Who cares

It has just occurred to me as I sit here with tears streaming down my face, who really cares? Right now, I don't feel like anyone does. Who am I breaking my back for? Do they really appreciate it? I spent all day yesterday decorating the tree and for what? So they can come on Christmas day eat a big meal open gifts then leave. I really feel like I am being taken advantage of. I asked our son a week ago to come over and help me get the decorations out of the attic. Haven't heard from him since. Haven't even seen him in at least 3 weeks and he only lives about 20 blocks away. What is the point? Our son, daughter-in-law and her sister have all chosen to work at 3 in the afternoon on Christmas day...I guess money is more important to them. I do all this baking wrapping decorating and cooking so they can all come over leave a mess for me and take off by 3. Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like reserving a flight and getting the h out of here. I am seriously thinking about it for next winter. Who am I sticking around for? I could go south for the winter...no one would miss me anyway. If they want to see me they can fly down. I have to think about me for a change...no one else does. I sit in this big empty house all winter and cry. I have to change this, this is not a life. Yesterday was 16 months since Larry passed away. It's not like this is something new since he passed away. It has always been like this. Is this Mom's job? Well I can tell you I am tired of it. What for? How about something nice for Mom for a change, instead of let's see what we can get out of Mom. Forget it, I am done!!!!!!!!! Make your own Christmas, like I have always done for everyone else.

Thanks for listening, sorry to be so crusty but I am fed up.

Take care and hugs to all. I know it is so hard for all of us.

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Permalink Reply by Jill Cobb on December 10, 2010 at 2:28pm

I am so sorry. I lost my husband on 9/28/10 and i have seriously thought about skipping Christmas but i have two 17 year olds and an 8 year old. I mentioned to them going out of town this year and they were all for it but then i realized Jason would not want that. But we are really thinking about going on a cruise next year. I think you should do what you want to do, and do it for yourself i am sure you deserve it. If no one else is going to appreciate you show yourself some appreciation and go for it.

Jill

Permalink Reply by Marci Williams on December 10, 2010 at 3:16pm

As I read your posting here, I thought to myself, "she has the answer she needs inside her but doesn't realize it yet". You asked, "How about something nice for Mom for a change"? If it doesn't come from others, why not do it for yourself? It is okay to be good to you.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on December 10, 2010 at 6:29pm

Yvonne,

You go for it! It has been 17 months since my Douglas died and once again I am reminded that my world is still on slow while everyone else's world never stopped. It is our turn to make new celebrations -- OUR celebrations. If others want to partake that is fine, but if not that is not our problem to take on or solve. I'm with you, take a trip and have a great time. We deserve to be happy again. Our lives are different now. We will be okay!

Hugs,

Brigitte

PS: Just know that I CARE and so do the other folks on this site!!

Permalink Reply by bc on December 10, 2010 at 6:53pm

I know how you feel Yvonne, I go to work every day and try to keep it all together and come home to do housework and outside work. I'm fed up too, everyone thinks that I'm ok, well I'm not! Its been 16 months for me also and I miss him so much, we did everything together. No one took advantage of me then, so why now? Do they think that I need something to do to keep myself busy? NOT! I've already decided that next year I'm going somewhere tropical and just sit on the beach. So much for traditional "family" Christmases where we do all the work and everyone else has a good time. I do hope your Christmas is peaceful for you and that 2011 brings all of us some joy. Love you! Hugs, Barb

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on December 10, 2010 at 10:43pm

Thank you so much all for your replies. I knew I could vent here and you would understand. I don't like feeling this way. I got a really nice surprise this evening. Our granddaughter send a red poinsetta to me. She is only 12 years old and knows how much I love them/ Bless her heart. Let's all try to endure the holidays the best we can, I know it will be difficult and at times lonely and pray for a better 2011. I agree we should all go away next Christmas and let someone else wait on us. Take care hugs and love. Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Tereca Megee on December 10, 2010 at 11:57pm

I lost my husband on Oct. 17, 2010. Been a very long and lonely 3 months. The posts and responses here have been a great help to me. On the verge of a meltdown yesterday while going thru some stuff, I found a scrap of me from a meltdown. Have to share, as you have all helped me so much. Hope this helps someone else. "Let go the spirit of the departed, And continue your lifes celebration, For their spirit will always be around you, Forever." They would want us to go on with our lives, find happiness, and enjoy every moment we have on this earth. During his nine week battle with cancer, my husband told me over and over, "Don't cry for me", and I don't. I cry for ME, the things that will never be in the future, and the things that will forever be different because he is not with me physically. But, as he has also told me, Celebrate LIFE. It is too short to be miserable. I will not be putting up a tree this year...to many memories in the collected ornaments. My only child avoids me sometimes because he doesn't want to upset me. But it's all ok. I know Donnie will be there to greet me when my time comes. We can do it all again, only better because there will be no sickness or pain to endure. I often feel he is at my side as I search for ways to get thru this roller coaster ride of emotions. At some point I hope we all find reasons to CELEBRATE LIFE.

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on December 13, 2010 at 10:13am

Yvonne,

I also have felt that no one cares, MANY times since my Kevin left me 2 yrs ago. I have no children; just my 83 yr old Mother, a brother (single/living w/her) & 2 sisters. One sister had said she'd come over this weekend to help me with some things, but never showed up. My brother did cut my grass several times, but usually I have aall the outside work to do - plus inside. One 25 yr old nephew used to come do things when I asked, but he went back in the Army & is in Texas now. I have two dear neighbor friends, who used to come over several times a week to sit & visit with me. Now I seldom see them. Guess they don't think I'm lonely anymore! Hang in there, we are all here for you!

Permalink Reply by marlene westerlund on December 13, 2010 at 9:48pm

yvonne

you can fly south to california,and I will take you for a massage and a nice dinner out/

Permalink Reply by Christy on December 14, 2010 at 7:19am

I live in Georgia & it's been below freezing every morning for about a week- it was 16 degrees today & 0 with the wind chill! You may need a passport to get somewhere warm! :-)

betsy toombs said:

Exactly. That is what will happen on Christmas Eve here.

Come for the presents and something to eat and they are out of here by 6 on Xmas Eve.

It is just my son, daughter and their kids. On Christmas we go to my nephews (all bring something to pass) and do presents. Then that is it. I won't see them til the next holiday or they want a present for one of their kids.

I would love to go south! Right now it is 12 degrees and we have about a foot of snow. Don't know howi am getting to work tomorrow

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on December 14, 2010 at 7:55am

christy: i live in jersey city and the temp today is 19 going up to the mid 20's had a coding of snow but nothing to talk about but it is really cold

Christy said:

I live in Georgia & it's been below freezing every morning for about a week- it was 16 degrees today & 0 with the wind chill! You may need a passport to get somewhere warm! :-)

betsy toombs said:

Exactly. That is what will happen on Christmas Eve here.

Come for the presents and something to eat and they are out of here by 6 on Xmas Eve.

It is just my son, daughter and their kids. On Christmas we go to my nephews (all bring something to pass) and do presents. Then that is it. I won't see them til the next holiday or they want a present for one of their kids.

I would love to go south! Right now it is 12 degrees and we have about a foot of snow. Don't know howi am getting to work tomorrow

Permalink Reply by Christy on December 14, 2010 at 10:07am

Wow, it's crazy that it is actually colder in GA than Jersey! I lived in New Jersey as a child & always told everyone it is just as cold here alot of the time, except we rarely get the beautiful snow! Well, it snowed most of the day Sunday & some yesterday. It was lovely to see, but I was glad it was gone before work Monday morning! I am FREEZing even indoors...more hot chocolate please!
kathy obiedzinski said:

christy: i live in jersey city and the temp today is 19 going up to the mid 20's had a coding of snow but nothing to talk about but it is really cold

Christy said:

I live in Georgia & it's been below freezing every morning for about a week- it was 16 degrees today & 0 with the wind chill! You may need a passport to get somewhere warm! :-)

betsy toombs said:

Exactly. That is what will happen on Christmas Eve here.

Come for the presents and something to eat and they are out of here by 6 on Xmas Eve.

It is just my son, daughter and their kids. On Christmas we go to my nephews (all bring something to pass) and do presents. Then that is it. I won't see them til the next holiday or they want a present for one of their kids.

I would love to go south! Right now it is 12 degrees and we have about a foot of snow. Don't know howi am getting to work tomorrow

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on December 14, 2010 at 10:34am

HI everyone and thank you for your replies. It really hurts to feel so lonely and I think that is the worst part of this journey we are on.

Ok now about the weather LOL, I have you all beat. I live in Saskatchewan Canada and this morning it is really not that bad, it is 18 degrees and supposed to rise to 34 this afternoon, but then it is supposed to start to snow with a risk of freezing rain. We have about a foot of snow now and I won't see the ground again until late March for April. In January it is not uncommon to have -40 with a wind chill. If I go south for the winter it will be to Yuma, AZ. Thank goodness I don't work in the winter but I make up for it in the summer. 7 days a weeks 14-18 hours a day for 5 months.

Take care everyone and let's pray that we make new memories during the holiday season to help carry us forward on this journey.