Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Maureen Gilman on May 10, 2013 at 10:14am

It's so very early for you. Give yourself time. Concentrate on taking care to eat, sleep and drink lots of water. This group is very helpful. Keep coming back!

Permalink Reply by sandra lee pirozzi on May 10, 2013 at 12:09pm

hi angela, i know what u are talking about.for me going to therapy helped it did not take pain away but it got me out of the house. i also went to a bereavement group at a church once it was too soon for me. maybe going to one of these or both may help a little. it's almost a year since my husband of thirty yrs. has passed away. im back in therapy it helps to talk my daughter comes home at night also i'm alone most of the time. sorry for your loss hope this helps alittle. 

Permalink Reply by Charley Solyom on May 10, 2013 at 1:22pm

I am, after almost 4 weeks of grieving, starting to feel better, even though there are times when I have to break down. I sense God using me  and wanting me to seek Him and get closer to Him. In doing that, I feel not only closer to Him, but closer to my wife. I know this is extremely hard, maybe you don't want to recognize God, but He is there, right there, as well as your husband. I think we are at a time when we all need to seek Him, find Him, and have a close relationship with Him. I found a site that really helped me. It is www.bible-knowledge.com/seek-the-lord. I'll keep you in my prayers. Charley

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on May 13, 2013 at 5:07am

Angela ..  You are just starting into the grieving stage and still in shock and in a fog.  The fog lasted almost a year for me, but by the second year it lifted and I was facing reality.  I don't have a big family either and I know how you feel about feeling lonely.  It is normal to feel tired and take naps; some people experience insomnia or vivid dreams; some over-eat or don't eat all that much and trying to deal with grief is very exhausting.  Our lives have been turned upside down.  I'm 71 and didn't anticipate that my husband would pass away so soon (he was almost 4 years young than I.)  Don't worry about trying to fit in anywhere right now.  You could perhaps find a widow's group in your area that will help out a lot and of course counseling does help.

I too dread weekends and it because we use to be with our spouses and either stayed home and enjoyed each other's company or went out or visited friends and it's not uncommon for some of your married friends to desert you.  They often don't know what to say or do.  During the week days without realizing we can pretend sometimes that our spouses are either at work or, they're on a trip.  I know I did this, but eventually I realized my Ernie wasn't coming back.

Each person grieves at their own pace so don't try to rush things.  Even if you don't feel like getting out of bed make yourself.  Do a few small chores and keep adding onto the list each week.  Don't try to take on too much and give yourself time to rest.  Don't make any big decisions the first year.

It's nice to see you post Angela and please keep coming back so we can be here for you.

Hugs

Marsha

Permalink Reply by Angela Giallombardo on May 13, 2013 at 3:47pm

Marsha, my husband was 4 years younger than me too. I am 67, will be 68 in July. He turned 64 in December. He just went away, like that. No warning. It is killing me. He took early retirement so he was here all day. He drove me back and forth to see my mother in a rehab center. Now, I feel bad for making him do that, the last months of his life. I just can't believe that he's really gone. Thank you.  

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on May 15, 2013 at 12:32am

Angela ... we have a lot in common.  Ernie was going to retire the year he passed away (perhaps work a few hours a week so he wouldn't get bored.)  He was ill with pancreatic cancer and the stress he had ovr the rate of survival (for both of us) but he worked right up until the day before his surgery (surgery was none other then April 1, 2011 April Fool's Day!)  Like you and your husband we did a lot together.  Ernie also wanted to drive me places no matter how ill he was and I think our husbands needed to do that to make themselves feel they were still capable of doing things. You should never feel guilty about that Angela.  I kept Ernie busy with light chores and would ask him if he felt like going out or having guests over and sometimes we did and sometimes not and that was the last months before his death as well.  Men want to keep as busy as possible and you did all the right things hon ....  keeping life normal.

 

Hugs

Marsha  
 
Angela Giallombardo said:

Marsha, my husband was 4 years younger than me too. I am 67, will be 68 in July. He turned 64 in December. He just went away, like that. No warning. It is killing me. He took early retirement so he was here all day. He drove me back and forth to see my mother in a rehab center. Now, I feel bad for making him do that, the last months of his life. I just can't believe that he's really gone. Thank you.  

Permalink Reply by Angela Giallombardo on May 15, 2013 at 8:57am

Hi Marsha,

I am having such a hard time dealing with this. It's getting worse as the days pass. Jim had his chores too since he retired. He would empty the dishwasher every night, he would take our dog for a walk and drive me whenever I had to go visit my mom. I miss him more as the days pass. Somebody,  gave me the number of a grief counselor. I am going to give her a call as soon as we finish cleaning out mom's apartment.  Hugs to you.  

Permalink Reply by Charley Solyom on May 15, 2013 at 9:51am

It's horrible seeing all these people walking and doing things together. And all you want is your partner, no one else will do, no matter what they have or what they look like. I sink myself into writing songs, gardening, my dogs, and most of all, talking to God. Just one day at a time, nothing more. Eat well, try something new, like cooking Japanese food, or reading a book. I read a good one called "Heaven is for Real", about a little boy who died and then came back, how he eventually reveals his story about passing on. My prayers are with you, and this place is great. Hoping this day is good for you. Charley

Permalink Reply by Angela Giallombardo on May 15, 2013 at 10:13am

Thank you Charley. I did manage to put up a pot of beef soup this morning. My daughter and son in law will come up to eat it with me. They have been ordering out every night so I thought, I would give them a home cooked meal.  I'm finding it very hard, even to cook. My husband and I had dinner together every night.  Just 2 1/2 weeks ago, my life was so busy, now nothing. My daughter has been busy, cleaning out mom's apartment. Hope you have a good day too.

Permalink Reply by Charley Solyom on May 15, 2013 at 10:50am

Angela Giallombardo said:

Thank you Charley. I did manage to put up a pot of beef soup this morning. My daughter and son in law will come up to eat it with me. They have been ordering out every night so I thought, I would give them a home cooked meal.  I'm finding it very hard, even to cook. My husband and I had dinner together every night.  Just 2 1/2 weeks ago, my life was so busy, now nothing. My daughter has been busy, cleaning out mom's apartment. Hope you have a good day too.

I know what you mean. I'm sitting here in school(teacher) and thinking about this long lonely summer coming up. Romona and I always did things together, not big trips, but she was always there with me, at the store, watching me golf, at the movie theater. I am so full of anxiety-just like that-and feel like I can't breathe at times.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on May 16, 2013 at 3:44am

Hi Angela ...  Those daily routines our spouses did are the things we miss the most.  Today I had my husband's best friend come and help me clean out the garage and even after 2 years since my husband passed away I came across pictures; some of his personal effects and I had to come into the house and have a good cry simply because I felt like I was cleaning out forever all the memories we had together.  I realize these items are material things, but they were still part of what we were as a married couple.  It made me feel so alone and longing for him even more. 

I am so happy you are going to see a counselor Angela.  I am thinking of trying to find a counselor as well and it's not easy in the town I live in.  I am trying so hard to get a life, but at my age it takes so much of my energy.  I have to find out where I fit into this new position of life.

I hope things are a little easier on you and very happy you keep posting on this forum because the members sure have gotten me through some very dark days.

Hugs to you

Marsha