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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2, 2018. 5 Replies

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Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on September 25, 2013 at 12:43pm

dearest beloved Helen. Your tears are a faucett connected to your heart. Even when some of us dont cry wet tears, our heart still is broken and damp, weighe down and is manifested ---all of us--differently, as unique as our lovedone and our love we shared.

I hope you find some sunny patches to warm your face

v

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 25, 2013 at 12:05pm

Hi All   Today has been a day of many tears.   Why more today than yesterday - don't know.   Maybe the session with the students upset me more that I had realised.   Think I might try a different tack next week as someone suggested and ask them what they feel about grief and how long it should last (forever in my case it seems as I am no better now than I was at the beginning).    The tears just come unbidden with no particular trigger and I suddenly find myself sobbing my heart out and begging Morley to come for me that I cannot stand this life without him any longer.   Of course that does not happen and I have to face yet another day of loneliness and unhappiness.   Yet there are some widows I have befriended (some widowed longer than me and some shorter) who seem to have been able to cope with the extremes of grief so much better than me.   I wish I knew their secret.    I am going out tomorrow night and Friday night both to things that will bore me rigid but somehow I feel I ought to be doing to try and catch up with the more "successful" widows.   I personally believe I will always grieve Morley just as I do now and it will never get any better until I do get to him and I can only hope that is sooner rather than later (my dread is another 15 years or so of feeling this unhappy and dreading every morning).

Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on September 25, 2013 at 6:43am

Barbara-im pleased to hear you find some sense of comfort here. I do too. Regarding your sweetie and “The Voice” : )
Bee n i watched “American Idol” and last season I kept rooting for the singer I knew he’d love. I love to do things we did together, even if its harder on some days, its a sense of “old familiar places”. A little golden stream of hope..and peace. 
Hugs and blessings, Vee

Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on September 25, 2013 at 6:40am

Grief is one of the top stressors, on the  psychology list. I forget everything! I always keep post it notes on my kitchen counter and send myself text messages as soon as I remember to do something. 

I find that missin my Bee has caused me to feel numb, disinterested in life and not eating as well as I should. I do try to force myself to reach out to others as my pain counselor ask us to do. It does help.

Grief has left me jaded about life. Negative. I know my faith is in there somewhere, but is competing with a world of loss. Not just my own acute loss.pain, but knowing what so so so many are hurting. I dont resent those who are doing well, it just makes me feel left ouf of life ’s stream of sunny days..

sorry I am not very good at this post. I just cannot keep up with e mail and other stuff due to chronic pain.

I apprec every single of ONE OF YOU here at this station of lost hearts...

Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2013 at 5:52am

Barbara ...  sorry, but you made me giggle about losing things or forgetting because I have done the same thing.  I have taken off the wrapping off wieners and put them in the boiling water and put the wieners in the garbage!  So far I have lost my cell booster,  I go into a room knowing full well what I need and find when I get there I forget what it was.  Don't worry, it's normal and won't last forever.  Sometimes I have a laugh at myself and sometimes I just get frustrated and start to wonder if I'm losing it.  It's part of grief.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2013 at 5:47am

Helen ...  You are not a failure at all and I'm so proud of you. The next time you meet with the students (some of them need to have electrical currents under their tooshies at the best of times) put the ball in their court and ask THEM what they are interested in about grief, the handling of patients and let one or two have to answer you as to their feelings on this before you even start telling your story.  I bet it will work!  Otherwise you have benchwarmers putting in time.  MAKE THEM THINK!

Love ya

Marcy

Comment by Jane P. on September 25, 2013 at 5:15am

Barbara, You are not loosing your mind you are grieving.  I still double check myself, forget things and cry often.  When I feel derogatory statements are directed at me, such as Diane C. 'friends' comment,  I usually remind them how blissful ignorance is and their cross eyed stare to my comment is priceless.  People just don't get it.  And yes Barbara, you will NEVER get over this it is just something you need to work through as we all struggle each and every day.  Baby steps, one foot in front of the other and if you falter we are here to pick you up because WE understand.  Big Hugs,  Jane P.

Comment by Jane P. on September 24, 2013 at 6:46pm

Helen, It is hard to gage what has transpired with just one session.  Remember, it is hard for people to fathom the grief we are experiencing, or just  how hard it is for us to just get out of bed in the morning.  Never underestimate yourself.  I am sure since most are so young they may never have had to deal with grief at all, let alone the magnitude of grief we are experiencing.  You brought them the reality of grieving,  by bringing Morley to life for them.  You brought them your broken heart, your struggle to find normalcy within grieving.  You brought them reality of life.  If you touch just one person in that room you have done a good job.  Some just don't get it and never will.  

You ARE doing a good job, more doctors should have a class on compassion, a class showing them grief is real and it is NOT something we get over it is something we go through.   

I am so proud of you and somehow I feel Morley is too!  BIG HUGS,   Jane P.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on September 24, 2013 at 12:53pm

So glad I found this site -- today, I learned I am not losing my mind just because I couldn't remember if I put laundry detergent in with that load of laundry or because I couldn't find my dog's collar or because I have to check and re-check if I put the check in the envelope --

 Diane C. Did your friend really ask, "how are you doing with that grief stuff"?  In my present mood I'm afraid I would have answered -- "doing great with the grief stuff, its the "acceptance stuff" I have a problem with".  Snarky!?! I know she probably meant well -- but, for goodness sake, did they all read the same book on grief???  My friend said, "Are you angry yet -- when you get angry that means you're getting over it".  Number 1, I will NEVER get over "it" and Number 2, I started out ANGRY!

I watched the beginning of the new season of The Voice last night and remembered how Chris loved that TV program -- and I cried through most of it.  I used to tease him telling him that he just watched it because he had a crush on Christina A.  But he really loved music and cheered for his favorites on the show -- following their progress all through the season.  What a heart he had for people!  

I miss him so.

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 24, 2013 at 6:51am

Di Diane

I have listened to the CD several times and it is very comforting, she got so much right.   I only wish she had been half as good with the picture.   I have looked into getting the customs money back but quite honestly the hoops you have to jump though I just cannot be bothered.   I guess that is what they make all the money on, people like me giving up on the form filling

 

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