Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Carol Kayser on November 23, 2013 at 11:10am
I am thinking about the holidays and some words of wisdom my doctor's office sent to me a year after my husband died. I think the most important thing they say is to honor our loved ones at these special times. Don't not want to think of them because it is painful but include them by remembering and sharing in previous happy times. If a tear is shed then so be it, it's all part of the healing. Something we say a lot to each other in our house is "Dad would have loved this" or "Dad would be all over that". It's good to include and love and share the life we had.

Hoping as someone said recently, enjoy the day and find one thing that makes you happy.
Comment by Carol Kayser on November 23, 2013 at 11:02am
Dear Cheryl. That's wonderful you have 2 granddaughters. We are very blessed. You know what you are thinking about smiles it makes me think of my own dad when he was dying. He so loved his grandchildren. He would say that even when he wasn't feeling well my daughter Melissa, Abby's mom, would make him laugh! So I think Abby has that gift. She has a very loving heart.
All children come with these precious gifts, down from Heaven to soothe our weary souls:)

Comment by Carol Kayser on November 23, 2013 at 10:52am
Wilela. You are surrounded with loving people. You will have a lovely day at your son's wedding. Let us know.
Comment by Carol Kayser on November 23, 2013 at 10:49am
Barbara, good morning. About the winter closet. My darling had 3 really nice winter jackets. One I gave to my son-in-law and the other two I kept. His favorite wear everywhere down jacket is in my front closet and I wear it in the winter. It's way too big for me but I love to have it on. Jack would say it looked better on me than him LOL! His blonde hair against the green jacket, he looked so handsome;) a couple of his nice sweaters I have those too. So just approach with love and you will figure it out.
Hope your face feels better soon.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on November 23, 2013 at 8:19am

Thinking of Wilela today.  

Thinking of the holidays ahead and wishing we could skip ahead right into January.

Thinking I need to tackle that upstairs closet with all our winter clothes but knowing it will make me re-live too many memories of when Chris was ill.  Those are the hardest memories.

Thinking that this annoying twitch on the right side of my face is just a new sign of stress and wishing it would go away. 

Thinking there must be a blessing in this day, somewhere, and I just need to find it.  Really, really need to find it.

Comment by Marsha H on November 23, 2013 at 5:31am

Loralynn ...  The best way I can explain feeling like my husband (who passed away In 2011) and the first part of my grieving seemed as if he'd gone fishing and would be back in a few days or, I'd expect him home from work only to realize he wouldn't be coming home.  Days run into weeks when we first grieve and we lose track of time. Why shouldn't we feel this way for we have lost the love of our lives, our world is turned upside down, our routine shaken into another dimension and slowly as time goes on things become a little more balanced.  As Diane C said, cry if you want to or scream if that's what it takes.  There are steps in grieving and we are all different.  I wish I could help you and others much more to stop this brutal grief we are experiencing, but there are no words one can say and only time is the healer. You may not believe you will ever feel whole again, but you will.  I am doing a little better in my second year even though I have to push myself and now life is a little more tolerable, but I certainly have my days and I still can cry over a memory or a reminder anywhere of my husband.  I try to take those baby steps and hope soon the worst of the grief will soon be over.

You are stronger than you think my friend and although you might not think so now you will eventually start to realize this.  So, for now hon, lean on us and we'll do everything in our power to get you through this.



Comment by cheryl holbrook on November 22, 2013 at 9:00pm

Carol - just appreciate you sharing about your Abby. Children sure have a way of making us smile automatically. So glad you are enjoying her. I know I am mine as well (girls 3 and 6).

Wilela -Ill be thinking of you as well. I know it will be a bitter/sweet day for all of you. I know Id cry just for the sake of a wedding, memories i suppose.  Just be yourself,  don't be so hard on yourself, you may do better than what you think. Considering the circumstances Im sure everyone will be understanding.

Diane C - Im sure, you will be fine, like you told others, you also have a team cheering behind you. :) Love the balloons. Ill be thinking of you also.

Loralyn - thats a good question that Im sure many of wish we had the answer to. It seems like just yesterday (ok a month ago) that I lost my Mike, when in reality this week will be 8 months. Im still numb, disbelief.

Dont be so hard on yourself, take it momnt by moment if that is whats needed that day. Do what you feel, if its singing, sing, if you want to scream , go somewhere and do it. The best way to deal with anything is let it out. But letting it out is only in timing with each of us and what we need, everyone is different. Hang in there and knows your not alone. 

And yes I too do things or forget things I should know . example: just to make you feel , yes were not alone! - Thursday is garbage day, so I get the garbage all around out to the cans- and then Yes I for got to take them up to the road - I do get side tracked alot. 

Hope everyone has the best day tomorrow that they can knowing someone is thinking of you. One day at a time .. Cheryl

Comment by Loralynn W on November 22, 2013 at 5:26pm

Will someone please explain to me, how it can seem like it was only last week that John died AND that it has been an eternity since I heard him speak my name! 

Comment by Marsha H on November 22, 2013 at 4:35am

Wilela ...  Will be thinking of you Saturday.  If you think you are going to cry think of me walking into the hall with toilet paper hanging out the back of my dress and I've forgotten my partials!  I'll be the one that looks like a coat rack!  LOL

Big hugs


Comment by Marsha H on November 22, 2013 at 4:33am

Diane ...  You'll do just fine with visiting Rich's gravesite.  Let the balloons fly to the heavens and have a cry and you know, it's a good thing that the movers are coming the same day because it will help center your emotions and keep your mind off things.

I'll be praying for you girl.




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