Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: 4 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marlena on November 30, 2012 at 7:27pm

I haven't been here in a while and when I do check in it always amazes me how many new names and faces have joined.  It breaks my heart to see so many of you feeling the horrible pain of losing your love.  It never gets easier, but at some point in time thngs do shift and it becomes easier to function.  It's been just over 3 1/2 years for me and for the most part I am functioning well.  Although, I do still have those gut wrenching moments when I just wish the world would end so this desperate longing for our old life back would be gone and I could be back together with my Tom.  I let myself have my moment, but then before I know it someone or something is demanding my attention and it's back to reality and doing what has to be done.  It still doesn't always make sense that the world can keep moving when all we are trying to do is hang on and maybe someday try to catch up.  It really is one moment at a time, one breath at a time. 

For those not on Facebook I wanted to share with you a post that Legacy shared on their Facebookpage.  Today and Tomorrow Amazon has a FREE download of the book How to Mourn.  Here's the link

If you don't have a kindle (I do not) you can download the book to your computer by using the "Available on your PC" line in the green box to the right.  I haven't started reading it yet, but I know I still can use all the help I can get.

Wishing you all peace and comfort on your journey.  I'll keep each of you in my thoughts and prayers.  Blessings and Hugs to all

Comment by Maureen on November 30, 2012 at 7:26pm

Frank, yesterday I was in the mall at the Hallmark store, had to buy a birthday card.  I walked over to the next aisle, which was the Christmas cards and all i saw were the cards to your "Husband" or "Sweetie" (which is what I called Rex).   i fell apart.   i use to love Christmas, the lights, decorating, entertaining, the fan fare....this year i am trying to ignore it...Everything is so hard....

Had a really bad night last night, could not sleep at all,   just kept thinking about Rex and his last awful 7 weeks and stupid i was in thinking that he would get "stronger" and be able to come home. 

The death of your spouse is an inconsolable grief, my heart and soul have been ripped apart.    I keep telling myself "take it day by day" but the days seem to be getting more difficult.

Comment by Diane C on November 30, 2012 at 7:15pm

Hi Frank, good to hear from you. It would be great to get together as a group and have a good cry.... I understand your feelings about all the Christmas decorations and lights. It use to be so festive for my husband and I to go around and look at the lights. I really can't even stand to look at them now. They do absolutely nothing for me except anger me that I can not have that same feeling again. I just hope we can all get through this next month. Take care... hang in there!!!

Comment by Frank Andrews on November 30, 2012 at 7:14pm

 I know the feeling of pain in your chest with each breath you take. The heaviness just stays there most of the day. I cannot watch any of her favorite t.v. programs that we watched together. I am ready to take a sleep med and try to get some sleep instead of sitting and thinking. Hope you and all here have a much better day tomorrow.

Comment by Sue H on November 30, 2012 at 6:58pm

I wish I knew the answer Frank. I am sitting on my sofa where we cuddled every night sharing stories of the day and watching TV, eating dessert. Our love was so new(1 year) after long and unhappy marriages prior. Still takes my breath away he is not here holding me. Man, I am really down today..every Friday.

Comment by Frank Andrews on November 30, 2012 at 6:49pm

Sue and Diane,

  We all feel as you do and it is unfortunate we live all over the globe or we could get together to share stories or have a good cry together while meeting somewhere.  We are lucky, I guess, just to have this forum to vent and try to help each other through this terrible ordeal.  I just came by our mall and felt such sadness at seeing the Christmas lights and decorations up.  I just wish I could sleep through the entire month. Would give anything just to hold her hand or give her a hug again.  We all share the same pain and I wonder when it gets easier.

Comment by Diane C on November 30, 2012 at 6:16pm

Sue H, I hear you!! I absolutely hate Friday's more than the other days of week I hate..... No one should ever have to go through this much pain. Try to be strong and hang in there....

Comment by Sue H on November 30, 2012 at 5:16pm

God, I hate Friday's. The start of a weekend that used to be filled with joy is a reminder of this emptyness :-(

Comment by Dick on November 30, 2012 at 9:59am
Linda... I can relate to doing something new. For me, doing the same thing in a different place helps.

I usually bake a cake to bring to my sons for thanksgiving. This year I told him that it would be too hard for me. Marje and I usually cooked and baked together. He asked if I thought I could make he cake at his house with my grand kids. I told him that I would do.that ..and it worked out fine .
Comment by Marsha H on November 30, 2012 at 5:00am

Maureen ...  Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  True, there are some people who say things before thinking, but all the more reason to think before one speaks. 

I have been a dog lover all my life too and nothing I wouldn't do for my pets.  I had to get both dogs an allergy shot and special shampoo for their skin to the tune of $129.  However, the vet does try to save his customers money and suggested I go to a grocery store called 'Coopers' where they sell chicken with rice/venison with rice, etc.  I will give it a try.  He said if I used tinned chicken/rice to be sure the treats were the same and also the same with beef or venison.  I don't know what I'd have done after my husband passed away if it hadn't been for my pets.  I try taking deep breaths and it is true this extended family here has gotten myself and others through difficult times. Thank you for reminding me of that Maureen.

You take care of yourself too.




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