Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
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Thank you Laura, Jerry and Jane for your greetings and wonderful words of comfort and advice. Joan
Nancy, you made me laugh so much my sides hurt, "I can't wait to take off my boobs and hair." Your mom must be a super special woman to have raised someone like you, but most of the credit has to go to YOU. You have every reason to get into bed and pull the covers over your head and say "Done." But you are not doing that. We love you here. you are so special!!!
To all the newcomers (don't want to leave anybody out), this place actually saved my sanity I believe. When Lawrence passed away suddenly in his chair three months ago and I came in not knowing he was gone looking forward to watching the football game with him, I was beyond devastated. I felt like I had in some way died, too. That man meant everything to me. I went through all sorts of stuff with family and friends, et cetera.
Very early on I found this group. I thank God every day for each and every one of them. They told me I wasn't crazy or weak. They didn't tell me I should get over it. They told me to grieve in my own time and my own way. There were guys on here that spoke about their love for their wives. There were women who were like faraway sisters. I've never known anything like it. I cannot tell you how much they all mean to me. Thank you all for sharing with me.
Last night, I went to an awards gala for a family member who was receiving a lifetime achievement award. I got all decked out. I enjoyed the cocktails, meeting new people, and was especially happy when my cousin arrived for her award with her son.
As the evening progressed, that old left-out feeling reared its ugly head. I looked around and saw so many people with their spouses who were laughing and enjoying themselves. Folks, it hit me right in the gut that this used to be Lawrence and me.
Going through dinner was fine. The people seated at my table along with my family were very nice. Then it happened. I saw a man who could have been Lawrence's twin. It took all I had not to break down. When the singer got up and sang and said she had written the song for her husband several years ago, it was so poignant, and again I almost broke down. As people got up and made remarks about thanking their husbands, and again I looked around the room, I realized Lawrence was not there to hold my hand and kiss my hand and move the conversation along.
Right at that moment, I think my family realized how much I was hurting and my cousin on my left and my brother on my right grabbed and held my hands. It's three months and counting. You all have heard me say I'm making a new garment for my life. I've got a sleeve and one shoulder put together. Last night, it felt like I ripped a few stitches, but I'm back on sewing again today.
I'm going to take Nancy's advice and go out and do my level best to enjoy the bright sunshine the near 80 degree temps and thank God for another day, which is a blessing. My "Bible" verse today is "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from which cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord."
When I look up, I see the sky with all its beauty and I remember our days together, and I know Lawrence is up there looking down on me. I know the Lord is with me. And I know my angels in this group are with me. Please continue to pray for me, and I will pray for all of you.
May God ever bless you and heaven smile upon you, my friends and fellow sufferers, blessings and hugs!
I have just joined this group and looking forward to receiving support and hopefully being able to support others. I lost my soulmate, Jeff almost 5 years ago and still can't get used to it. I know he is always with me and I still talk to him everyday. Does anyone else? But sometimes it makes me miss him even more.
Keep up the good fight, Nancy. It's been 9 years since my chemo and 5 since I lost Frank. Everything I accomplished is because of the support of so many. Keep up the great work. I love the idea of crossing off 1 task. When you look back you'll feel better. Hope you have a great day.
Thanks Jane, you're too kind!
Julie I will def. try the warm water and lemon juice. I seriously need to curb the deluxe brownie sundaes!! I've decided to use the sundaes as a reward if I go to my exercise classes all week. We'll see how that works. I also eat out of being bored when I'm alone! I need to make some more adjustments. Still tweekin me. Baby steps right?
Betsy, steroids are so beneficial to an asthmatic and cancer pt. The plusses far outway the neg. I just have to shake the thought the I'll have to worry about losing wt. The nurse told me that women being treated for breast cancer frequently gain wt. because of the steroids needed to curb all of the side effects. The particular chemo. works the best so they rather give you drugs for the nastiness and keep you on that drug. I can't argue with that.
It's going to be a beautiful weekend. I have lots of yard work and walking to do while I'm on steroids! So everybody get outside..invite a friend over or better yet go to a friends house and cook out.All of the Spring blooms are beautiful!
Be the best you can be today and do it for you! It really feels good. I sat through chemo. with my wonderful sil and did alot of laughing...made other people laugh too. So I'm good.Got my "big girl pants on"!
Hugs and prayers for us all! Peace
Nancy if you are on prednisone a diuretic will probably get rid of that wt. a little lemon juice in warm water may help also...the wt. is med induced don't sweat it...Love Julie
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