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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan Aug 24. 5 Replies

widowed at 46 I feel so alone

Started by melissa lyons. Last reply by Donna G Aug 24. 1 Reply

Newly Bereaved

Started by Dorothy Facciponte. Last reply by Theresa Wimann Jul 29. 25 Replies

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Comment by Joan C. Sellarole on April 14, 2012 at 1:15pm

Thank you Laura, Jerry and Jane for your greetings and wonderful words of comfort and advice. Joan

Comment by janeo on April 14, 2012 at 12:09pm
Nancy, when I went to visit my husband I went in the chapel I asked God to bless you and be with you. I also said extra prayers for you. Your not going to believe but while I was their talking to him I got this feeling in my stomach telling me your going to be alright.
Comment by janeo on April 14, 2012 at 12:03pm
Vee, we are always here for you no matter what. We all share our thoughts and feelings with no judgement. I can't believe it was 28 months for me on Easter. When I first went to a gathering I had to leave. Your strong too because you faced a big hurdle and you didn't run or hide. You stood by that's something you should feel proud of. I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you. God bless you and you have my prayers too.
Comment by Vee on April 14, 2012 at 7:56am

Nancy, you made me laugh so much my sides hurt, "I can't wait to take off my boobs and hair."  Your mom must be a super special woman to have raised someone like you, but most of the credit has to go to YOU.  You have every reason to get into bed and pull the covers over your head and say "Done."  But you are not doing that.  We love you here.  you are so special!!! 

 

To all the newcomers (don't want to leave anybody out), this place actually saved my sanity I believe.  When Lawrence passed away suddenly in his chair three months ago and I came in not knowing he was gone looking forward to watching the football game with him, I was beyond devastated.  I felt like I had in some way died, too.  That man meant everything to me.  I went through all sorts of stuff with family and friends, et cetera. 

 

Very early on I found this group.  I thank God every day for each and every one of them.  They told me I wasn't crazy or weak.  They didn't tell me I should get over it.  They told me to grieve in my own time and my own way.  There were guys on here that spoke about their love for their wives.  There were women who were like faraway sisters.  I've never known anything like it.  I cannot tell you how much they all mean to me.  Thank you all for sharing with me.

 

Last night, I went to an awards gala for a family member who was receiving a lifetime achievement award.  I got all decked out.  I enjoyed the cocktails, meeting new people, and was especially happy when my cousin arrived for her award with her son. 

 

As the evening progressed, that old left-out feeling reared its ugly head.  I looked around and saw so many people with their spouses who were laughing and enjoying themselves.  Folks, it hit me right in the gut that this used to be Lawrence and me. 

 

Going through dinner was fine.  The people seated at my table along with my family were very nice.  Then it happened.  I saw a man who could have been Lawrence's twin.  It took all I had not to break down.  When the singer got up and sang and said she had written the song for her husband several years ago, it was so poignant, and again I almost broke down.  As people got up and made remarks about thanking their husbands, and again I looked around the room, I realized Lawrence was not there to hold my hand and kiss my hand and move the conversation along.

 

Right at that moment, I think my family realized how much I was hurting and my cousin on my left and my brother on my right grabbed and held my hands.  It's three months and counting.  You all have heard me say I'm making a new garment for my life.  I've got a sleeve and one shoulder put together.  Last night, it felt like I ripped a few stitches, but I'm back on sewing again today.

 

I'm going to take Nancy's advice and go out and do my level best to enjoy the bright sunshine the near 80 degree temps and thank God for another day, which is a blessing.  My "Bible" verse today is "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from which cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord."

 

When I look up, I see the sky with all its beauty and I remember our days together, and I know Lawrence is up there looking down on me.  I know the Lord is with me.  And I know my angels in this group are with me.  Please continue to pray for me, and I will pray for all of you.

 

May God ever bless you and heaven smile upon you, my friends and fellow sufferers, blessings and hugs!

Comment by janeo on April 13, 2012 at 9:14pm
Joan, I'm sorry for you lost but glad you found this site. You have wonderful support and make a lot of friend who know what your going threw..I list my husband 28 months ago and still in shock he's not coming home.But I keep hearing mourning has no time line. As you come to this site the best thing is you can say what you feel and no judgement.we are all in the same boat. You will feel comfort and prayers from everyone.
Comment by Joan C. Sellarole on April 13, 2012 at 8:53pm

I have just joined this group and looking forward to receiving support and hopefully being able to support others. I lost my soulmate, Jeff almost 5 years ago and still can't get used to it. I know he is always with me and I still talk to him everyday. Does anyone else? But sometimes it makes me miss him even more.

Comment by Laura Vasile on April 13, 2012 at 6:12pm

Keep up the good fight, Nancy. It's been 9 years since my chemo and 5 since I lost Frank. Everything I accomplished is because of the support of so many. Keep up the great work. I love the idea of crossing off 1 task. When you look back you'll feel better. Hope you have a great day.

Comment by nancy on April 13, 2012 at 2:35pm

Thanks Jane, you're too kind!

Julie I will def. try the warm water and lemon juice. I seriously need to curb the deluxe brownie sundaes!! I've decided to use the sundaes as a reward if I go to my exercise classes all week. We'll see how that works. I also eat out of being bored when I'm alone! I need to make some more adjustments. Still tweekin me. Baby steps right?

Betsy, steroids are so beneficial to an asthmatic and cancer pt. The plusses far outway the neg. I just have to shake the thought the I'll have to worry about losing wt. The nurse told me that women being treated for breast cancer frequently gain wt. because of the steroids needed to curb all of the side effects. The particular chemo. works the best so they rather give you drugs for the nastiness and keep you on that drug. I can't argue with that.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend. I have lots of yard work and walking to do while I'm on steroids! So everybody get outside..invite a friend over or better yet go to a friends house and cook out.All of the Spring blooms are beautiful!

Be the best you can be today and do it for you! It really feels good. I sat through chemo. with my wonderful sil and did alot of laughing...made other people laugh too. So I'm good.Got my "big girl pants on"!

Hugs and prayers for us all! Peace

Comment by betsy toombs on April 13, 2012 at 8:33am

Nancy

I also was just on prednisone because of my asthma. I had sinus infection and bronchitis. It went away, but when it got so warm so fast all the pollens were a month ahead of schedule. I had trouble even with my allergy meds and allergy shots. Just couldn't get rid of the congestion and stuff in my throat. Pred cleared it up.

Hope you feel better  

Comment by Julie Stearns on April 13, 2012 at 7:57am

Nancy if you are on prednisone a diuretic will probably get rid of that wt. a little lemon juice in warm water may help also...the wt. is med induced don't sweat it...Love Julie

 

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