dec 26 and have no intention - so keeping a few of his ashes was the best thing ever suggested - Gail that is my suggestion to you- keep a few of his ahes as well

Permalink Reply by gail stewart on August 22, 2010 at 5:01pm

Thank you Tina. That is a good idea. I guess each of us deal with the situation differently. I plan to leave Pa. at some point since I have on one here. Indiantowngap military cemetary is just beautiful. I really think this was the right choice for me. We will be together there some day.
Hugs
Gail

TINA GREER said:

My husband was also cremated. I have a locket that I wear that has a few of his ashes as well as a lock of his hair. Our children will each get some ashes, as well has his brother. We took some of his ashes and spread them at one of our favorite fishing spots. I will definitely keep most of them. Someday, when it is my time to go, I will tell the children to combine mine with his, then they can do what they want to with them. I could never bear to part with all of them... they are all I physically have left of him.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 25, 2010 at 1:30pm

gail: i would like to let you know it is ok for what you are doing with the ashes of your husband my husband sister passed a few years ago the son still has her ashes. also m husband brother passed also at that time his ex wife has the ashes in his bedroom she feels comfortable doing this when you are ok to do what you want to do with the ashes then i say do it but if you want they have a pendant that you could put a little ashes in so you still have something of your husband hugs

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 25, 2010 at 6:29pm

HI GAIL,
MY HUSBAND WAS CREMATED AND PASSED AWAY FEB 26TH 2010. I HAD PLANNED ON SCATTERING HIS ASHES, BUT SUDDENLY REMEMBERED THAT HE HAD TOLD ME HE WOULD LIKE TO BE BURIED WITH HIS FAMILY. SINCE WE HAD TO RUSH WITH THE MEMORIAL SERVICE SO QUICKLY BECAUSE OF HIS CHILDREN NEEDING TO GET BACK TO ARIZONA, WE DIDNT BURY THE ASHES UNTIL JULY 28TH. I FELT A LITTLE SAD OF THE PROSPECT OF REMOVING THE ASHES FROM MY HOME, BUT KNEW I WAS DOING WHAT MY HUSBAND WANTED. THE CEMETARY IS OH SO BEAUTIFUL AND IT WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL SPOT TO VISIT.I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU ON THE 26TH AND WISHING THAT SOMEONE COULD BE THEIR WITH YOU. GOD BLESS.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on August 25, 2010 at 8:44pm

Gail,
You should do what you feel in your heart is right. That is all that counts. My husband left me 10-29-08 & I still have his ashes. When I did a new will, my niece (I have no children) asked me what they should do with both our ashes, as I also wish to be cremeated. I told her she should take them when she & hubby went to Cancun, & scatter them, as we'd had so many super great times there. The kids don't need to keep them, & why spend more $ they don't have to bury them. Am I stupid.................. You are in my prayers. Hang in there, cause we are all together here.