What a year can bring

It will be a year on August 17th that my husband died of a brain anurism.No warning...12 hours later he was dead...I still can't comprehend it.I thought I was finally on the path to healing,but it seems to be getting worse,not better.Guilt returns,overwhelming sadness when I least expect it...total inability to move sometimes..no self confidence at times..I don't trust my own instincts..I go on buying binges..Thank god I don't drink any more.I am on anti-depressants,but they don't really help.I seem to be going backwards.I am short tempered,want my own way all the time..good thing I live alone.lol.No patience,Don't care if I eat[I have lost some weight]No ambition,I just don't care about anything.I cry more now.I have a job as a Graphics Designer,but I mostly work from home,so I don't get in contact with too many people.it does make me get up in the morning,though.

My husaband'e family has apparently wrtten me off after 35 years.i find that strange,but people do what they do.My ex,and father of our daughter has been the most supportive of any one.Inviting me to stay at their home at the beach[he's been re-married for 36 years.his wife is great,too]They were the ones who took me in when my Husband died.they liked him so much!

I think,if there is a God,there is a plan,but I also believe in fate,and when it's time,you go.I am trying to see how I can get my life and myself back,so that what ever time I have is well spent,but I just can't move.

I was always a strong and outgoing person,but not now.I can't do parties or gatherings..I feel so awkward,and i was always the party-girl;social.etc..Not now.I hope I get through this BIG set-back..I'm sure I will but it is HARD! and lonely and very sad.

Do others feel this way,too?

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Permalink Reply by Linda G. on July 17, 2011 at 10:50am

Floss, I too do not like the way I am now. Yesterday instead of doing things around the house that needed to be done, I played on the computer looking up trips I could take. I would think to myself that trip or that trip would be nice to go on, but then I thought with who? Then I would think, well I will just go by myself and then I would think is that safe? I even looked up "trips for widows" and all I could find was trips and cruises for "singles". I don't want to go and meet anyone, I would just like to go to be with people who are in the same situation. Oh well being on the computer keeps my mind busy and that is a good thing. HUGS

Permalink Reply by Linda C on July 17, 2011 at 11:18am

Go to this link. It has alot of useful information and they have something called Camp Widow each year. You might still be able to go to the one this year, but not sure if the registration is closed yet. The author of the book (Widows Wear Stilettos) also has a blog, which is very interesting in itself!

www.widowswearstilettos.com

Permalink Reply by Floss on July 18, 2011 at 2:52am

Linda, I will be going away for a 3 day trip with ten ladies from our solace group. It sounds very full on. Its a Calypso(Christmas) in July event. So we have 2 nights sleepovers, at different hotels, sightseeing. As I live in Australia, our summers are very hot in December, so they always put on these Christmas in July parties, being our winter, for the people to experience cooler christmas's. lol. This will be the first time, I will be sharing a hotel room with anyone but my husband. The same for the other lady as well. At least we all no one another. I am looking forward to it as they are fun ladies, I so wish we could live near one another. I was apprehensive about going, but then thought, I may not have an opportunity to go somewhere on my own, again. I know it's only 3 days, but I am quite looking forward to it, take my mind off being in an empty place for awhile, Just thought I paste, my itinery, hugs.

Permalink Reply by Floss on July 18, 2011 at 3:02am

hi everyone am so excited, am going on a 3day tour, just thought I'd post my Itinery.

Day 1 - Sunday/Wednesday (MT,L,D)

We head off from our home port for our three day comedy event, Calypso Christmas in July on the Coral Coast. Join us for a festive, vibrant and colourful short break tour featuring the talents of `Footlights Theatre Company.’ Coach departs from Roma Street Brisbane, Gold Coast or by group arrangement, heading north and stopping for morning tea at Gympie duck Ponds. We meet `Mary Christmas’ dressed in festive period costume for a historic city tour of Maryborough, before lunch at the Carriers Arms Hotel. Our after noon takes us to the city of Bundaberg where we check in to the Bert Hinkler Motor Inn or Park Lane Motel.

Day 2 - Monday/Thursday (B,L,D)

This morning we embark on a cruise on the Bundy Belle, for a scenic cruise with commentary, on the glorious Burnett River. We cruise to the Lighthouse Hotel where we disembark for lunch followed by an afternoon visiting the Port of Bundaberg, the Rum Distillery Souvenir Shop, onto the historic town of Childers where you can visit the memorial for the Palace Hotel backpackers. Return to our Motel to rest and freshen up for our Calypso Christmas in July dinner and Show. Enjoy a traditional 3 course meal Christmas Dinner and comedy variety show themed 'Tropical or Calypso'.

Day 3 - Tuesday/Friday (B,L)

Depart Bundaberg at 8.30am heading for home, stopping at Dingo Creek Winery for lunch and entertainment by 'The Grand Man'. Returning at 4.30pm

Sorry about the errors, couldnt edit, as I think it's because of copy and paste

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Permalink Reply by Floss on July 18, 2011 at 4:10am

Hope everyone is feeling a bit better today, and dont think I am sounding too happy. I am actually, because I will be spending 3 days, with people, that have lost their spouses, so we all get on well, and enjoy each other's company. I am just hoping we have longer get together's in the future. love to All

Just thought it was easier to copy and paste, than me trying to explain our little trip. lol

Permalink Reply by Linda G. on July 18, 2011 at 9:14am

I am so envious of you Floss. I know you will have a wonderful time. Be sure to post about the good times you are having.

A friend of my youngest son is going to Australia in September. I am not sure exactly why he is going, I'll have to ask him. I saw him yesterday and joked with him about having my suitcase ready to go with him.

You have a wonderful time. HUGS

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on July 18, 2011 at 10:12am

Floss, this sounds like so much fun!! I had no idea you lived in Australia - very cool....:) My daughter's boyfriend is from the Gold Coast, that is all I know, lol....he lives in Vancouver, Canada now. When my daughter was living in Australia she lived in Bondi Beach, and near Sydney. I have an uncle who lives in Victoria. One day I will be taking a trip there! I will have to take a group tour - kind of like you are:) Do have a lovely time with your lady friends!!

Carol

Floss said:

hi everyone am so excited, am going on a 3day tour, just thought I'd post my Itinery.

Day 1 - Sunday/Wednesday (MT,L,D)
We head off from our home port for our three day comedy event, Calypso Christmas in July on the Coral Coast. Join us for a festive, vibrant and colourful short break tour featuring the talents of `Footlights Theatre Company.’ Coach departs from Roma Street Brisbane, Gold Coast or by group arrangement, heading north and stopping for morning tea at Gympie duck Ponds. We meet `Mary Christmas’ dressed in festive period costume for a historic city tour of Maryborough, before lunch at the Carriers Arms Hotel. Our after noon takes us to the city of Bundaberg where we check in to the Bert Hinkler Motor Inn or Park Lane Motel.

Day 2 - Monday/Thursday (B,L,D)
This morning we embark on a cruise on the Bundy Belle, for a scenic cruise with commentary, on the glorious Burnett River. We cruise to the Lighthouse Hotel where we disembark for lunch followed by an afternoon visiting the Port of Bundaberg, the Rum Distillery Souvenir Shop, onto the historic town of Childers where you can visit the memorial for the Palace Hotel backpackers. Return to our Motel to rest and freshen up for our Calypso Christmas in July dinner and Show. Enjoy a traditional 3 course meal Christmas Dinner and comedy variety show themed 'Tropical or Calypso'.

Day 3 - Tuesday/Friday (B,L)
Depart Bundaberg at 8.30am heading for home, stopping at Dingo Creek Winery for lunch and entertainment by 'The Grand Man'. Returning at 4.30pm

Sorry about the errors, couldnt edit, as I think it's because of copy and paste

Search Our Website

Permalink Reply by Linda C on July 18, 2011 at 5:57pm

I do the same thing. Play on the computer instead of cleaning or doing laundry or unpacking or exercising, like I know I need to. I find that online shopping is a stress reliever. Spending too much money, though. I have to quit that. :(

Permalink Reply by Linda C on July 18, 2011 at 5:58pm

Floss, I too do not like the way I am now. Yesterday instead of doing things around the house that needed to be done, I played on the computer looking up trips I could take. I would think to myself that trip or that trip would be nice to go on, but then I thought with who? Then I would think, well I will just go by myself and then I would think is that safe? I even looked up "trips for widows" and all I could find was trips and cruises for "singles". I don't want to go and meet anyone, I would just like to go to be with people who are in the same situation. Oh well being on the computer keeps my mind busy and that is a good thing. HUGS

Permalink Reply by Linda G. on July 18, 2011 at 6:50pm

Linda C., I'm glad to know that I am not the only one who plays on the computer instead of doing the things that need to be done. I have never been a shopper. If I shopped it was for Neal, my sons or grandsons, never for myself. I have always been very frugal with money. But since Neal passed away, I have turned to shopping as a way not to be home by myself. Every day when I go out to do the errons for the business, I go shopping. I too am spending too much money and need to quit. My aunt told me I was just trying to compensate for my lose by spending money. I have got to find something else to do.

Permalink Reply by MaggieP on July 18, 2011 at 9:49pm

This past weekend, I hosted four young ladies from Mexico. They were in Northern Michigan as part of the voices without borders program. It certainly was a change of pace for me. I am so tired tonight, I can hardly stay awake. Talk about doing something different. It filled my home with laughter and friendship. They went home this morning midst many tears.

Permalink Reply by Floss on July 19, 2011 at 6:22am

To all my friends, am off, at 7am, tomorrow, on my 3 Day tour, am looking forward to it now. Dont think I will sleep tonite, not that I do. The coach picks us up at 7.15am. So I will catch up with you all on Saturday night.

The Gold Coast, is an hours drive from where I live in Brisbane. I will say this site, has really been uplifting for me as well, besides going to my group therapy meetings. I am sure I will have a fun time. Love to all. xxxxxxxx