Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 57 minutes ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Marsha H 8 hours ago.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22.
Wayne I am so very sorry for your loss. When we lose our soul mates so quickly we are left with so many things we wanted to say or should have said. This is a wonderful site to be on during this time May God Bless. and Jerry hope you are out of that rabbit hole even thou its been four years I still get in it and its a really lonley place to be I have had people say Gee its been four years already and the hurt grabs my gut and I want to strangle them because to me its still yesterday well Its early and I am in this rambling mode I want to say things but yet don't know what to say so I had better make a pot of coffee and watch the world start all over again| Jean
Dear Rhonda, I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with your medical problems and taking care of your family my heart goes out to you. as far as getting easier yes I guess it does in a way we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and the mornings still come I still can't wait to go to bed then can't wait for the morning either cry as often as you feel like it even screaming. Jesus knows what you are going thru and he somehow gets us thru it I guess its like the footprints in the sand. I cry every time I see the numbers go up on this site but still glad everyone is here. I will keep you and your family in my prayers .Jean
Dear Jean ...
Oh yes, I have had that happen to me also. I have bumped into some acquaintances and they'll ask how my Ernie is doing (he passed away in April, 2011) and when I tell them it's as if I just told them I'd been shopping for an outfit. Their eyes seem to glaze over and they'll say either 'so, what have you been up to?' or, 'have you met someone else yet?' I can't believe what comes out of some people's mouths. I have had friends lose a spouse and not once has it ever entered my mind to say such things. It is not that they don't know what to say, it's plain ignorance! I try to keep my cool and tell them I have to go and I leave without giving them a chance to keep talking. I will admit I do have a little cry afterwards. Unfortunately, this is part of having to grieve. What I did was get a great grief site with the 'do's and don'ts' of how the family and friends, as to how one should treat the person who has lost their spouse (or any major loss of a loved one) and also what the griever can expectsent it out to each of them. I am such a little devil because I purposely trapped them because if they say I should be getting on with my life by now I just ask them if they took the time to read what I sent them. That sure shuts them up in a hurry.
Take care hon and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Dear Rhonda ...
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and that you are ill as well and you have children to consider. I wish I could reach out a miraculously make you better. There is always hope Rhonda that you can recover. I feel so badly that you haven't had a chance to get through your grief over your husband, but now you are dealing with your own health issue, but from the sound of the way you posted you are one strong lady and I am sure you will have things in order for your children. I will certainly pray for you and have my prayer group say prayers. Miracles do happen hon. This site is a God send so just feel free to express yourself in any way you feel and perhaps we can give you some advice to help you along.
Big hugs (because you need one)
Faith ... my apolgies for not getting a post off to you sooner (sometimes I have trouble getting around the site when upset.) My condolences to hear that your husband has passed. I do know how you feel like many of us here. I hope I am not out of line here, but as soon as I saw that picture of your husband he reminded me of Sidney Portier and I see how very much in love both of you were, just like my husband and I. My Ernie passed away April, 2011 of pancreatic cancer and we were very close (no children.) I also just have a small family (one brother; his wife and two nephews) and I'm blessed to have many friends. I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better and are at church and talk to your Pastor. I am going to be joining a church soon as well. I went to grief counseling shortly after Ernie passed away (I live just outside of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada) and it was a mixed group (not dealing with just widows or widowers) and, like you I felt worse when I came out of the sessions. I went for 4 weeks and left. I just didn't think the counselors got it and I was too much in a fog to really concentrate anyway. I find this site is like a family to me (all sisters and brothers we are) and help from God and good friends.
Grief just takes time and we all march to a different drummer. I hope you are finding comfort and feeling much better.
Dear Rhonda. What a tremendous loss for you and now your own battle and your boys. My prayers are with you for comfort and compassion and for your children too. Praying that you have loving support around you from this moment on. Just know that we are here for you, and thinking of you and your family.
Nancy, it's true what you said, they don't know what the heck to do with us! In my case I can't just stay away from those people...he, my father, lives across the street from me. It's "all about him", if it isn't, he just isn't interested. Even my mom's death didn't change him. I tried so hard to talk to him after some very hurtful remarks a few days ago, but he kept changing the subject back to himself. If he was suffering from dementia or something it would be understandable, but he's "crazy like a fox", for 93 yrs of age. I finally told him I couldn't be around him for a while & to please respect that. I hate it that I'm coming off like I have a cold heart. I don't. Every time I feel that I'm making some progress in my grief, he does or says something that sets me back. I truly don't know what to do. I'm starting in a local grief support group tomorrow, praying it will help. I feel like I'm trapped in this fog of grief and pain. The rest of my large family is very supportive, but as we know, they don't really understand what it's like to lose a spouse who was like the other half of you.
dear Rhonda, i am so sorry for your loss, for the grief you and your children are going thru and for the continuing medical problems that you are facing. Hopefully you have family around that will be able to help you with your children. Just know that we will keep you and you family in our prayers. Janice
Thank you, Jane, I also believe that he does know about the baby. I believe he will meet his great-grandchild before the rest of us do, that is a comfort to me.
Rhonda, I am so so sorry for the loss of your husband, and for the challenges you are facing. I pray you will have a recovery. How do you keep going? I can only say because we have to, one step at a time. I don't try to hide my tears and grief, just let it come out, it's better that way. I don't know if it gets easier, they say it does, I'm not there yet. You will be in my thoughts, even though I know there's no words right now to make it easier. When I first came here, 2 months ago, someone said "welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to". Such true words. When you feel like you are all alone, you aren't, we are here, we all understand.
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