I am new to the group. I am new to all of this. I lost my husband of almost 6 years 5 months ago. Everything has been going so fast that I'm feeling a bit out of control. When everything happen I was living in Il near my in laws. My parents and family all came out to help me. In the whirlwind of the funeral and people coming in and out it was all a blur. My mom stayed in Il with me. The next thing I know I'm back at work because I just wanted to do something "normal". Not the best idea. I work with the public and having to relive everything like 10 times a day was so draining. I also at that time got a group of Bobby's friends together and had a memorial scholarship benefit. It was a great success and made me feel like a piece of him would live on in the boy who gets the scholarship. Then I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not stay in our house. That I had to move because I could not do it alone and the fact that my mother was still with me 4 months later. I know my family was making sacrifices for me and I did not feel like it was fair of me told keep everyone else on hold. So, here I am in Florida now. My house in storage, my life upside down and sleeping I my childhood bed. It's like I'm on a strange vacation. Only now is everything really starting to hit me. I am truly blessed to have the amazing support that I do, but I still feel very much alone. I have guilt for leaving, I have guilt for taking steps forward. I know that is what Bobby wants me to do,but it's just so hard to picture myself doing anything without him by my side.

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I lost my husband in March this year. I still cry every day I don't think I will ever be happy again I feel like I just exist. It's not living living means you are enjoying life to its fullest and I don't feel like that anymore I just try to take one day at a time. This support group is amazing. The love they share openly to us all is a godsend. I truely believe I would not be alive today without these folks. I'm new to my grief. I don't post often but I read everyone's posts. It really helps me get through another day. You can pour your heart out here and we all will be here to pick you up and help you get through another day. With family and the public you have to pretend your okay sometimes it's exhausting. You can be open and honest here and we all understand the hell you are going through.
Thank you Jan. I know what you mean when you say that you just exist. When people ask me how I am I just say " I'm doing". Not much more to say than that. Reading some of the post made me realize that I needed to join to be able to talk with people that are dealing with the same crazy.

 Hi Gia   First of all  sorry for your loss...   I know it is hard  and seems like we live in a Fog

or that we have a Fog around us.  I have'nt posted for awhile either, but I do read all the posts & that in itself is helpful.  Have you gone to a Beravement class?  Most Churches have it,

and Hospitals can reccomend one.  I found that to be helpful in my case.  I didn't have anyone to support and or help me at all, which of course made it much harder.   I also felt people didn't think it was that difficult  because I too was Married for 5 years, especially my family  didn't give me hardly any support at all,  I feel they thought  oh well she wasn't married that long, but loss is loss!!  and of course this site is wonderful  Or maybe even u might want to find one on one counseling.  I lost my Husband 1 1/2 yrs ago & I miss him every day   he an I were both retired, so we spent everyday together   I have no children so  its been so very very hard    the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, but it will get better  but it's different what helps me is  that so many people have harder things that they go through than us  ie illness   disability etc.  But just take it one day @ a time  Sorry you had to move on top of everything else   but it might be a blessing to live in a different house, not as many memories & so glad u hv yr mother.   Take Care.. one day at a time...   dyan


I feel that way that some people make the time thing an issue. Yes we were married just shy of 6 year. We were together just shy of 10. The other thing, that is a WHOLE OTHER ISSUE, is that we had been trying to have a baby for along time. We were in treatment. Bobby died on a Friday and that Monday we were to do IVF. We waited so long for that moment. It was all taken away. Then I get, " it's good that you didn't have kids". My in laws said " thank God we didn't have kids because how awful it would be for them because I had to move. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my. Yes, THANK GOD because a plane trip would be so awful. I know that it would have been hard to deal with a baby. My sister in law has passed as well and I know how hard it is on my brother in law and the kids,but when things are bad he can look at them and see part of her. I will never know what our kids would look like. I just wish that after all the years of tears every month that we could have shared tears of joy. There is just so much left undone.

Hi, Gia. First, let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I also am fairly new to this. My husband of 39 years passed away May 3rd at what I consider fairly young. He was only 66. Of course, yours was much younger. I have had some experience with grief since we lost our eldest son on December 13, 2006 at the age of 32. You never get over a loss like that. But, it is so much different to lose your spouse. At times it feels as it some of my body has been cut off. I rejoice for Larry because he is no longer in pain and has been reunited with his loved ones, especially our son. I hope and pray that you can begin to focus on what you did have with your husband during the 6 years you were together.  Just remember, it is one day at a time, and sometimes one hour, minute, or second.

Hi Jan, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband and son. I thank you for your support. I am very thankful and grateful for the time we did have together. I'm a so grateful that every single dat we told each other how much we loved and appreciated the other. We had a love that some people don't get to feel in their whole lifetime. I thank God for letting me have my true love, my soulmate. I try really hard to focus on the good. Thank you for putting me back on the right rack of not dwelling on what could have been


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