Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Diamond Mar 29. 5 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

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Comment by Vee on April 14, 2012 at 7:56am

Nancy, you made me laugh so much my sides hurt, "I can't wait to take off my boobs and hair."  Your mom must be a super special woman to have raised someone like you, but most of the credit has to go to YOU.  You have every reason to get into bed and pull the covers over your head and say "Done."  But you are not doing that.  We love you here.  you are so special!!! 


To all the newcomers (don't want to leave anybody out), this place actually saved my sanity I believe.  When Lawrence passed away suddenly in his chair three months ago and I came in not knowing he was gone looking forward to watching the football game with him, I was beyond devastated.  I felt like I had in some way died, too.  That man meant everything to me.  I went through all sorts of stuff with family and friends, et cetera. 


Very early on I found this group.  I thank God every day for each and every one of them.  They told me I wasn't crazy or weak.  They didn't tell me I should get over it.  They told me to grieve in my own time and my own way.  There were guys on here that spoke about their love for their wives.  There were women who were like faraway sisters.  I've never known anything like it.  I cannot tell you how much they all mean to me.  Thank you all for sharing with me.


Last night, I went to an awards gala for a family member who was receiving a lifetime achievement award.  I got all decked out.  I enjoyed the cocktails, meeting new people, and was especially happy when my cousin arrived for her award with her son. 


As the evening progressed, that old left-out feeling reared its ugly head.  I looked around and saw so many people with their spouses who were laughing and enjoying themselves.  Folks, it hit me right in the gut that this used to be Lawrence and me. 


Going through dinner was fine.  The people seated at my table along with my family were very nice.  Then it happened.  I saw a man who could have been Lawrence's twin.  It took all I had not to break down.  When the singer got up and sang and said she had written the song for her husband several years ago, it was so poignant, and again I almost broke down.  As people got up and made remarks about thanking their husbands, and again I looked around the room, I realized Lawrence was not there to hold my hand and kiss my hand and move the conversation along.


Right at that moment, I think my family realized how much I was hurting and my cousin on my left and my brother on my right grabbed and held my hands.  It's three months and counting.  You all have heard me say I'm making a new garment for my life.  I've got a sleeve and one shoulder put together.  Last night, it felt like I ripped a few stitches, but I'm back on sewing again today.


I'm going to take Nancy's advice and go out and do my level best to enjoy the bright sunshine the near 80 degree temps and thank God for another day, which is a blessing.  My "Bible" verse today is "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from which cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord."


When I look up, I see the sky with all its beauty and I remember our days together, and I know Lawrence is up there looking down on me.  I know the Lord is with me.  And I know my angels in this group are with me.  Please continue to pray for me, and I will pray for all of you.


May God ever bless you and heaven smile upon you, my friends and fellow sufferers, blessings and hugs!

Comment by janeo on April 13, 2012 at 9:14pm
Joan, I'm sorry for you lost but glad you found this site. You have wonderful support and make a lot of friend who know what your going threw..I list my husband 28 months ago and still in shock he's not coming home.But I keep hearing mourning has no time line. As you come to this site the best thing is you can say what you feel and no judgement.we are all in the same boat. You will feel comfort and prayers from everyone.
Comment by Joan C. Sellarole on April 13, 2012 at 8:53pm

I have just joined this group and looking forward to receiving support and hopefully being able to support others. I lost my soulmate, Jeff almost 5 years ago and still can't get used to it. I know he is always with me and I still talk to him everyday. Does anyone else? But sometimes it makes me miss him even more.

Comment by Laura Vasile on April 13, 2012 at 6:12pm

Keep up the good fight, Nancy. It's been 9 years since my chemo and 5 since I lost Frank. Everything I accomplished is because of the support of so many. Keep up the great work. I love the idea of crossing off 1 task. When you look back you'll feel better. Hope you have a great day.

Comment by nancy on April 13, 2012 at 2:35pm

Thanks Jane, you're too kind!

Julie I will def. try the warm water and lemon juice. I seriously need to curb the deluxe brownie sundaes!! I've decided to use the sundaes as a reward if I go to my exercise classes all week. We'll see how that works. I also eat out of being bored when I'm alone! I need to make some more adjustments. Still tweekin me. Baby steps right?

Betsy, steroids are so beneficial to an asthmatic and cancer pt. The plusses far outway the neg. I just have to shake the thought the I'll have to worry about losing wt. The nurse told me that women being treated for breast cancer frequently gain wt. because of the steroids needed to curb all of the side effects. The particular chemo. works the best so they rather give you drugs for the nastiness and keep you on that drug. I can't argue with that.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend. I have lots of yard work and walking to do while I'm on steroids! So everybody get outside..invite a friend over or better yet go to a friends house and cook out.All of the Spring blooms are beautiful!

Be the best you can be today and do it for you! It really feels good. I sat through chemo. with my wonderful sil and did alot of laughing...made other people laugh too. So I'm good.Got my "big girl pants on"!

Hugs and prayers for us all! Peace

Comment by Julie Stearns on April 13, 2012 at 7:57am

Nancy if you are on prednisone a diuretic will probably get rid of that wt. a little lemon juice in warm water may help also...the wt. is med induced don't sweat it...Love Julie

Comment by janeo on April 13, 2012 at 7:48am
About the 4lbs I'm sure you still look beautiful. Thinking of you always and have a great day enjoy the sun.
Comment by nancy on April 13, 2012 at 7:42am

I have already noticed a weight gain.I think it's about 4 lbs. more than I care to have. I'm eating like crazy. I was put on prednizone for 5 days also due to allergic reaction and other side effects. New plan for today.

If anyone could end up on a diet after chemo. it would be me!

Jane, I sometimes forget too. I don't know when in the last 7 mos. that things reversed but he comes to me every day for a hug and kiss and tells me he loves me. He texts me throughout the day to make sure I'm up and doing something and he knows if I'm fibbing!

It looks beautiful outside here in upstate NY. I plan to relax outside after chemo. this afternoon. Fresh air!!!

Keep your heads up all and keep smiling. Another week has almost come to an end!Hope it was tolerable and maybe even good!

Hugs and prayers. Don't forget to laugh! Peace

Comment by janeo on April 12, 2012 at 10:33pm
Nancy, I forget sometimes he needs me too. I just didn't lose a husband, my son lost a father and sometimes I forget that.
Comment by CaliforniaDreamer on April 12, 2012 at 10:25pm

Nancy, just be forewarned that some of the chemo cocktails have steroids in them and may cause you to gain weight. If that happens, it's better for you, than loosing weight while on chemo. You can talk to your Oncologist about it. I'll try and remember any little tidbits I can for you. Do you have a MediPort installed? It will save the veins in your arms and Shelley should have had one her first round as she had problems with the veins in her arms from chemo.


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