Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by cheryl holbrook on April 10, 2013 at 9:56am

Oh Stacp.

My heart goes out to you, my husband has only been gone 2 weeks now , and i feel the same way. I wont eat certain foods because i think of him and how he liked it, or i wont watch a tv show because he didnt like it, everything reminds me of him, just like you are saying.

I dont want to go on without him but  i (we) have no choice. I cant think ahead I take one day at a time. We did everything together as well, He was my best friend, my confident, and now hes not here to lean on. I know he would want me to go on and live ,but i know he would know what pain im in too and take what time I (we) need to learn to re-live so to speak but always remember the times we shared, places we went, and memories we made.

Hold on to the good things you shared and dont push yourself, Im in slow motion these days because i think im still in shock.

My head tells me hes gone but my heart refuses to except it .

Your in my thoughts and prayers ((BIG hug)) ... Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Glen Harrison on April 10, 2013 at 4:58pm

Staci, I know exactly what you mean. It's like life doesn't have meaning anymore now that the one's we loved are gone. It's been 4 months for me and I still don't eat the way I used to. I just don't have the same appetite I once did. I have trouble sleeping at night so I hardly get any sleep. The problem with that is I have to work early in the morning. I don't have any desire or motivation to do anything anymore. I have a 7 year old daughter that I can't even give my all to yet. I'm just a bitter, miserable person now. A shell of the person I once was. I know it's very hard and I really don't know it gets any easier. I've tried to kill my pain by drinking it away but that doesn't work either. Even though I know it's not the way, I'm still drinking all the time, trying to numb the pain as I go through this horrible thing called grief. I'm just very fortunate that I have a female friend that has lost her husband that I talk with all the time. She has helped me tremendously. Even though I have a great support system of family and friends, I find that talking to her makes me feel better than talking to anyone else. It's because she "gets It" and no one from my friends or family does. As Jane suggested, you might want to seek some counseling or maybe some group counseling to help you through this. I know it's hard to find family or friends to talk to now because most of them don't really want to hear it anymore. I hope you will feel better eventually. Best wishes to you, Glen.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on April 10, 2013 at 7:36pm

Dear Staci ....  Many of us on here feel exactly like you do.  I don't cook great meals like I did when my Ernie was here and I still think I'll see him walking up the driveway with a grin on his face and saying dinner smells good.  I use to enjoy food when he was around, but now I simply eat to live.  Nothing makes me happy although I do try hard to get out socially and keep involved.  I fake it!  I am hoping with some miracle that I'll change soon and be able to enjoy life a little more.  Ernie also loved my smile; sparkling eyes (now sad eyes) and always complimented me.  Now I feel alone, much older and a feeling of being completely forgotten.  Family and friends simply don't want to hear how we feel and I think it's the cruelest thing they can do and there are no excuses for this behavior.

Unfortunately, we don't get t choose our families and some are lucky while others either don't want to listen to us or ignore us.  I think getting counseling is a good thing for you and will help you through many of your concerns during the grieving process.  I found that groups didn't really help me because the counselor had not experienced losing a spouse so I am looking for a counselor that has experienced it otherwise it's just text book garble to me.

You are in raw grief Staci and feel insecure without Shane there and that's normal for all of us.  Getting plenty of rest, trying to eat anything and drinking lots of water (we can dehydrate quickly from crying so much) is all one can do and take baby steps through the grieving process.

Lean on all of us Staci as we're here for you as well and we are all hurting in our hearts so we know what you are going through.

Big hugs

Marsha

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on April 13, 2013 at 10:27am

Today is my Rose's birthday. She would have been 57. She was 54 when she passed, the same age her mother was when her mother passed. Today will be a melancholy day. I still miss her tremendously. Life somehow goes on.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on April 13, 2013 at 4:07pm

Chicago Beard ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ROSIE!  I know how heart-rendering you must feel and 54 is far to young to pass away.  I can sympathize with your melancholy day.  On April 1st it was the anniversary of Ernie and I receiving the news that he had a terminal illness.  This April 27th is the day he passed away so I am sure I will be in the same frame of mind as you and others.  I miss my Ernie every single day as you do your Rosie.  Life does go on and we just have to take those baby steps and keep the faith.

Take care of yourself my friend.

Hugs

Marsha

Permalink Reply by Sabrina Parker on April 19, 2013 at 11:35am

Staci, i lost my better half a year ago. Your feelings are truly normal and only those have experienced what you have can understand. Im not saying it gets easier but for me I know he watches over me. I miss Teddy every single day and i cry, withdraw, wish for him back or me join him but I know in my heart he would not want that. He was a jester as well as my king and I know we will be reunited again. This past year was one big fog, i didnt move and if i did it didnt feel like it. My blessing actually is my family, my job working with children because to be needed helps still i my journey. Feeling alone in a crowd of people, even those that love you is sooo very normal. I would suggest for you some type of counseling, and if youre not comfortable...find another. I pray for you Staci...i would hug you if i could.

Permalink Reply by Mark Oborn on April 30, 2013 at 9:11am

I lost my 43 year old wife of 22 years 2 weeks ago too. Thank you for posting as it gives me strength to know that others are in the same boat at the same time. Thank you,

Mark 

cheryl holbrook said:

Oh Stacp.

My heart goes out to you, my husband has only been gone 2 weeks now , and i feel the same way. I wont eat certain foods because i think of him and how he liked it, or i wont watch a tv show because he didnt like it, everything reminds me of him, just like you are saying.

I dont want to go on without him but  i (we) have no choice. I cant think ahead I take one day at a time. We did everything together as well, He was my best friend, my confident, and now hes not here to lean on. I know he would want me to go on and live ,but i know he would know what pain im in too and take what time I (we) need to learn to re-live so to speak but always remember the times we shared, places we went, and memories we made.

Hold on to the good things you shared and dont push yourself, Im in slow motion these days because i think im still in shock.

My head tells me hes gone but my heart refuses to except it .

Your in my thoughts and prayers ((BIG hug)) ... Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Carmen Magoffin on May 5, 2013 at 8:23pm

Hi, I lost my husband of 46yrs we were together, he was life, my best friend, we did everything together, he promised he would live for another 20yrs and for me not worry, he would always be here. But he died suddenly, we were putting the rubbish bins out, he told me to go inside, as the bin was heavy and he would do it. I went inside upstairs and then I felt something in my heart.... I ran downstairs and he had come inside, locked the laundry door and the key must have dropped, as it was on the floor beside him. I couldn’t wake him up. I had lost the love of my life.  I still cry so often and still going to see my shrink, I cant seem to talk about him without getting upset and it is making me sick. My heart goes out to you all and I understand, I cant watch t.v his shows, his songs he loved music so much.  Not interested in food either. Yes my head tells me he’s gone as well and yes my heart refuses to except it. I just wish I could have gone with him.::

Carmen 

Mark Oborn said:

I lost my 43 year old wife of 22 years 2 weeks ago too. Thank you for posting as it gives me strength to know that others are in the same boat at the same time. Thank you,

Mark 

cheryl holbrook said:

Oh Stacp.

My heart goes out to you, my husband has only been gone 2 weeks now , and i feel the same way. I wont eat certain foods because i think of him and how he liked it, or i wont watch a tv show because he didnt like it, everything reminds me of him, just like you are saying.

I dont want to go on without him but  i (we) have no choice. I cant think ahead I take one day at a time. We did everything together as well, He was my best friend, my confident, and now hes not here to lean on. I know he would want me to go on and live ,but i know he would know what pain im in too and take what time I (we) need to learn to re-live so to speak but always remember the times we shared, places we went, and memories we made.

Hold on to the good things you shared and dont push yourself, Im in slow motion these days because i think im still in shock.

My head tells me hes gone but my heart refuses to except it .

Your in my thoughts and prayers ((BIG hug)) ... Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on May 7, 2013 at 1:14pm

Sraci  I am so sorry for your loss but it is so recent that you are still in that fog of unhappiness.   Sorry to tell you the unhappiness never goes but if you can go back to work that will help.   Hang on to those who are supporting you and cry as often as you need to - it is proven that crying helps.   I have no support at all apart from a few friends and even they are starting to mutter that at nearly three years I should be coming to terms with it and after all he was 77 - as if age makes any difference to grief.   Just take baby steps.   I am in a deep black hole at the moment but I have crawled out of it before and hope I will again but life is never the same.   You  and your husband had a routine (we all do) and that is now gone.   Your friends lives move on and they have their routines and you have to slot in when they can see you.   It is really hard and very painful and I feel for you in the newness of it all.   This forum is a great place because you can vent all those things you want to say but cannot to those close to you.  No one hear will tell you there is a time for grief - every person takes the time they need - as I said it is nearly 3 years for me and I hurt as much inside as I did at the beginning but if you have a job do go back to it because the widows I know who are further on than me in the coming to terms  status all work so it will help you.   I am so sorry for  your loss.