Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by janeo on April 7, 2012 at 12:23pm
I know tomorrow will be a ruff day, but my prayers will be for us all. Happy Easter to all
Comment by nancy on April 6, 2012 at 2:00pm

The breast cancer group was amazing. 4 of us there in all different stages. I so believe God is putting me in these places for a reason. Once again (just like here) I am in a place where I can honestly say, Wow, I thought I had it bad. I got nothing!I met a single mom of a disabled daughter that was diagnosed last month with breast cancer. They already know it's in her lymph nodes and they also found it in her hip! This she finds out with one month left 2 go for her degree in nursing!She has 2 have a dbl. mast. asap.Her Mom died last year from cancer. Another woman has had breast cancer 3 times and was unable to have breast reconstruction! Never thought when I went to this group that I would be leaving feeling omg I'm so lucky. But I do and I am blessed.

I went to the cemetery with my sil and we hung out for quite a while sitting on John. He would be so happy that he has the greenest and thickest grass in the place. I'm glad it's looking so good there because I can't guarantee that it will look like that at our house!!I'll do my best but I am not John.

I am proud to say that I have had a good and productive week. I plan to keep my plans the same for next week. Lots of exercise and sunshine, good company and laughs. I have alot to do before my next chemo. round. I'm going to stay positive.

Happy Easter! Stay strong. Hugs and peace

Comment by Carol Kayser on April 5, 2012 at 8:44pm

Dear Nancy, this is totally awesome!  So inspired by you!  I love your comments about your granddaughter - cause me too, that is exactly how I feel! My hubby is John too, but we all called him Jack and his dad Jackie.  I can still hear my father-in-law calling his son in that deep voice! 

When I am with Abigail I just feel so connected and overwhelmed with love, what a feeling!


I hope you enjoy your Breast cancer support group Nancy and meet some new friends, friends are the best!


Keep up the good work - you are having a really positive impact on us!


Happy Easter to you and yours,



Comment by nancy on April 5, 2012 at 7:48am

Hi all. I'm on a roll! I went to the "exercise your core" class yesterday. Wow...I can't believe how weak I've become so quickly. Here I keep saying I can't get wait to get back to work and There's no way I could physically do my job. So it was a rude awakening but now I have a new goal. I have to get back into shape asap so I can work again. I'm amazed that so many people keep working through chemo. I just know for me I could never pick up a bag of insulation (they're practically my size) let alone pick one up and throw it and that's what I need to do.

I had a great start and finish to my day. It ended with my stepdaughter and granddaughter. Our first born granddaughter who has her Papa's quick wit outgoing personality. I sooo adore her. Whenever I'm with her I feel John everywhere. He was so in love with know, she did no wrong!

I have plans to walk in the park with 2 friends today! Breast cancer support group tonight.(my first time) I still feel really good. That's 5 days in a row!! Oh how I hope it stays. I feel so much better physically and emotionally. It'll be 7 months on the 7th. I can't believe it. As we all know, I remember it like it was yesterday but it feels like I haven't seen him in a million years!

In case I get busy with the upcoming holiday, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Easter/Resurrection Day!

Julie, thank you. I appreciate that. I hope you have an enjoyable time with Kyle's friends. I'll be thinking of you Good Friday.

Joyful Expectations everyone! We can do this!!!!

Peace, hugs and prayers.

Comment by Julie Stearns on April 4, 2012 at 9:25pm

Nancy, I am so very proud of you! Keep up the good work!  with love Julie.  I make arrangements to meet with some of kyle;s friends friday for drink in celebration of his b=day and his dads

Comment by Julie Stearns on April 4, 2012 at 8:21pm

Debra, after the loss of a child trust me you just want to die and the pain to stop.  I had to find so many ways to cope and to be able to live.  I came up with the fact that God just doesn't make mistakes and it was his time.  Every one has a time and when God calls you home, there is nothing we can do to stop it.Hugs, and I am so sorry you are in so very much pain.

Comment by Laura Vasile on April 4, 2012 at 8:02pm

Hi everyone. I'm Laura and I lost my beloved Frank of 24 years 5 years ago. It has not been an easy road and I too don't always feel Frank's presence.  I have been blessed with many people as I make my way through this journey. Remember that our loved ones will always be with us in spirit. No one can take away our precious memories so cling to them with all your might


Comment by Vee on April 4, 2012 at 12:40pm

Debra, dear one, this is a rare moment for all of us here.  Yes, I've been down that road wondering why Lawrence's dad lived to 96 and 9 months, and after caring for his mother and his father since he was a wee child--he was an only child--why he had to be taken from me.  It just hurt me so bad, because Lawrence had "honored his father and mother that his days might be long upon the earth," and yet he was gone.


Do you know how I finally resolved it?  Maybe Lawrence's day would have been a lot shorter than they were, 52 years, if he hadn't done everything he did.  I try with all my might to get an answer, write it down in a notebook, and leave it there.  When thoughts assail my mind, I look at what the final answer was.  Just my little way of trying to close doors that I cannot reopen.


You are absolutely not awful.  You are one of the truly brave.  I don't know and don't even want to ask myself the question of "Do I want to be another relationship or marriage?"  You answered it and had 23 years of happiness. 


As for the short length of time?  What I've learned about you is you would not have wanted Curt to continue to suffer.  Curt from everything you've written here was a good man.  It takes a really good man to pull someone from the depths of despair at the loss of Joe into 23 years of happiness. 


You know what else?  You told Curt goodbye for 23 years and I love you and everything else.  While I'm writing I'm absorbing these words for my own situation.  Curt knows now that you loved him.  You didn't get to say "goodbye," but that means it's just "I'll see you later until we meet again down the road."


We're all here for you.  You're going to make it through.  Now, I'm on my way out to do what Nancy instructed, to have a good day and enjoy some sunshine.


Blessings and hugs!

Comment by debra l. johnson on April 4, 2012 at 11:53am

Thank You Carol & Vee! You Both are So Very Right! I Know That! & I also Know That The Lord Does Love Me! I am in a rare moment! & Iam So Sorry I said the Lord doesn't Love Me!! I Know He Does! But Sometime's I Just hate myself for being so selfish, & Thinking That Curt Has all These Brother's & Sister's So Much Older Than He Was! God Foribd That I Have Thought's Like This! It is a Awful thing to even think about! Lord Please Forgive me for even having these thought's! Curt Help me get thru the Process of Letting My First Husband Joe go! We were married for 23 yr's an it only took 9 month's for the Cancer to take him! But To Take Curt so Quick in a minute or a second! I Didnt get to tell him goodbye! He was My Rock! & now all I Have is a Heart That is Crumbling! Thank You all For Helping me! I Better go take a Shower! Hug's to Both of You....,Deb

Comment by nancy on April 4, 2012 at 11:28am

Debra the hard part of going through this is figuring out for ourselves how to get through it. Just day to day stuff. We're all very unique. Making myself get up and make the bed right away was my first goal. If I made my bed I wouldn't go back in it.Then eventually I added taking a shower and getting dressed before noon, etc.I started going to grief therapy. At 5 weeks I went back to work. That's the best forced routine for me. Setting the alarm, working, visiting with people at work, having a new normal work routine was what I needed.It was very hard but it was making me better. I have back slid so many times I can't count and I don't care. I just know for me that at the beginning of every new week I'm going to try again.Sometimes it's over before it's even started but I make the attempt.

I couldn't make myself feel John. I can only guess that a change in my heart and my attitude had something to do with letting it in. I don't know what let him through.

Maybe you could set just one goal for every day and start there. It won't mean anything to anyone else but you'll know how big it is to achieve it and so will we here!

It sucks so bad to be us. Baby steps. You need to take good care of you! Keep posting and we'll be here to keep encouraging.

You'll be in my prayers. Peace


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