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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by MikeF on April 27, 2014 at 7:30pm

Greg: I'm coming to the dog adoption discussion late, but it still appears that you are on the look.  I adopted a 4 1/2 year old Golden Retriever last July.  She has been a savior for me.  She added focus to my days and it is great to come home from work to a dog eager to play.

I was working through As Good as Gold (an Illinois based Golden rescue group) but ended up finding my dog at a local Humane Society. My dog is so gentle and well behaved.  A typical Golden.

There are a couple of Golder Retriever rescue groups in Michigan:

http://www.grrom.com/

http://www.greatlakesgoldens.org/adopt.htm

Both list their dogs through Pet Finder and it appears that both have dogs available for adoption (although only the first has actual pictures of the available dogs).

Comment by Kristen on April 27, 2014 at 6:54pm

How was everyone's weekend? Today I took my dog Abbie to an agility trial. Since Rob became sick, I had not trialed and she qualified for Nationals in June so I need to get her back out there and in the competitive spirit for our trip. Nationals was something that Rob and I were going to make a vacation out of. Rent an RV and take both dogs. He was just as excited as me to go and I know he wouldn't want me to miss it. Abbie did great today and it was nice for me to get away and get my mind into something else and do something that I love to do and something that Rob was so proud of. But then on my hour and half drive home, that sinking feeling hit that I would arrive home and he wouldn't be here. I couldn't make that phone call to him that I was on my home with a run down of how we did. And I had to step back into reality of my life without him. :(

Comment by Greg Janik on April 27, 2014 at 6:19pm
Phyllis, Don't rush it, take your time. I went crazy after my wife passed away. I thought I had to go through everything right away. I ended up throwing a lot of stuff away,(I'm talking pickup loads ) at the time nothing meant anything, I didn't want anything. Now I look back and I really regret it, a lot of things I wish I would have kept. April 5th was two years since my wife passed away, and I just now got the courage to clean out the closets and go through her clothes and it was not easy. Don't feel that you have to do everything right away, give yourself time. And definitely don't listen to those people pushing you. They have no clue what you are going through. It is going to take time and a lot of it, go slow, take your time and do things when you feel you are able to,
not when other people tell you too. Stay strong..
God Bless and Take Care..

Greg
Comment by janeo on April 27, 2014 at 5:39pm

Phyllis,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's still raw. to be honest I'm still in shock and it's been 4 years. But I can tell you it does get better. I knew nothing not even how to write a check or pay the bills. But with all the help on this site my friends here that we consider an extended family helped so much and gave me the confidence to learn new stuff on my own. It does takes time. But the hurt doesn't go away but we just learn to cope and go on another day. Stay strong !

Comment by phyllis eldridge on April 27, 2014 at 5:02pm

I have been busy cleaning up and cleaning out everything. It's only been 18 days, and I cry just trying to get things organized. I cannot even think about doing anything with his things. My bedroom is still just like it was the day it happened. Thinking about getting rid of any of his stuff hurts so much. And I do have a few of those pushy people around, who think I should  get on with my life. Like nothing ever happened.

Comment by janeo on April 27, 2014 at 3:01pm
It took me 2 years to clean out his side of the closet. I gave clothes to vets, kept some and had his favorite t-shirts made into a quilt. Take your time you will know in your heart when your ready. And you have to make the decision yourself. Don't let people pressure you in anyway. Bless you all !

Janeo
Comment by Kristen on April 26, 2014 at 7:18pm

I'm so sorry Greg. I started to write a post and had to delete it. I'm only 8 weeks into this nightmare and have not even thought about what to do with Rob's clothing. I wear his sweatshirts and a T-shirt of his to sleep in. On one hand, it's hard to walk into our closet every day and see all his clothes there, but I can't bring myself to part with them yet. I'm hoping that one day I can get to where you are. (((hugs)))

Comment by Theresa Wimann on April 26, 2014 at 7:11pm
Dear Marsha, I almost lost it today. I left the house to tAKe the dogs out not realizing I'd left bacon grease on the stove. Thank god it was a heavy pan and just smoked a bit. I need to slow down.
Comment by Theresa Wimann on April 26, 2014 at 6:57pm
Dear Greg! One of the first things I did was clean out Bruce's clothes. That may sound crazy but it was midwinter, a free clothing charity needed big men clothing and homeless shelter needed jackets. I let family rummage thru first, put aside special robes and tshirts and gave the lot away. I gave away over 200 t-shirts and 26 winter jackets alone because he just kept buying and those clothes I knew would benefit someone living. It helped me to know that others would enjoy wearing new or almost new clothing and shoes. It was hard. I sobbed after they took the clothing away but I know it was the right thing to do. And I felt a sense of peace, a touch like a feather on my shoulder afterwards. He knew and approved. He was always the first to give up things for others. He wanted others to like and have what he had enjoyed.
Comment by Marsha H on April 26, 2014 at 4:08am

Greg ...  I know how very hard it was to clean out Tracey's closet and so glad you kept her shirt in the pillow case.  I cleaned out Ernie's side of the closet a bit at a time, but kept his bathrobe and his work jacket and a few of his t-shirts.  I just couldn't part with them.  I too gave Ernie's clothing to a charity organization as we both always gave clothing or money to those less fortunate than we were.  It keeps our spouse's memory alive and Tracey would be so proud of you.  If you have religious faith Greg remember that material things don't matter to our loved ones while they were ill and when they passed away, but there are a few things of theirs we can hold onto to give us some comfort.  I'm am very proud of you for having the courage to do what you did.

I'm looking for that special dog for you and will you know when I find one I think you may like.  Is there any special breed you would prefer?

Remember my friend you are prayed over and in time the pain will lessen, but memories not forgotten.

Hugs

Marsha

 

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