Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary on October 24, 2010 at 1:05pm

Jo,
At the stage of grief you are, there is no way you should make any decision now about this. And when you do decide, you do what you want to do. I will be very interested in the replies from others, as I haven't made that decision yet, but have been thinking about it.
My husband died almost 9 months ago. I won't be able to do anything at the annivesary of his death, as that would be early Feb, and Michigan winters would make that hard to do. I was thinking about something on father's day. That would be a Sunday, of course, and the best day of the week. My problem is the children, his and mine. He was as much DAD to my kids and he was to his own, and there are 7 in total. His children are 80 miles north of us here, so that creates a problem, getting everyone together. But if I plan something far enough in advance, hopefully it will work out. He loved fishing, and the two boys should be able to pick a lake, to maybe sprinkle his ashes, and that is my thought. Will see how that will work our after the winter is over.
Hugs to you, and take your time making any decision at all, and then do what you want.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on October 24, 2010 at 3:58pm

Hi to all, as you have seen my posting on the site about my situation. I agree with Mary, Jo, you do what only you think best and when. I dont have that situation where other people are involved but I still would DO what I want anyway. Am saving to go spread LouAnns ashes in Colorado, as per her wish. I also want the same thing. My son-in-law has both his mom and dads ashes on their mantel till they can afford a headstone for them. Nobody else in his family could even care about it. So good luck in our endeavors to do the right thing, no matter. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Jo on October 24, 2010 at 4:25pm

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, as you have seen my posting on the site about my situation. I agree with Mary, Jo, you do what only you think best and when. I dont have that situation where other people are involved but I still would DO what I want anyway. Am saving to go spread LouAnns ashes in Colorado, as per her wish. I also want the same thing. My son-in-law has both his mom and dads ashes on their mantel till they can afford a headstone for them. Nobody else in his family could even care about it. So good luck in our endeavors to do the right thing, no matter. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Jo on October 24, 2010 at 4:26pm

Jo said:

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, as you have seen my posting on the site about my situation. I agree with Mary, Jo, you do what only you think best and when. I dont have that situation where other people are involved but I still would DO what I want anyway. Am saving to go spread LouAnns ashes in Colorado, as per her wish. I also want the same thing. My son-in-law has both his mom and dads ashes on their mantel till they can afford a headstone for them. Nobody else in his family could even care about it. So good luck in our endeavors to do the right thing, no matter. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Jo on October 24, 2010 at 4:27pm

Jo said:

Jo said:

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, as you have seen my posting on the site about my situation.

Permalink Reply by Jo on October 24, 2010 at 4:33pm

Jo said:

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi to all, as you have seen my posting on the site about my situation. I agree with Mary, Jo, you do what only you think best and when. I dont have that situation where other people are involved but I still would DO what I want anyway. Am saving to go spread LouAnns ashes in Colorado, as per her wish. I also want the same thing. My son-in-law has both his mom and dads ashes on their mantel till they can afford a headstone for them. Nobody else in his family could even care about it. So good luck in our endeavors to do the right thing, no matter. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

I don't know if this will work. I am replying to Randolph and Mary.
My 10 year old Grandaughter,who adored her Grandfather,had a nice idea,She said 'Keep his ashes and when you die[meaning me]I will mix your ashes together and scatter them in a place you both loved,like the ocean,Mass. North Shore.' I thought that was not such a bad idea,so I'm keeping the ashes until............. hugs ARE good.

Permalink Reply by Mary on October 24, 2010 at 4:52pm

Your grandaughter had a good suggestion for you. It certainly is a option. Again, give yourself all the time you need. Your answer will be there when you are ready for it.

I noticed the problem you had replying to our posts. Don't try to respond to us right under what we have typed. Reply in the box between your post and the first response on the page. When you hit the "ADD Reply" button, your typing will post at the botton of ours. Much easier

May God grant you the peace and comfort we all are looking for. Hugs!!

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on October 24, 2010 at 5:19pm

Jo, that was a good suggestion from your g-daughter. I actually came up with that same thought for me and LouAnn. To do us together in Colorado. So like Mary said, that is another option to think about. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by John M on October 24, 2010 at 6:09pm

I too have a little shrine for my wife Andrea. Everybody has such good ideas. I was going to scatter her ashes in the Grand Canyon like we had talked about a couple of times, but since she died in May 2010, I'm still kinda lost.
I was wondering if anybody has run into the Christian problem with cremation? Since we are Christian and had never really thought about it before, I have been beside myself with tears and guilt for thinking because she wasn't buried, I somehow screwed-up her resurrection and eternity.
Just curious.

Permalink Reply by Mary on October 24, 2010 at 6:25pm

John,

There was a time I would never have considered having my husband (or myself) cremated, because he was so opposed to it because of his religious beliefs. But that change in the past few years. We are promised a place with him someday, to those who are faithful and follow him. It is the soul that goes to heaven (our spiritual bodies, not our human ones). Think of those who lose their lives in a fire, or explosion, etc. Would he not receive them, if there is no body to bury.

Even your own words, would God not receive your wife because you had her cremated, I think not. I firmly believe it is what we do before death that is what matters, not what happens to us after death. If your wife was alright with her maker, nothing you did can change her salvation.

May God grant you the peace and comfort we all long for.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on October 24, 2010 at 6:47pm

jo, i think your grandaughter had a great idea. but you do what is best for you to do, so take your time to deceide.i did give my husbands two children a little bit of his ashes. i knew that is what he would have wanted. however he really wanted to be buried in the cemetary with some of his family, so i chose to bury the ashes because that was what he wanted. i just tried to do what i knew he would want. i am so sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by TINA GREER on October 24, 2010 at 6:59pm

My husband passed away on July 5, 2010. I too had him cremated. Each of the kids have some ashes. We all took some of them to our favorite fishing spot and we each scattered a few. His brother and sister wanted a few... I also took a tiny bit, as well as a little of his hair (he had just cut it the night before) and put it into a silver locket necklace. As for the rest, I have no idea what I am going to do with them. I too have thought about keeping some and having mine mixed with his. I just can't seem to part with all of them. To me, it would be like losing him all over again. I know it is just a box with ashes, but it is him. I somehow feel comfort knowing he is still with me.

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