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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Sep 15

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Carol Kayser on September 23, 2013 at 6:11pm

Dear Diane C.  Thank you for your post to Frank (hello Frank) in where you say you are no where near the fun loving person you used to be - me too Diane, me too.  I had to explain that to a former friend, whosays she thinks I have "issues" I have to work on.  Yes, my issue is I lost my husband.  Really? I would need to explain that?  Sigh.  At any rate, I also said that my world had turned itself upside down since then and I was not going to apologize.  But since I was not the fun loving person with no "issues" any longer, I guess I was not fun to be around and became demanding (apparently).    So needless to say, not friends any longer.  I have had hurtful things said to me about not being fun any more and a drag.  However, I like you, am finding myself laughing more and funnily enough I really laugh at Uncle Si on Duck Dynasty!  The thing is, my sweetheart would have loved that show and I'm pretty sure we are laughing together.

I have done forgetful and silly things too and made bad choices.  As you say we can only learn from them. 

I am glad you have different people working on your roof now Diane.   Yes, these things take much time.  When I had a flood in my house in the winter, it took that long as well.  They wanted me to leave the house but fortunately I still had my bedrooms upstairs and I could use the appliances to cook etc.  So I was lucky in that regard. 

One they get the wood and trusses things will likely go a bit quicker.  Prayers for that Diane!  In the meantime, stay warm.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 5:52pm

Hi Helen,

I am so glad that the CD from your psychic was so much better than the drawing. But glad to hear that she is giving you your money back. And what a pain about the customs getting the price wrong. That is a huge difference between $16 and $160. Good luck getting that all straightened out. I hope you are having a better day too.

I am wishing you the best tomorrow, with the students. Good luck in telling your story. I know you will do a great job. Be sure and let us know how it went.

Diane

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 5:48pm

Hi Marsha,

Disappointed I haven't seen anything from you today. I guess that means you are still down and out with that darn flu bug. I hope to see you back and posting soon. I wish I could send you some soup and something nice and warm to drink. And I hope you were able to get your bag of groceries back. Oh have I done some things like that. I don't even want to talk about all the crazy things I have done, and don't even realize it. Friday I walked down to the ex-contractors house to pay him for the clean-up work he did after the tree hit. I put the envelope in his mailbox as he was not home. Then during the night I was thinking, what did I do with the copy of the check I made.... hmmmmm, when I woke in the morning I went looking for the copy, and lo and behold, the check was still in my copy machine. So what in the heck did I put in his envelope?? So at 6:00 a.m. I put the check in another envelope, put that in a plastic sandwich bag, because it was pouring rain outside. I was going to drive down, because of the rain and I couldn't get my garage door up. Somehow the GFI tripped and I could not get it reset. I then bundled up, because it was still cold and pouring rain outside, and walked down to his house. My old envelope was still in his mailbox, he didn't get it the day before. So I switched them out and came home. I opened the original envelope and there was nothing inside. I just sealed the envelope and put his name on it. I am just thankful that he didn't get it because he would have been ticked thinking I was doing that on purpose. Oh boy did I dodge the bullet or what? But the creep has not even acknowledged that he got the real check. Oh well, I am just glad to get him off my back and off this job. I thought that might give you something to laugh about.  I hope you get the VHS/CD issue straightened out too. I have our wedding on VHS and want to get that put on CD too. I should probably get moving on that too. Well, Marsha, please know that I am thinking about you every day, and hoping to hear that you are getting stronger every day too.

Love and Hugs!!

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 5:30pm

Hi Jane P,

Thanks for the encouraging words on my house. I met with the "new" project manager today. He and his helper and a guy from the lumber company came for more measurements, and to look over the job. They said a week to 10 days before they can begin. They have to order the trusses(sp?), and  they have to have them to begin. That was very disappointing for me, but it is to be expected. So I will go with the 10 day waiting period and maybe I will be shocked when it happens sooner. It was 9 weeks last Saturday, so I am not sure why I thought it could happen sooner. Our weather is getting cold at night, but we should be back in the mid 70's for the rest of the week and weekend. I do have a gas fireplace I can put on if it gets too cold in here. But I will have to move out of my bedroom when they start. Like you said something more on my plate to deal with. I will make it through this, I am sure. Thanks again for your concern, I appreciate it.

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 5:22pm

Hi Mac,

I will keep you in my thought's and prayers on Friday. All the important dates and holidays are so hard on us. I think the anticipation is so much harder than the actual day. But that could just be the way I feel. I released balloons on Rich's anniversary date of passing, but I am going to do them again on his birthday in Nov. However you choose to spend the day, I will be thinking about you!

Hugs

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 5:18pm

Frank,

So good to see you posting, as always. But, so sorry that you are having a bad time of it right now. I too have a hard time making decisions and facing problems. But I am trying to stay calm and just hoping for the best. I have made some very wrong decisions since Rich passed away, but I can only hope I learned from them. The stress of grieving has taken it's toll on most of us too. I know I am no where near the fun loving woman I was before Rich got ill and our whole world changed in a second. When we heard the cancer diagnosis, and then heard that it was pancreatic cancer, I knew that it was not curable. And I knew we would be in a fight like never before in our lives. I went to every doctor appt., every surgery, every chemo treatment. I sat by his side through it all. He told everyone that I was the best wife he could ever ask for. But I still feel that I failed him by having to put him hospice for the last 33 days of his life. I could no longer care for him by myself and I could not afford in home nursing care beyond what Hospice could give me. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. But you know something I have just noticed this weekend? That I now laugh at funny commercials or comedy on TV. I can not tell you the last time I laughed. So I really think some of the fog is beginning to lift for me. I still don't feel I am even close to being out of the woods on this journey, but I can see some sunlight. I wish the same for you Frank. I will keep my prayers coming for you.

Hugs!!

Comment by Diane C on September 23, 2013 at 4:46pm

Hi Wilela,

I didn't know that you were a Grandma to triplets!! That must have been very interesting to say the least. I only visit occasionally, and it is definitely chaotic, but I must say it is very controlled chaos. Thankfully Brian was there to go through this with you. It is a blessing for those grandchildren to have known their grandpa. That was a very interesting story you read and told about the lady that left her body and had to come back during some very serious surgery. Thanks for sharing that with us.

Take care!!

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 23, 2013 at 2:13pm

I had a reading by a recommended psychic who draws the subject whilst she is giving the reading.   She is based in the US so you can imagine how much it all cost.   The picture duly arrived and boy was |I disappointed.   It was nothing like Morley and |I bawled by eyes out.   I contacted her and told her and she says it rarely happens but does sometimes and refunded the drawing part of the cost but that just wasn't the point I really wanted a drawing of Morley to prove he was still around me and she could see him and it would reaffirm that he was waiting for me .   The CD arrived yesterday and that is a whole different ball game.   I have listened to it five times.   She got that he was definately not ready to go and tried his hardest not to and had to be dragged as he didn't want to leave me.   She said he is hovering over me always and is waiting for me and will take my hand when my time comes.   The picture of him would have made the whole thing so worth while but I suppose the CD being so right is better than nothing so I don't feel so ripped off as I did when I saw the picture.   The only thing is that I have been ripped off from UK customs and excise as whoever filled in the form put the decimal in the wrong place and instead of $16 it has come out looking like $160 and that automatically put me in the bracket of a bill from customs and excise.   I can try and get it back but I am not holding my breath.    I talk to the students tomorrow  morning so please, all my friends keep rooting for me that I do a decent job of it

Comment by Carol Kayser on September 23, 2013 at 1:16pm

Hi all, I wondered why the site was so quiet but now I am realizing I haven't been receiving my email updates.  Any idea how to get those back? 

 

Thanks, raining here and dreary, not great for a Monday!

Carol

Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on September 23, 2013 at 11:36am

DID anyone see the film: “The Sessions”? WOW! what a good film of humanity.

I saw it twice just to hear the poems and in some strange way pay listen to those who live without the human touch. I have lived without the human touch for over a couple of years now....its not easy! on top of our grief, we feel extra lonely too--that is totally different layer of loss of a companion.

 

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