Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 1 hour ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Marsha H 8 hours ago. 21 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Carol Kayser on August 22, 2012 at 12:21am

Dear Cari.  There are really no timelines for you, for us.  Going back to work is a very personal decision and if you can afford to stay off I would.  I was off for 4 months and then gradually went back part time.  The feelings you are describing are so natural and they still want to be part of you and you them, so it is still time to take care of yourself and not worry about anyone else right now, home or work.  That term "move on" is horrid and it is used all the time!  We don't do that, we learn to live with our loss in our lives and in our hearts, and that takes time.  We don't want to forget, we want to have the memories and the love and the smiles to support and remind us.


So take your time Cari and grieve at your own pace and in what is best for you.




Comment by Peg Edwards on August 21, 2012 at 10:51pm

Dear Cari,

     I'm so sorry for your loss.Hopefully you can find some comfort through this site. We're all going through the same terrible thing and just hearing from other people who are going through the same thing can help. I've told other people about this book I read called: Widow to Widow, it really helped me a lot because I thought I was losing my mind because of the way I felt. Read it and you will find out that everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. Hope it will help you.

    Thanks Jean, Jane and Faith for your comments, I really appreciate  having a place to come to when times get tough and no one judges you for saying whats on your mind!

      I pray for God's peace and strenght for us all!


Comment by Cari on August 21, 2012 at 10:41pm

Thank you all so much for welcoming me here and for your helpful words. All of your descriptions of grief are so true to how I feel... a nightmare, a roller coaster, a mountain... etc. And it is true about taking care of our own health-- eating and sleeping are not things I have participated in too well the last 2 months, and I feel it.


I have also been besieged by feelings of guilt for having not returned to work yet. I am not hurting financially, so that is not an issur, but it just seems like I am the only one who hasn't just "moved on." Well I am also the only one who lost my spouse in this household.

How long is too long to miss work? I haven't been able to eat or sleep well, focus, concentrate, and if you look at me sideways, I burst out in sobs. I'm a wreck. How can I go to work and manage people when I can't even manage myself? Once again, thank you all for all your help and support.  --Cari


Comment by janice shannon on August 21, 2012 at 9:36am

Dear Cari, I am so sorry for your loss, it is the most painful thing anyone has to face.  I believe that unless you have actually faced it yourself you can have no idea of what a mountain it is in your life.  I lost my husband of 32 years just this past May and I know what you are going thru.  The people here are wonderful.  Reading the posts is an excellent way to keep heading in the right direction.  I have found that in offering help to others here is a also a very healing experience. One thing that I have found is that watching out for your own health is very important because grief can cause allot of problems with your health.  I try to find something to laugh about every day just because its very good for me to laugh.  I pray every night that God will comfort us as we mourn, give us strength to face each new day, and fill us with the peace that only He can give.                 Janice

Comment by Mac on August 21, 2012 at 9:20am

Cari, I too am glad you found this site. since I found it there has been no judgemental remarks its just saying how you feel at the time and no one to tell you what you need to do or what not you need to do. 

Peg you are right familes can be very hurtful I am sure they feel like its the right thing to do or say then they go their own way and its all over for them and I have not heard from one of his family members since the day of his services when they left they said hang in there. well I guess I am hanging in there   so I hate to say it but welcome aboard . I still am asking why do I have to stay here. haven't gotten an answer yet but I feel like if I keep asking Jesus he might get tired and take me to. Jean

Comment by janeo on August 21, 2012 at 9:07am
Carol, thank you for your kind words but what was said was so true .
Comment by janeo on August 21, 2012 at 9:06am
Carie, you will find help on this site. We can talk freely with no judgement and remember grief has no time limit. We all take baby steps one day one hour at a time what ever helps. I said on here already think of something silly or funny that you did with him and you will laugh and say I can't believe we did that. When i did that all i can say is wow and laughed my head off and felt better for a while try it might help.
Comment by Faith J. on August 21, 2012 at 7:21am

Cari, this is a womderful, supportive grp! I found them after I lost my husband Paul in May.

Comment by Cari on August 21, 2012 at 12:13am

I lost my husband of almost 30 years, Randy, on June 11, 2012. I came upon this site and am hoping to find some help in coping with my grief. Thank you all for being here.

Comment by Carol Kayser on August 20, 2012 at 11:46pm
Jane, what a beautiful thing you said to Peg. I second that! Peg hang in there, we are here to support whatever you need.


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