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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Carol Kayser on October 29, 2014 at 1:57pm

Well hard to believe it is Halloween this week!  I should post a picture of little Abby in her Bumblebee costume, cutest bug ever!

For those of us with grandchildren, these are the moments we can cherish:)

Let's hope they share their candy hauls with us LOL....

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 29, 2014 at 1:55pm

Dear Sarah, so very sorry for your recent loss.  This site is the most comforting, loving site where people are truly concerned for each other.  They can walk you through each stage of grieving, and as Janeo says, there are no timelines and no one should be telling you otherwise.  There is no easy way to grieve Sarah.  Just take it moment by moment and know there are people who have walked this road and survived.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 29, 2014 at 1:50pm

Dear Barbara, oh I so agree with you about the babies and grandchildren, beautiful sentiments.  Babies have the most innocent of souls and they can see and feel things we adults have a hard time doing.  I love the feeling of the new little ones being held in heaven and meeting their loving grandparent before they are gently cradled in the arms of their waiting and loving families.

Children are the true gift of God and I too am at my happiest when with my 3 yr old Abigail.  The cuddles, the smiles, the laughter, the "I love you grandma" that comes of out nowhere, fill my heart with joy.  My dear Jack is part of that, an extension of his love.

We can love again, in so many different ways, in giving to family, friends, contributing in many ways.  The special and abiding love we have for our partners will always be with us.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 29, 2014 at 1:43pm

Dear Terry.  How well you expressed your feelings to us.  I have said very similar as I am sure we all have, that when I lost my darling Jack, I lost one half of the essence of us, the missing half that made us who we were.  There is no replacing this half, the soulmate that knew you inside and out.  The deep and abiding love will always be there, the days will feel shallow at first but slowly, very slowly they will fill with other things that will bring you small pieces of joy.

Keep writing and sharing Terry, this is the place to do that and there is love and continued support here.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Terry Kent on October 29, 2014 at 10:29am

Thank you Wilela and Janeo.  Its wonderful to have this place to come and share with those who understand so well.

Comment by janeo on October 29, 2014 at 9:47am
Dear Terry
we all understand and that's what were here for. Keep posting your feelings here. We care and help you go through this rough time. And don't forget what your feeling is normal. God Bless
Comment by Terry Kent on October 29, 2014 at 9:11am

Hi Everyone:  I continually read all the posts and still try to come to grips every day with how my Gus was just taken away one day at work and never came home.  It's been 10 months and it still feels like yesterday.  I just made plans for my kids and I to go away for Thanksgiving and Xmas because I can't bear to be here in the house that was always filled with the family and company and my husband enjoying it all.  I find myself writing quite frequently when I try to go to bed and can't sleep.  Sometimes on paper, and sometimes on the notes app of my iphone which is sitting on the nightstand.  I can't explain the "why" but for some reason I try to get into words that deep, raw pain that we all feel after the loss of someone who meant so much to us.  Last night I wrote this, and I feel like it represents so many of us that I just wanted to share it.  It may be weird, I'm certainly not a writer, but it helps when I write these things down and I thought it might help and I know you all can relate.

How is it that you can find that deepest connection, that truest love that goes right to the heart of your being?  You are like 2 halves that match up perfectly, 2 puzzle pieces that fit--if one is gone the puzzle is forever incomplete. 

Losing that someone--the other half of you--leaves an emptiness deeper than you ever knew existed.  A feeling so foreign and so painful it's unexplainable.  The only life you knew or wanted has been torn in half.  How can you go on from that?  That puzzle was one of a kind, can never be complete again, yet somehow it's still supposed to be what it always was.  but it's not--there's a hole in it.  People will never look at it the same.  They will always see the missing piece.  You, being the puzzle, feel the hole in you and feel the loss of what used to complete you.  A broken puzzle forever.  You can try to cut a shape and color it in to blend but it's just a mask, a filler for what's missing.  There is no replacement...only permanent loss that reaches deeper than you ever knew.

And then there's the kids...they came along and added wonderful edges and scenes to that puzzle.  They made it bigger...and better.  But the missing piece--it's that one in the middle, that base piece that without it the puzzle is totally distorted and no longer looks like the picture it was supposed to be, or even a picture at all.  Just An Empty Space where once was completeness.....

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts today. 

Terry

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on October 29, 2014 at 7:36am

Dear Elvira -- As Jane said, it does not get better, but somehow, easier to bear.  One thing I think I can offer you -- til this day, I cannot be sad when I am with my baby granddaughter who is just 2 years old.  The children are God's gift of joy.  We have had 3 new babies added to our family since Chris passed away -- and, I believe he knew each of their little angel souls before they came to us -- there is an old saying that when babies smile in their sleep, they are dreaming of angels -- when our babies smile in their sleep, I know they are dreaming of their Grandpa Chris.  

If it helps, hold the thought that Pablo already knows your baby grandson, and has held him, with love -- and, will deliver him safely to your arms.

Hugs,

Barbara

Comment by Elvira Castellanos on October 28, 2014 at 10:35pm

Hello everyone, I see that the site has been pretty active, which maybe means we are looking for support, Sarah, sorry for your loss, you found the right place. my weekend was stressful and depressing, last Sunday was our 34th wedding anniversary, I kept reliving last year when we were so happy celebrating our anniversary in a cruise & unable to understand how 4 months after he was gone leaving me & my heart broken in pieces, it's almost 9 months since his death & I can't control my crying all the time, I feel an overwhelming sadness & it's not getting better, can hardly sleep the past few weeks & even going to work is not helping lately because their is lots of stressful situations there lately, trying to keep positive for the coming of my first grandchild in approximately one month, happy but sad at the same time, Pablo would have been thrilled to be able to hold a baby in his arms,he was so much looking forward to buying his or her first yankee outfit, it turns out it will be a boy & I did buy him the first yankee onesies in my husband's honor, how ironic that my daughter in law is exactly pregnant 8 and a half months which happens to be the same amount of time that my husband has been gone, my son says this baby was sent to them by his dad & I think he is right, that gives me a little comfort,

Just wanted to express the heartache that I felt this past weekend because it was really tough, wishing everyone here some peace, we certainly all need it & a good night.

Comment by Sarah Bryant on October 28, 2014 at 8:00pm

I just want to thank you all for your comments.  Where I live is very isolated with my closest neighbors being 3 miles away.  And it's too far out to participate in a lot of activities that take place during the evening.  So, I haven't been able to even consider a grief support group because the closest one would be about 25 miles away.  Having this group to be able to express my thoughts and feelings to people who truly understand because they have walked in my shoes is a Godsend.  Thank you.

 

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