Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: yesterday
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
Hello everyone just checking in. I need to ask you guys for a favor for me. My mom is going in for a biopsy on her breast and we're hoping for good news. I need some extra prayers my ways if you could help me with that it'd be great. It's also 9 days away from it being a year that my husband died I'm not looking forward to the day, but a week after that my other support group starts. I'm loving bowling so far its a great night out with the ladies.
my identity is an empty shell now.
I am an empty garden
A loneliness that NO one else can fill. I cannot bear to know its true! that my precious Barry is gone! or worse that he will not come back to me, it's so dam painful to even imagine it. I want him here to talk to, to hug , to see that smile, to hear that belly laugh, that scolding (loving O UALL GET THROUGH THIS??????????? It's so awful! the worst, the hardest. I , wow! one minute at a time...
Cheryl 6 months seems like the same as it would be yesterday I lost my Husband Oct 2009 and his birthday was yesterday and I still cry,I just do not feel whole anymore and I do know the daze we go thru its like a dream and we are going to wake up but it just goes on and on the whole world looks different now and material things do not mean anything anymore, food does not taste the same even the tv shows seems meanless even when you hear someone is ill you feel for them but it does not do anything for the cuting knife in your chest. guess I am not making much sense I think Marsha, Jane, Jane and Carol could make more sense than I can but I am so sorry you and all of us have to be here.
Barbara I am so sorry to read about your sister and so soon after you lost your beloved, its a blessing that she will have you to care for her and her son.
There are so many I would like to comment on but just not up to it today my husbands birthday was yesterday and I did not get one call from my girls can't tell which is worse not having family at all or having family that is just to busy to really care . Everyone take care and hope this will be a better day for all.
Dear Friends -- Losing Chris, five months ago to cancer was the worst thing ever -- now, I just learned yesterday that my younger sister has inoperable, incurable cancer. She is a single mom with a teenage boy still at home, a married daughter, and a brand-new baby grandson. She had surgery and chemo a year ago for lung cancer and now its back, stage 3, in the lining of her lungs.
Oh, God! Are you not finished with this family, yet?
I am her chief support -- I just don't know if I can go through this, again -- but, of course, I will. I just don't know where I will find the strength.
The doctors say chemo will give her more time. I think of Chris and how we prayed for more time together -- how he decided to fight for more time -- and, how, in the end he had to give up his fight. The heartbreak of knowing there was nothing else to be done.
Oh, Lord, give me strength to help my sister and her family go through this.
She will probably need to come and live with me -- she is alone with no one to care for her, except her teen-age son, who is absolutely devastated with this news -- he thought his Mom was getting well.
She called me, sobbing and crying, from the doctor's office. I had offered to go with her but she (and I) thought she just had an infection. We thought the PET test was just a precaution on the part of the doctor, because she was having upper respiratory problems. We believed her prior surgery and chemo had "got it all".
Though I am trying to think, not about myself, but about my sister -- a little voice in the back of my mind keeps saying, "Why couldn't it be me, Lord -- I am ready to go -- missing and wanting to be with Chris -- why not me? Are You so determined to leave me here alone, without any of those I love?"
Oh Barbara ... I certainly can relate to you. My husband and I were well liked in the community (small town) and so many people knew us. I dealt with the Credit Union here and they all liked us and after he passed away I can to go in to get some accounts changed (another difficult thing to do taking my sweetie's name off things) and as I walked in about 8 people came up to me surrounding me and asking how I was doing. I looked terrible, lost a lot a weight and felt terrible. Like you, I tried to cover it up, but of course tears rolled down my face. They all surrounded me trying to console me. Believe it or not there are kind people out there that can relate somewhat to our grief and pain. Some still come over when I go there and I often wish they'd just treat me on a normal basis, but I think they are worried about me. I just let the tears fall. When grocery shopping (my husband had Celiac Disease .wheat-gluten disorder) and I'd spot foods I would normally buy him and I'd start to cry. He always put the gas in the car and now I was doing it and I'd get frustrated and break-down crying. I take the dogs for a walk on the same paths my husband and I took and tears can come and go. I miss holding his hand and just talking. It's normal Barbara and it doesn't last forever. Eventually you will be able to control it. I often wear my sunglasses weather permitting and that helps hide the tears.
Most of us on here felt so confident when we had our spouses and now that they have passed away we miss them, feel vulnerable, lonely and deserted. It's called dignity and pride Barbara that we had so it's difficult to let ourselves go and just cry and it took me about 9 months to realize I had a right to show my emotions and to heck with what other people thought. It is NOT self pity at all, but missing the love of our lives. Now I'm more stern if someone should react to my grief or if they should say, 'I would think you should be over it.' I bite! LOL I don't let them get away with it. They don't walk in our shoes. So my dear friend cry when you want to and don't think this makes you weak because it's grief and the crying helps to take the stress away and cope with grief.
Barbara, GO OUT anytime! Don't stop! I look at family, friends and even strangers as adults and death is part of the cycle of life and to bad if it may make them uncomfortable. I found many people were kind about it. Just let go when you have to. If you at someone's house or in a mixed group excuse yourself by saying you need to go out for fresh air or to the washroom and have your cry there. My suppressing grief it will just last longer.
You are still very strong and intelligent as well to know it's important we need to embrace the pain of grief in order to get over the worst of it and then start to live in the future. There is a future for us if we work through the grief and reach out for it. Take comfort in knowing that you will see your Chris again. He is in a peaceful place without pain and you are left behind for just a little while to carry on in his memory. You are stronger than you think and remember, we are all going through what you are.
Cheryl ... My heart goes out to you as many of us have all been where you are. In ways in our fog-like minds we were in a twilight zone, but it's the brains way of coping with horrific stress.
I found myself just existing the first year and in shock. It was like watching a movie or having a nightmare one couldn't wake up from. No one can describe the heart-wrenching feeling when we lose our spouse and I still feel when my husband passed away he took part of my spirit with him. The second year for me was enlightenment and facing reality and I won't lie, it's not easy to realize your spouse is not coming back, your family goes on with their own lives and some friends simply disappear while others remain, but it also means we make new friends. Reinventing ones life being alone is not an easy task and difficult to know where we now fit into society.
I am so sorry you lost your job, but from many years of life there is always a good reason and I think you lost this job (through no fault of your own) because there is a better job out there for you.
We will never forget our spouses for as long as we live, but the pain doesn't seem so intense for most of us as time goes on. The first year of course is always the hardest, but we're here for you hon and you are not alone in this.
Chicago Beard ... I do know how you feel and if I am lucky enough to have a companion I know I'll feel the same as you. It seems so unfair that we have had to lose our spouses, but, please, enjoy what you have because you are at least not alone like many on the forum. One day you will meet your Rose again!
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