Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Marsha H Feb 14. 4 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

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Comment by John Rood on April 1, 2012 at 9:18pm

Jerry I'm with you in the respect of losing Mom, there just isn't a comparison. I too was very close to my Mom. Gail also called my Mom Mom, even though Gail knew Moms feelings she was always pleasant and ignored Mom digs. It was me that fought with Mom over her treatment of Gail..never in front of Gail. Gail tolerated Mom for the sake of me and our children But when Gail and I were alone she would break down...thats why it was so special that Mom acknowledged Gail, while Gail was taking care her Mom finally found out that I married a super loving caring lady 

Comment by John Rood on April 1, 2012 at 9:01pm

Hi cynthia,

   We were more fortunate than most, we were told that there wasn't any more sign of the cancer, but after the treatments, Gail was on Oxygen 24/7. May 13th she had breathing attack and had to rushed to the Hospital a ventilator was installed, and she was seditidated into a deep sleep. Doctors told me to make arrangements that she wouldn't last any more than a couple days. It seemed like they just wrote her off. Ten days later I got mad at the care she wasn't getting and took her home, against The professionals advice, the next day the sedatives wearing off, and she wakes up asks where shes at, and says shes hungry. I/we had her for a additional 51/2 months, a quality 5 1/2 months. During that time I was told from her heart how much she loved me at least 20 times a day, same as I professing my love for her. As well as our kids. Yes we were very fortunate in that respect..I have plenty of quilt thinking I could have done more and she would still be with...I firmly believe that we will be together again, this time for all eternity  

Comment by Cynthia Clements on April 1, 2012 at 8:13pm

I wish I had had  a chance to tell Gene to not leave me. He was taken from me and I didn't even get to see him.  Its so hard not to get to say goodbye to him, just to a casket.  Oh how I wish I could have touched him and looked at his face once more.  But that was taken from me. Its will be 18 months on the 21st of April.  I say prayers for all of us on this site that no one want to be a member of, but are so thankful we have it to express ourselves and our feelings.  (((((HUGS)))))  and prayers to you all.

Comment by Jerry on April 1, 2012 at 7:21pm

Hello John, my situation was a little different, my mom helped me in caring for my wife. Shorly after my wife passed away, my mom stated getting sick,she passed away 13 months after my wife. They got along well, my wife began calling her mom many years ago.Even though I was very close with my mom, if hasnt hit me nearly as hard as losing my wife.

Comment by nancy on April 1, 2012 at 7:01pm

John, you've been through a lot in a short time. Thanks for sharing something so personal. You are blessed to have had these two wonderful women in your life. I'll keep you and the whole group of us in my prayers.

Comment by Tatjana Kowand on April 1, 2012 at 4:52pm


Thank you for sharing this incredibly beautiful shows that people can change...sometimes it's almost too late, but what a difference those words made to brave of your Mom for finally seeing the truth of how she felt and choosing to share special for you, too...I know you love and miss both of these ladies in your life...God bless

Comment by John Rood on April 1, 2012 at 4:25pm

Well its Sunday, worse day of the week for me. I just realized that tomorrow marks one year for my Moms passing, I say I just realized because I'm so involved with my Wifes(Gail) passing almost six months later. That why I can say losing my Mother, was nowhere near as bad as losing my Gail. Or maybe its just because I never really got the chance to mourn Mom. Gail was my Moms caretaker before she was diagnosed with cancer, and was recoverying from the treatments. My Mom never like my Wife and never hid those feelings. When my Mom got to the point of needing help, caretaker she wanted to pass in her own home. My family wife and kids are the only relatives in the area. I came home one evening and told my Gail, Mom needs help Doc appts, ect ect. and I don't I can run the business and take care of her. I didn't ask Gail for her help, knowing how my Mom would treat her. But she said I do it, I asked her if she was sure, she said yes. Gail was doing all the grocery shopping, every thing. One day when I came home she came skipping up to me, big smile on her face, John, John, Mom introduced me to one of her friends and she introduced me as her Daughter-in-law, after 33 yrs she recognized me as Daughter in law!! She was just so happy. About 3wks before Moms passing, and Gail was week from the treatments, my Mom asked me If I could bring Gail over, that she needed to talk to her. I went home and asked Gail if she thought she could, she was on oxygen 24/7 at that time she said yes. My Mom told my Gail...Gail I've been very rough on you all these years, will you accept my apoligies, I'm so sorry I love you, I'm glad you married my son, that meant so much to my Gail...and I was so greatful that my Mom told her that. That meant everything to Gail. I've got to get out of the house, don't where I'm going just have to get out for awhile     

Comment by nancy on April 1, 2012 at 3:35pm

Thank you Gail.

Vee, just hope I can put my money where my mouth is. I guess making plans is a step in the right direction. All of your support will help me step out. Glad to hear you had a pleasant Sunday. I know how hard they are for you. Congratulations, smiling is healing!

Comment by Vee on April 1, 2012 at 2:54pm

Nancy, Julie, Carol, today was a day that I truly needed your words of comfort and wisdom, I truly did.  Nancy, I am so awed by you.  I really, really mean that.  The fact that you are going through so much, and you have the time and energy to reach out to me tells me just what kind of person you are, not "were."  I'm so glad you got out today, and I love your plans.  You're planning something that most of us can't even reach yet; you're planning a future.  Wow!  A whole sleeve on your new "garment" of life.  I'm right there with you.  Just say the word, and I'll send you my number, too.  If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Love ya, lady.

Julie, I got out for a bit today, and so enjoyed the warm sunshine, seeing familiar faces, and just plain smiling.  Julie, I haven't started journaling yet.  I'm taking baby steps right now.  My family here gets the benefit of my hard-fought words.  I am planning to use my digital mini to capture a lot of my thoughts.  I thank you for all the wonderful things you share with us.  I'll let you in on a secret.  I read and reread a lot of the comments, and on Sundays I draw upon everybody's growth, experience, and struggle.


Carol, your words are always soothing and comforting.  Please, please continue to participate and share.  Right now, I'm clinging to the comments here to get me through this day.


I thank all of you for sharing your lives with me and the rest of us.  What may seem insignicant to you means so much to those of us who are toddlers on this road.  I pray someday I can evolve like many of you have and at least be able to get through the day without making Kleenex any more successful than they are.  Until then, I thank you all for being my friends.


God bless!  Hugs and love to all.


Comment by Gail Evans on April 1, 2012 at 2:36pm
Thanks for the saying, Carol, I really needed it today. I was having Avery hard time being in our home alone.

Nancy, I'm so happy to hear you had a good day!

All, as a minister, Holy Week was always Jean's favorite time of year, so in her memory, I wish each of you a blessed Holy Week. Gail

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