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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on December 5, 2012 at 3:13am

Stacey ... No problem.  I can imagine how busy you are with your little guy.  I know it's difficult to find a reliable babysitter.  I'm proud of Stacey as I know it isn't easy for you, but you are taking those baby steps and slowly the stress of grief will lessen.  I wish you luck on the apartment.  Please let me know how you made out.  Good luck on your interview too and I'm sure you'll get the job!  I'll pray for you.  If you can ask some of the mothers around where you live who they trust to babysit or if they know of an agency.  This way you feel more secure.  You can also use a video camera hidden to be sure your little guy is looked after properly. Legal or not legal many parents are doing that here in British Columbia.

Stay strong hon, I pray for all on here.

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by stacey on December 4, 2012 at 10:22pm

marsha- im so sorry mother hen ive been busy with my lil man and closing at work and trying to find a babysitter all the time, im starting to feel lonely but im hanging in there. i really want this apt i looked at i want i need the extra room for all spoiling this xmas from everyone. i also got a phone interview request for a new job hopefully more stable hours for me and baby for babysitters im going crazy here trying to figure out babysitters and whose gonna sit in my house i trust stuff like that.

Comment by Diane C on December 4, 2012 at 8:41pm

Hi Marlena,

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. You and Frank have given me the courage to ask my neighbors (Rich's good friends) to help me. It makes sense what you said about them really wanting to help too. And I love to talk about my husband, but it is so hard some times. I ran into a friend of his at Lowes this weekend and he was so kind and so sorry for my loss, but I just got too emotional to continue talking to him. I feel bad that I do this. I am sure it makes these people so uncomfortable to talk to me. And I try so hard not to let it happen, but it just comes pouring out of me. I do appreciate you taking the time to chat with me about my latest "issues".... Take care and hugs to you too!!

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 4, 2012 at 8:31pm

 Sue, 

  Yes, she can cheer this forum up with her posts. I am glad you found us to get you through some tough days and when we hear from you getting better it lifts our spirits. New traditions are a good thing if the old traditions are painful and I am glad that his daughter is so thoughtful (must have gotten that trait from her dad).  Good night and a hug to you.

Comment by Sue H on December 4, 2012 at 7:46pm

Marsha, you have no idea what a boost you gave me when I read your post. I am so grateful I found you all here. You guys are stuck with me! I had a wonderful phone call from Ray's daughter tonight. We are planning a get together before the holidays to just be together and celebrate Ray. Nothing would make him happier. A new tradition. We only had one year and I am so happy his children will remain in my life.

Comment by Marlena on December 4, 2012 at 6:37pm

Hi...I'm just checking back in after being gone for quite a while.  I have been here since Steve started this page over 3 years ago.  I come and go...sometimes I just need to be here and then other times I feel the need to step away.  I read your posts and so many of them I could have written and probably did write something similar.  I have felt the way you all do and some days still do feel that way.  Mostly, I wish we could have our life back just the way it was. This path that we were all so unwillingly thrown into is not easy - it's long and treacherous.  And the horrible reality is that we have absolutely no control over any of it...it feels as if we are all just along for the ride.  Sure, we can make choices about what direction we end up taking, but that comes further down the line.  For now, we all just have to walk through the grief, follow the journey where it leads, because there is no way around it...as much as I wish there was.

Diane C, One thing I've learned in the past 3 1/2 years is not to be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  So many people want to help, but just have no idea what to do.  You asking gives them something tangible to do for you.  Plus, it helps them to work through their grief as much as it helps you to get things done. I usually get all misty (and sometimes full blown tears) when someone does help just because it means so much and it hurts, too, to know that the fix-it man I had isn't there to do his jobs.  When it seemed as if my tears or my talking about Tom was making them nervous I reminded them that their work means so much to me and that I like talking about Tom and knowing how much Tom meant to them makes it easier to talk to them about him. (As long as it doesn't bother you to talk about your husband.) Once you let them know it's okay to talk about your love they usually are willing to open up and share stories.  (I love hearing the crazy stories his friends have to share about all their wild adventures together.)  For Tom's friends it is a relief to feel they can talk about Tom comfortably with me.  Believe me, you won't sound pathetic to them.

Hugs and Blessings

Comment by Diane C on December 4, 2012 at 5:19pm

Frank,

Thanks for the response. Sorry to hear that you have been having a rough day today too. I have cried for 3 days straight and then this darn dryer really added to my misery. I have had a lot of people offer their help, but I just don't know which ones really mean it. Guess I just really hate to bother any one. I think it has just been a really rough couple of days, and I just needed to vent. I just wish I had a really good male friend that would help me with all of the stuff as it comes up. I do have 2 wonderful neighbors that would help me at a drop of the hat. I guess I should swallow my pride and make a couple of phone calls. They were best friends with my husband, but I think it bothers them (makes them sad I think) to come over and be here without him. Just not sure I can do it without breaking down and sounding pathetic....

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 4, 2012 at 5:00pm

Diane,

 Just the opposite for me.  I am learning about house cleaning and doing laundry. House is very unkempt and I really cannot get into it at this time.  You should have some male friends or his friends that you could try to call for advice about repairs. We were dealt this hand and we have to accept it because there is no choice. I have had a bad day because of phone calls and discussions I have had about my wife so I have shed quite a few tears at various times today.  Like you, I wonder when it gets better. Hugs to all.

Comment by Diane C on December 4, 2012 at 4:11pm

Hi Marsha, sounds like you and your girlfriend had a great time. So glad to hear that you got the tree up and with no injuries. ;0) I am having a bad few days. The 1st was my 4th month anniversary without my husband. It is still so hard for me to accept the cards I have been dealt. Then find out today that my dryer is not working. I hate calling repairmen and being here alone when they come to make the repairs. How do you find a good reputable company to begin with? My husband could do most repairs himself, or seemed to have all sorts of connections or knew who to call when we needed something. I never had to worry about this. Then how do you decide to either repair or replace? I just miss my husband SO much, and I want the life we had back. This is just so damn hard!!!!

 

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 4, 2012 at 8:19am

Marsha, I am getting over a bad cold and my internet service having some glitches which one of my sons corrected for me.  Sounds like you had a good time with your tree and I am glad you are able to do so and have such a good friend to share times like that. Going over some old postings, I noticed that many have not returned and it is probably because they found some kind of peace and acceptance in their lives and have moved on. It should be a sign of hope for all of us that things get better. Hugs to all.

 

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