My name is Gail. On May 8, 2010 I lost my sole mate to a very rare cancer that took him in three months. I have two step daughters with lives of there own several states away. I must say that they visited as often as they could and we were in constant telephone communication.
The weekends are so difficult. I have friends who want to do lunch, but they are all married and again have their own lives. I live in Pa. with no family.
I went to my first grief meeting which was helpful. Fortunately I have my dog who is by my side all the time, but my social life is at the dog park.
I think I am doing o.k. I realize that Bob's illness was so sudden I know he was in no pain., but How do I go on. Since we had no-one in Pa we seemed to just do things together, therefore did not really bond with many people here.
I am no longer working, and am unable to find work. I know most of you say you have your faith, but right now I am just mad at God.. Any suggestions?
After being with someone and loving them for such a long time it is hard to move on with life without them. That I do understand. I have a question though...Why are you mad at God (if you don't mind me asking)? Do you think He took your husband?
I am so sorry for the loss of you husband. You will find a lot of people here that will help you through this. I lost my husband 6 months ago. He was my best friend and soulmate. He was diagnosed with cancer last July, and after the treatment was done at the end of the year, the cancer was gone. We expected him to get better, but 5 weeks later he was gone. It was probably from the radiation to his chest. He was unable to breath from the scaring in his lungs. I often feel like I am doing better then a lot of others here on this site. I still have bad days, can cry over the littlest things and at the drop of a hat. We were married 24 years, and our 25 wedding anniversay would have been last Tuesday.
I have never been angry at my husband for dying. He didn't want to die. He was a good man and loved me like no one else could. I can not be angry at God. He gave me this wonderful man. Jim loved God and knew his bible. I feel very close to him when I am in church. He could really sing bass, and I can, still, almost hear him at times. It is very comforting.
I pray for you and others on this site, that you can find peace and comfort. Remember the good times. It will get easier, tho' the missing probably will never go away. Hugs to you
Gail, Please accept my sincere sympathy on your loss. I am sometimes mad at God for taking my husband. Sometimes I am mad at my husband for leaving me. Sometimes I am mad at everyone because it seems as though everyone has someone and I am left without the only man I ever loved in my life. Although I do believe in God and have my faith in God, I still find myself angry and I am not sure that it is actually anger but I think it is intense grief.
I find myself resenting couples as they walk through the stores or wherever because I cannot do that with my husband anymore. I find myself just waiting for the day that I am reunited with him. That is the day that I will find happiness again.
Gail, I don't know where in PA you are but my husband and I grew up in northeastern PA and moved to New Jersey when we married. People in PA are really quite friendly and I am sure that you will be able to find friends there. I wish you the very best in that regard.
Keep your faith Gail and I will remember you in my prayers.
Gail, I know how you feel. I lost my Kevin 10/29/08, and it still hurts like hell, and like it was yesterday. And, yes I still feel mad at God for not making him well and giving us more time. I know that's not right, and I still pray and believe in God, but I guess I am still angry at him. Not a good thing. I promised Kevin I'd be allright (after they took off respirator - he could see us but couldn't communicate except for his eyes - he looked all around & looked angry once when I'd left room until his brother told him I'd be right back) I feel like I lied to him, cause I'm still not allright, although it is getting better) You are very early in the grieving and it will get better, you will eventually have more good days, but I really think the hurt & pain may always be with us. I do work, although I lost my job (company went bankrupt) 3 mos after I lost him; found work 4 mos later at $4 less an hour, but at least I now have benefits. Hard to find work at 62. Hang in there Gail, and believe, as I do that you will always have him and your memories in your heart. Aren't dogs wonderful! I have 4 Bassets and they indeed keep me sane!! Send me a note anytime and I'll respond!
i am so sorry for your loss. i know how difficult it can be . i lost my spouse on feb 26th 2010 . also lost him to cancer within three months of diagnoisis.i also can relate to the lonely weekends. that is when my husband and i had our quality time.i used to live in pa. back in the 60s and 70s. i lived near valley forge. then moved to texas in 1980. i am finding the loneliness is what really gets to me the most. my husband and i did everything together he was my best friend.i never really felt like i needed anyone else. but i didnt ever expect him to die i guess.now i feel so lost and lonely . i can also relate to connie, because i feel so jealous when i see all these happy couples that seem to pop up everywhere.i never even noticed them before and now that my husband is gone i see them everywhere.i miss my husband so very much. i feel like my chest is going to explode with the pain i feel.i dont know why God couldnt have taken me instead of my husband.he could have coped with this lonely life alot better than me.i hope that you will find this website helpful and may GOD BLESS YOU.