We Survived

I haven't been on here much lately so I was catching up and read about how we all handled Christmas this year. This was my second Christmas without Brad and yes, there were tears but not as many as last year. I have finally realized (with the help of my special friends) that we have to try and be positive and remember the good memories and be thankful for them. I don't like the pain, but as they say, "I wouldn't have missed the dance" for anything. I feel that Brad is proud of me for getting out of the depression because he never wanted to see me sad, I feel that I have made him happy now and since I have started my "positive living" I have had more dreams of him and he is always smiling at me. I have felt more peace lately and I have Brad to thank for that.

For the new people, it may seem impossible, but its really not, you have to go through all of the pain and the stages in order to find some peace. Be patient and while living in the past, take care of yourselves and live in the present also. This doesn't mean we will ever forget our loved ones, I will never forget Brad, I live my days now with him in my heart.

I thank my sisters that I have found here, also my brothers and I am happy for each of you who have found some peace and made the decision to do more than exist for our loved ones.

I wish you all a New Year of peace and many positive days!

Barb

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Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on December 30, 2010 at 8:56pm

Bless you Barb for sharing and BRAD HUGS and smiles always to you. Ellen~

Permalink Reply by bc on December 30, 2010 at 8:57pm

Thanks Ellen, Hugs to you always also! Hang in there, one step at a time!

Ellen Brant said:

Bless you Barb for sharing and BRAD HUGS and smiles always to you. Ellen~

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on December 30, 2010 at 10:59pm

Thanks Barb, Yesterday was a real bad day for me, just too much with Jim and Mom so close together. I prayed to God for more strength. I feel more determined to survive and to get on with life today, hope it continues. It's very easy to slide down that dark tunnel of depression. Thanks for the positive outlook. I am fortunate to have people like you and others here to help me through. I will try harder to be more positive.Thank you again. Have a peaceful New Year.

Permalink Reply by bc on December 31, 2010 at 4:25pm

I'm here for you anytime. I also just lost my mom the week before Christmas. Now a good friend of mine and Brads suffered a heart attack last night and was gone for 10 minutes. His wife brought him back, now we are praying he wakes up and no brain damage. I wish for you a 2011 full of positive thoughts and peace. Hugs to you!

Barbara Roth said:

Thanks Barb, Yesterday was a real bad day for me, just too much with Jim and Mom so close together. I prayed to God for more strength. I feel more determined to survive and to get on with life today, hope it continues. It's very easy to slide down that dark tunnel of depression. Thanks for the positive outlook. I am fortunate to have people like you and others here to help me through. I will try harder to be more positive.Thank you again. Have a peaceful New Year.

Permalink Reply by bc on December 31, 2010 at 4:25pm

Thanks Barb, Yesterday was a real bad day for me, just too much with Jim and Mom so close together. I prayed to God for more strength. I feel more determined to survive and to get on with life today, hope it continues. It's very easy to slide down that dark tunnel of depression. Thanks for the positive outlook. I am fortunate to have people like you and others here to help me through. I will try harder to be more positive.Thank you again. Have a peaceful New Year.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on December 31, 2010 at 6:23pm

Hope your friend will be all right. Thank you for being here. Hope we all have a peaceful and positive New Year. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on December 31, 2010 at 7:50pm

Yes you have gone thru so much, dealing with your husband and now your Mother, I know you are now under still more grief. You sound so positive thru, that I am so thankful you seem to be dealing so much better with everything.

You are so very right in advising the new people on this site; that it is not impossible,we can go on and be deal with and be happy with life. I lost my Kevin before you lost Brad. Kev's been gone for just over 2 yrs now, but YES, it still hurts and there is a hole in my heart that will never heal; but I have now learned after all the stages we must go thru, that I can go on, and will with a positive outlook on life. I cherish all the memories I have with him, but life is for the living, and hey, last time I checked, I'm still alive, so be it --- I will go on and so will you will you. There is hope for all of us, and those who don't see it, are not looking forward at all, but dwelling on what can't now be.

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Nonnemacher on January 1, 2011 at 12:07pm

Barb, First I want to wish you a Happy New Year, may 2011 bring you Peace, Health and Happiness. It has only been 3 months on the 28th since my Ron is gone, and I miss him terribly. Thank you for your positive attitude and hopeful thoughts. My Ron was such a happy person, upbeat and inspiring attitude so I am trying my best to follow this each day. Before Rons passing I always had the attitude " The glass is always half full." and I shared these thoughts with others. Now, my glass is empty, and am trying to fill it one drop at a time. Hopefully, this new year will be better. Peace to you.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Satterthwaite on January 1, 2011 at 6:09pm

Beautifully said Barb.

Nancy

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on January 3, 2011 at 3:22pm

Ah...the holidays (which I have to say that I am relieved are over....) This year, I did not go to one mall, store or shop except for a supermarket or dry cleaners; I bought no gifts, wrapped no presents, did no decorating, bought no tree - I just did not want to participate in Christmas or New Year's - on Christmas Day, I spent half the morning at the California Institution for Women, Corona, CA - prison was exactly what I felt like - you would not believe how _many_ people visit a prison on Christmas Day - there were 200 lined up in front of the Visiting Building at 8 AM (they open at 8:30) - I've been part of a prison ministry since 2001 - the first lady I visited (and who had been found suitable for parole ELEVEN times was finally released in August, 2010)...I was matched with another woman, and I visited her.

Got back home around 1, and then worked on a production problem and a database refresh - Servers Never Sleep, Nor Do Data Centers - I worked for the rest of the day, and just stayed in.....New Year's Eve, worked also, New Year's Day, went to Mass, and also did some work (Life Of A Database Administrator)

Last Christmas, I think I was still very numb; this year, I _know_ Byron is dead; I _know_ he's not coming back, and I miss him so very, very much - and I miss all the things that could have been, and will not ever be....and some have told me that I use work to cope - yes, I do, but I have done a _lot_ of crying in parking lots and at home, by myself......I just did not want to get into the holiday, this year - and we shall see what next year is like....

Peace, Comfort, Blessings and a Happy New Year to you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins

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