Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Frank Andrews on December 4, 2012 at 8:19am

Marsha, I am getting over a bad cold and my internet service having some glitches which one of my sons corrected for me.  Sounds like you had a good time with your tree and I am glad you are able to do so and have such a good friend to share times like that. Going over some old postings, I noticed that many have not returned and it is probably because they found some kind of peace and acceptance in their lives and have moved on. It should be a sign of hope for all of us that things get better. Hugs to all.

Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 4:25am

Hey there Jane P ... thar ya are!  Wish I was there!  I was on chat (saw you there, but you must have been doing something else.)  You signed off.  Sorry I missed you.  Just going to answer emails.  Will keep chat on while doing so. Hope you are having a peaceful evening my friend.

Big hugs


Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 4:21am

TO EVERYONE:  Finally my girlfriend and I got my first time ever artificial tree up tonight.  What a sight ... wish you all could have been here for a good laugh.  Tree came in 3 sections and Sue and I put the wrong one in the stand.  Both stood back and had a look at it and our eyes must have been off tilt ... boughs were going up the wrong way like a bad umberella day.  Had to regroup.  Finally got the right one in then headed for the second one and managed to get that in.  Thought we were pretty smart until we tried putting the top piece in.  I was helping Sue hold one side (tree is 7.5 feet and we are 5' 6") and had a heck of a time (didn't want to stand on anything for fear of one of us falling off and hurting a tail bone or something) so stretched up on our toes causing us both to the splits!  Honestly!  My foot went into the vanitian blind (didn't get stuck) and Sue got me laughing so hard I actually wet myself a wee bit.  I was a little ticked off that these strange actions of putting such a tree up and the antics we went through weren't caused by a good wine or something stronger ... just the stupidity of old hens trying to deal with progress.  Tree looks nice with all white lights and I told Sue to do what I have done since I was a kid and stare at the lights cross-eyed so she did and we started laughing again.  Coming from a Scottish Ancestery I yelled out 'I'm afeered; I'm afeered; these lights must be flashing out to space.  Talk about bright!  Don't even need my two lamps on.  Haven't decorated it yet and want to fluff out the branches more, but not bad.

Just thought I share with you that two old broads can still get some heavy things done when needed.  We're proud of ourselves. 

Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 4:10am

Jane P & Janeo ... Sweet Pea ... where oh where did you go?  Hair slicked back; eye lids turned inside out; spinach in your teeth; got schnoggen in your noggen (hang-over)?



Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 4:05am

Frank ... Are you getting my emails?  I keep getting 'mail not delivered' and I answered all your emails.  Please let me know.  Hope you are doing better my friend. Miss your encouraging words on here. 



Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 4:03am

Stacey ... it is so wonderful to hear from you (you were one of my lost chicks ... don't do that to an old chick like me!  LOL)  I know your grief is raw yet and it will take a little time to gain strength.  It will come I promise.  Take baby steps as Jane P says and do the best you can.  We are all in the same boat.  Grieving is normal and although you may not think so now you just wait hon ... you'll find out what your real strengths are all about.  Already you are strong because you are standing tall with your grief; doing the very best you can like the rest of us and the more we get slammed in our face the easier it seems to stay strong.  With me it's a stubborn streak .. I've survived battles in my life and I blast, I'm not giving into this and I know my sweetheart wouldn't want me to give in.  We are all here to be sure that family and friends know our spouses counted in this life and I carry the torch of those memories onward for my Ernie. 

You hang in there hon, and please, try posting a little more and just let it all hang out as no one on this forum ever judges anyone. 

Big Bear Hugs


Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 3:52am

Sue H ... join the Civil War Vets here ... broken this or that; flues; falls, etc.  Yes hon, I know how difficult it is for you and I'm still going through it, but a little easier as months go by although I will always have my beloved Ernie in my heart.  When talking if someone mentions something about a certain subject in conversation I WILL BRING UP a funny story about my Ernie and they can like it or lump it!  Too blasted bad if they don't want to hear your husband's name ... time for them to face reality (which they are not ... immortality strikes everyone sooner or later.)  At the end of your journey of raw grief you will become stronger and I do what is called 'cleaning out my closet.'  I have been there for so many friends through their difficult times and now it's their turn and if they can't understand like I understood their problems to a degree then it's time to kick 'em out of the closet and get on with life. Friends do not rush you through grief; they don't make you feel uncomfortable for mentioning your husband so don't take it!  He will always be a part of your life.  Mind you, I'm a tough old bird and just lay things on the line so there is no misunderstanding of where I am at in my grief; trying to hide my husband who was in my life 45 years.  Friends get it; some stay; some leave.  It's clearing the fog of who your true friends are. So glad you did go down that road because it was obviously bothering you.

So sorry that you broke your foot.  Seems many of us have had an accident; flu or just plain not feeling well.  Hang in there hon.  It will get better.  If friends are near or family reach out and touch someone and tell them you need help.  I'm beginning to find that many friends have stunted brain cells and don't always think of what grieving widows/widowers need in their life. 

Please keep posting Sue.  We're here to pick you up and you are never alone!  We can't be there is physical form, but we are there spiritually and the heart knows no distance.

Many big bear hugs


Comment by Marsha H on December 4, 2012 at 3:40am

Carol ...  I had the same flu bug and felt like you.  I was really scared being all alone and sick.  I thought of my girlfriends that had been sick in the past with a cold or flu and how I had gone down with soup; sandwich or offered to get them anything they wanted and I have not had one of them do the same for me.  Short memory span!  Carol, wish I lived closer and could help you. 

Just rest.  Eat light and if nauseated take Gravol to settle the tummy.  For 3 days I laid like a beached skinny whale under a quilt and hardly moved.  So glad you are feeling a bit better, but a warning!  You will feel a LOT better, but take it easy!  I felt good finally and it didn't take too long to get it back and it happened to my girlfriend too.  So be careful. 

You are so welcome about the love and support, but I get it back in spades from many of you here.

Keep well.  MOVE CLOSER!  LOL  We could limp along in life. 

Many hugs & get better soon.


Comment by Carol Kayser on December 3, 2012 at 9:29pm
Hi everyone. I got hit with the flu, awful! Feel so weak. The thing I don't like is being alone when I am sick. I feel so all alone, it's scary. I faint easily so it is so worrying. Today have been sleeping but feel a little better now.
Stacey, glad your Dr appt went well. You hang in there:)
Marsha, thanks for all the love and support!
Comment by Marlena on December 3, 2012 at 9:09pm


I'm glad you were able to download the book.  Hopefully, this book will help us make our way on this journey. 

I remember the black hole...I actually remember writing about it here all those many months ago.  Hang in there...I know it's not easy and even after all this time I still have my moments, but I hang on tight to all the memories; they do carry me through.  It's hard to imagine, and I didn't believe it back then, but there will be a day when the weight on your chest lessens just a bit.  This time of year is still especially hard and you are right - you are not many here "get it".

Blessings and hugs to make it through the holidays!


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