why is that when there are people a round me i feel so alone and wish they would just go away but when im alone i dont want to be?

I always like to be alone then Shane and I moved in to getther and we were never alone. i when from going to movies alone to always having Shane there and now im alone, but I hate being alone becaues i miss his more then when im with people but when i with peole i just want to be alone because i feel os hollow and alone inside pluse their not Shane. its been 6 months since his death and i have to be going some where to get out of my room. i have lost my love for things i just want to be alone but i dont because thats when the pain cames back of him not here. and know gets that. my otherhalf is gone and im here alone and hollow and there is notthing anyone can do but my faimly think that the feel inside of me shoud be gone by now. I dont like being around them because they make me feel like i should hide my feeling but i really dont like being alone but at the some time i feel alone and hollow all rhe time anyways.

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Boy Staci, I can so feel you on this. It's really the most frustrating feeling, isn't it?! By the time my family left, I was grateful for it to be just my youngest son and I, but then I was so upset when I was alone, even though I went back to work.

I think it's definitely something we have to push ourselves through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even close to being there. I have to push myself out of bed every morning, then when I get home from work, I don't have any ambition to do much more than sit on the couch until bedtime. Even cooking is a "chore" and don't even get me started on laundry.

Just keep dragging yourself out of bed each day, it's half the battle. Eventually, we'll find something that will interest us and motivate us to get moving. I do have a rubber stamp group that I have been in for years, so I do get out a couple times a month. Find something fun to do just for yourself once or twice a month. You'll meet a few new people who will probably be very supportive and allow you to just feel sad if you want to. It's kind of funny how kind strangers can be, even more than our own families sometimes.

Hugs to you - Carinda

Hi Carinda, 

 Your right my new best friend is the couch or bed but i cant even sleep so i live on the couch i stared scrapbooking and i started a puzzle about 4 months ago and it has to be on my really good days just to even think about doing them. your right about the family thing too mine well lets just say they can make me feel like i shouldnt even be saying his name anymore or the pain i have should be almost gone or gone. I wish when i say that i want to have somthing made with him on it or the both us, i wish i would hear his died why would you want a died person on your well or what are you going to do have everything of him. they make it sould like i cant do anything. they just dont get that even every day things like you said are to do i cant even watch tv or sports and im a sports fan big time but these were this we did together and no buddy gets that. that people like us are learning how to live again without are other half and its hard very hard plus it painful and they dont get.

 Hugs back Staci     

Hi Staci ...  I know the feelings you are going through and nothing seems to please us and it's all due to the grieving process.  Sometimes I enjoy being alone and other times too many people around me make my anxiety go up.  It's called wearing 'two masks.'  We wear one in the privacy of our own home where we feel free to express our feelings of our loss and then when out in public we are forced to put on a bit more of a happier face.  I still feel days of being hollow inside and emotionless.  I often wonder if I will ever feel excitement of looking forward to something again or being able to laugh as I once use to.  So many questions to the mysteries of grieving.  Your family is wrong!  Your grief is very raw.  I'm into my 2nd year of grieving and although a little less and I'm forced to face reality I still have my days.  You can't be with someone you truly love with all the memories you had together and then forget about them in a few months or even a couple of years. 

I started a family album for my brother (almost 7 years younger than myself) to be passed onto my nephews so that my beloved Ernie and myself will never be forgotten.  I was shocked that I was able to do it, but it did help me come to terms with some of my feelings with grief.  Volunteering is another good idea or taking up a hobby you enjoy.  I love photography so have a camera and need to dig that out and get going taking some interesting pictures.  It just takes time Staci and don't let anyone tell YOU how to feel about your grief.

Hugs

Marsha

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