Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
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Started by Melody Moore. Last reply by Susan Nov 13.
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Debra, you are on the right path. It takes time, and going through this is the most difficult thing for you right now. Perhaps you are looking too hard, and wanting it too much. I felt the same way after Dave died. Others were getting signs, and I was getting nothing. I thought that there must be something wrong with me. I knew that we had a wonderful relationship, and were extremely happy with each other. I wondered if he had reconnected with his second wife, and forgot all about me. It was very difficult. Then, I decided it just was not going to happen for me and quit looking for it and wishing for it. I just accepted that it would not happen. Eventually, it did happen when I least expected it. It was often for a while, and real intense on my birthday. Then, it started fading away. Every once in a while, I feel/smell his presense, and I lean into it and smile, and it is gone. One lady wrote that a bird came and sat in a tree by her house and sang every morning. She had never seen the bird before and was comforted to think it was her daughter. Another woman on this site, talked about cloud shapes, and knew it was a message from her husband. People talk about finding dimes, pennies, dollars on the ground, and that they are put there by their lost ones. I think the signs can be so subtle, that it is very easy to overlook them. The fact that you have not received a sign from him does not mean that you never will. Either he is not ready to send them, or you are not ready to receive them. Whatever the reason, don't think that you are not worthy of receiving them you just aren't ready yet.
We all want it so badly, because it is so difficult to be left behind. Keep working your way through this terrible grief. Look for some positive things in your life. Little things like a sunny day, a new flower emerging, a starry night. They can bring you a moment of joy, and every thing builds up and helps fill that big gap in your life. Have Courage! Hugs to you Debra!
Is There something wrong with me? I Haven't heard or seen or anything from Curt! I Miss him so very much! I Would love to see or hear or anything ? But I Havent! I Stopped to see him & talk to him yesterday! I Just Broke down! Maybe Iam Mad? I Just don't know! My Dr. said that maybe I need to want to start Living again? But Iam Just @ a Loss as to what that mean's anymore? Iam Not sure what to do?
Debbie, my goodness, you are not old! I have an elderly cousin that got married last year at age 89 to a 79-year-old man after being widowed for over 20 years. She has dentures, too. Life is not over for you, if you don't want it to be. I am not ready to even contemplate such. But if you are lonely, then you should be careful but open yourself up to finding love again. It's not about age; it's about attitude.
Even during our marriage, men would hit on me as I'm sure women hit on Lawrence. That is as far as it went. We were happy with each other, and we valued our relationship too much to mess it up. Just keep living your life and what God has for you he has for you.
Shannon, I've heard people say that you can tell them to go to the light, and they will move on to the next phase. But you should also know that I have heard when you are in need or on special days they do return. So, while Mike is busy, you keep busy living, too. You'll hear from him again in the future. But you have to be careful. It could be that Mike was appearing too often, and maybe it was believed that you were not able to adjust and move on, so he's only gone for a while. I hope that's the case. This is true for me, too, we can't live a life with them anymore, because they are not a part of this natural world, and we have to adjust. If they could come to us every time we asked, it would be as if they were still in this world. There is a scripturer in the "Bible" that says, "What hath the living to do with the dead?" I think that may explain why Mike had to go, but he is a part of you and he will be back.
I believe as much as you want Mike to be a part of this natural world he can't be. As much as I want Lawrence to be part of this natural world again, he can't be, either. I've got to find a way to move on and live. He's got to find a way to move on, too. I believe that one day we all will be rejoined with our loved ones.
Blessings and hugs friends. May God above help us to learn to live around our grief and find away to continue life in memory of our dear Loved ones.
Friends, the signs will come or theyare already there. you know the initials RIP...they are not resting they have a multitude of task to accomplish or lives to live. The send us signs when they know we truly need them, It is not going to be an everyday occurance. I have received numerous signs from Kyle but his has been in heaven 6 years almost. Jim I have gotten 3 signs from and he has been gone 3 months...Prayers, hope and love...we keep our loved ones near, but not everyday, they still have task to accomplish for the big guy...I don't mean santa...LOL
My Going to the therpest, told me I Have the saddest face he has ever seen! & I couldn't say he was wrong! But What I Did Fianally did say was Both of my parent's where Alcholics, & We had no car, & Had to walk everywhere even to the grocery store & pushing the cart home Iam the oldest out of 10 kid's, so when I turned 17 I Married the first man who asked me to! Joe had he had a 2yr old son when we got married, So I Tease him he only needed a babysitter! & I wanted away to get of of my mom & Dad's house! & We didn't have any sex before we got married! But he was so up set about something befroe we did get married & I bug him until he told me! The Big secert was he had dentenure's which I though was funny! But We Did Fall in Love & Had 3 daughter's & We were married for over 23 year's when we found out he had Cancer! & Lived a Whole 9 month's! But I we still had a girl @ home! So Then I had to take care of her! & Then I Met Curt he was so different than any man I had ever met he was so gentel, & Kind, & Made me laugh every day! & I Do Mean every day! and we knew each other for almost 3 year's before we got married! & We were married for 10 year's and now I have denture's! Iam also so much older now! To old to ever meet anyone! But Iam So Lonley That who would want a very sad lady when denture's @ the age of 56! But Thu this whole Thing My Point is I have Never been alone! Not ever! & I dont know how to fix that?
Bruce I Love that Song It is Beatiful! Iam so Lonley here! & Trying to pay all the bill's on time are driving me crazy! I Dont know how my husband did it? But I also Lost so much money when passed away! & Now Iam Getting mad @ Him! But Then I feel so guility! Iam @ a Loss ? What do ya'll do, or How do we go on? What comes next? I Cant take care of me? I Still cant eat Very Much, My Kid's are all grown & My Grandkid's are almost grown! And Iam on a Fixed Income & Disabled! My own Therpist tell's me that I Look so Sad? I don't even know what that means? How am I suppose to Look! I Belive in God! & I Try To do the best I can? I Need to Find a Church? But I sometimes Think That The Lord might be mad @ Me? Or Maybe I done something so Wrong He can't forgive me! He has Taken Both of My Husband's To Be With Him in Heaven! But He left me behind, A Sad old lonely woman! And Everyone tell's me it just take time to heal! I Hate that word! Iam Just Lost, & Really dont know what to do? But This site is good for me some day's I comment! But Iam Trying to learn how to go on, & some how Not to Look so SAD! I Pray That Curt would give me a sign, That he is OK, or That I will be ok? I Just dont know, Any Help from anyone would help me a Lot! My Prayer's Go Out to everyone on this site! And I Thank You For any Feed Back & Help! Have a Blessed Day! Debbie
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