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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Vee Herrera Michrina on September 26, 2013 at 11:25pm

Cherly, dear. I am so so sorry wow! ONLY 6 months, that is a fresh wound, a very fresh wond of the heart. I lost my swetie, last April 16, 2012 N mine is still fresh too (to me anway)
I just started walking daily to help me cleanse some of the pain from my broken oozing heart. 

Im learning that we all grieve differenlty as our love and person was unique. Take your time. Breathe in the pain because to me, the pain weighs the same as the love...

Im sorry : ( its so horrendous of a pain. Mixed with some cold hard denial and cold hard lonilness and longing for that one beautiful soul. 


It’s all we can do is grieve: WALK through the fire.

God bles you, Vee 

Comment by cheryl holbrook on September 26, 2013 at 7:05pm

Hello all, I know I have not been on for some time but I like others do catch some posts here and there. 

Its 6 months to the day that I lost my Mike and my heart still is broken beyond repair and my mind still is in dis-belief, yet somehow life goes on.

I feel so sad for ones that have still been grieving like it was yesterday, and its been over the year, 2 year, 3 year or more mark. I cannot even imagine, and its still so fresh for me.

I did get a job, and worked for 5 weeks and then on top of everything else, last Saturday I was called in the office and told I was not added to the schedule, and I was let go because as they said to me " Im not ready for this job". I have been just tore up since it was looking like I was going to be able to at least function and pay my bills all at the same time. Seems like one step forward 2 back. i miss my darling so much. I feel like Im just existing now and living in the twillight zone (where no man has gone before).

To all who have had anniversary,birthday or any other memorable dates, I pray that you find some type of peace through the grieving.

One day at a time .. hugs .. Cheryl

 

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 26, 2013 at 9:29am

Chicago Bears   It is over three years since I lost Morley (my husband) and the pain is no less than at the beginning (I had no family perhaps you have and that helps) and the crying never stops either.   I cry a lot in the car as no one notices or hears but sometimes I have to pull in because I am crying so hard I cannot see the road.   Don'e be ashamed of the tears even after three years.   It just means you loved her very much.   I've said it before but I am going to say it again to you.    I honestly thinks that only those of us who were sole mates with our loved ones find legacy and thank God for it

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on September 26, 2013 at 9:25am

Barbara   I am still crying for my husband every day of my life and it is over 3 years.   Some people can control it better than others.   I cannot.    When I am in public now I can control it most of the time but it just needs one trigger and the tears are flowing and when I get home - well just lets say I have found as place in my house where none of my neighbours can hear me and most nights you will find me there bawling my eyes out.   I have no family which doesn't help as I feel so very alone now.   I actually don't think I will ever stop crying for Morley (my husband) and actually why should we if it helps and crying is cathartic, it releases tension.   If others cannot cope then I am sorry but after 3 years I now have the opinion that it is their problem not ours.   I am so sorry for your loss.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on September 26, 2013 at 9:14am

I really, really hate that I cannot control the catch in my voice or the tears that spring up when I talk to anyone about my Chris.  A few days ago I had to go to our bank to take care of some business with a bank officer.  We live in a very small town and everyone knows everyone -- Chris did all our banking and all the tellers knew him well.  

When the bank officer began to talk about Chris, I inwardly vowed I wouldn't cry -- but my voice caught and my eyes misted up.  She came around her desk and hugged me.  She said, "I can't say that I know what you are going through, but we all liked your husband, here in the bank, and if there's anything we can do to help you, please let us know."  I barely made it out to my car before the torrent of tears started.

It has been 5 months.  When will I stop crying in public.  I hate that more than anything!  

I am normally so reserved and in control of my emotions.  

It is one of the reasons I think I feel I can't go out in public.  I have cried in church, at the grocery store, while chatting with neighbors in the yard, at the hairdresser, in the doctor's office and in front of complete strangers.

It just makes me feel so completely out of control and helpless.  It makes me wonder if people think I am consumed with self-pity. I am just not the kind of person who allows people in, like that -- but I can't seem to stop.  And, I know it must make people feel uncomfortable.

I want to keep my grief private.  I don't want to put it out there for everyone to see -- but it just seems to boil over and spill out.  

I have promised myself that I would allow myself to grieve -- I have given myself permission to grieve as deeply and for as long as I need -- but I just hate that it keeps slipping out in public.

Can anyone out there relate?  Can anyone tell me when it will be safe to go out among people, again?

Comment by Chicago Beard on September 26, 2013 at 8:55am

Today is three years since I lost my Rose. The pain is not as sharp but it never goes away either. I still find myself driving and thinking of her. The tears start and I pound the steering wheel in frustration. I do love my new lady and am grateful for her but the truth is I wish I never had the opportunity to meet her. Miss you Rose. Hope you are happy where you are.

Comment by Marsha H on September 26, 2013 at 5:43am

To all no matter how fresh your grief is this song says it all and I wanted to share it with you.  It has been 2 1/2 years since my sweetie died and I miss him with every breath I take, but, now things are becoming clearer to me. I survived before I met him, when I met him he made me believe in true love again, we were best friends, lovers and soul mates and now I realize what he gave me was a gift to enrich my life and now that he is gone I am reaching back to the time when I did survive and know in the future I am going to survive, but so much more enriched with what he taught me and for that I feel blessed.

I hope my dear friends that this song will give you hope and the courage to keep going (even if it's baby steps) because sheer grief is not forever and there is hope for each one of us for we are heroes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLFfXTwdVbY

Comment by Marsha H on September 26, 2013 at 5:41am

To all no matter how fresh your grief is this song says it all and I wanted to share it with you.  I had been 2 1/2 years since my sweetie died and I miss him with every breath I take, but, now things are becoming clearer to me. I survived before I met him, when I met him he made me believe in true love again, we were best friends, lovers and soul mates and now I realize what he gave me was a gift to enrich my life and now that he is gone I am reaching back to the time when I did survive and know in the future I am going to survive, but so much enriched with what he taught me and for that I feel blessed.

I hope my dear friends that this song will give you hope and the courage to keep going (even if it's baby steps) because sheer grief is not forever and there is hope for each one of us for we are heroes!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLFfXTwdVbY

Comment by Marsha H on September 26, 2013 at 3:56am

Vee ...  I really appreciate your kindness and the good tips you gave to get better and I'll give it a try.  I'm feeling much better than previously, but keeping a good eye on this bug as it can come back.

I hope things are going more smoothly for you Vee and that your pain has subsided. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on September 26, 2013 at 3:54am

Diane C ...  You are such a sweetheart and even with your own grief, the insurance problems on your house and now the contractor you still have time to try and boost my spirits.  I admit I did have a giggle at the empty envelope.  I have done stupid things like that as well.  The other day I was looking for a piece of paper that I had clipped my pen to and hunted everywhere and found it in the fridge on the top shelf!  I guess I put it down in there to grab something to eat.  It sure scared the heck out of me!  LOL  I could go on and on about the stupido things I've done.

I am happy to hear you are rid of your contractor.  That's a big relief off your shoulders and I know things will go more smoothly for you now. 

I am feeling a little better all the time, but I'm really watching myself and getting as much rest as possible as this is a nasty flu and they said it could last up to 6 weeks (not deathly ill for 6 weeks, but if not getting enough sleep it can come back.) 

Thank you my dear friend for always thinking of me and I do think of you often and I'm on the mend and then you'll never shut me up.  LOL

Love ya

Marsha

 

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