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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1368
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2, 2018. 5 Replies

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Comment by Rolland Wood on February 17, 2015 at 2:32am
Marsha H. That was a great article that you shared, the section dealing with 'Complicated Grief' is something that most mourners don't consider because it's a hidden concept, it's the monster beneath the bed. Beautiful song too. Rolland.
Comment by Renae McKee on February 16, 2015 at 5:44pm

Marsha thank you so much for always having such the right thing to say!! I greatly appreciate you and this group YOUR THE TOPS!!!

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 2:25pm

Deb ...  I am so glad you liked the song because I found it gave me some peace of mind.  Although grief is such a shock for all of us I finally realized after 45 years of knowing my husband (almost married 40 years) that I was so blessed to have him come into my life and we taught each other so many valuable lessons.  That saying, 'It is better to have loved and lost than never being loved' (or something like that.  LOL) 

I hope your days are getting a little better and try to remember that each day we get up, get moving (even if for an hour) we are healing through grief which is not a disease, but a necessity to heal.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 2:15pm

I totally agree with Rolland where grief causes Post Traumatic Stress.  Some doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists are beginning to realize this much more.  In fact, I've taken in a print-out of grief and Post Traumatic Stress to my doctor and he accepted it openly.  I know that he must have other patients who suffer from grief and going through PTSD.  No longer is PTSD related to soldiers in war and one can suffer from it from many difficult times in their life.  It is normal for some who experience the loss of a loved one to have PTSD and thankfully in most cases this disappears in approximately a year or a little more.  Here is a good link explaining PTSD.  I went through it and researched it and it brought some peace of mind for me and that I wasn't going crazy. 

http://www.adhd.com.au/grief.htm

I hope this helps many of you and to just try and go with the flow as best you can; do deep breathing exercises, try to get out if even to walk a block, go to Yoga or Thai Chi or even swimming if you can manage it.  It does help.

You're stronger than you think and yes, we're great warriors for going through the unchartered land of grief.

Much love

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 2:01pm

Renae ...  We know how difficult it is to go through those special occasions and even after 3.4 years this Valentine's Day was difficult for me.  As crazy as it seems since my husband passed way I have bought him a Valentine's card each year and put it on top of his box of ashes.  It gives me peace thinking that he knows, for we don't know for sure what happens after death.

What a lovely thought of getting those angel necklaces for your daughters and they will treasure them.  It's wonderful you and your oldest daughter have made peace.  Us grievers must realize that others in the immediate family also grieve in their own way.  It's wise to one evening when things are quiet to sit down with family and let each one express their grief and that way the communication is out there and you can mend together.

One symptom of grief is for some is either sleeping too much, sleeping and waking up at odd hours or having insomnia.  I often feel it's the brain recalibrating itself to the shock of losing our loved one because the life we knew has done a complete 90 degree turn.  May I suggest walks such as park or by the beach and then trying to stay awake until bedtime.  I take my dogs for a walk almost every day and just enjoy nature as best I can.  I force myself to stay awake and then I sleep fairly well, but still go through periods of nightmares that shake me up even though I can't remember them.

I am also glad you printed out about grief and shared with family and friends and that's what I did when I was in raw grief because for those who aren't grieving it helps them better understand what we are going through. 

I am so proud of you for doing all this and although you are still in the fog of fresh grief each day you get up and do something is one day closer to healing and to be able to function in your new routine.  Grief just can't be rushed as much as we would like it to.  One baby step at a time and lean on us.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Deb on February 16, 2015 at 10:24am

Marsha, Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful song! It pretty much says it all for me, as well. My mate is always in my heart and is still guiding me with the wisdom that he taught me over the 33 years that we were together. I was blessed to have known him.

Love, peace and hugs

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 5:16am

To new members ...  I left this beautiful songs many months ago and I feel all of your pain as if I were going back in time and feeling that same pain myself.  This song pretty much says it for me at least and I do believe that our beloveds walk beside us and that we will see them again.  I am praying and hoping this song will give you the strength that death does not separate us by heart and soul and we gradually move forward gaining strength in memory of our beloved spouses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7IbQyG9PL4

 

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 3:52am

I am sorry, I promise to get back to some of you who have left open posts.  For some reason having difficulties typing posts and not getting new posts sent to my email.  You are never forgotten by me!

Love, Hugs and prayers

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 3:49am

Jan ...  It is so odd you wrote about Valentine's Day and getting flowers from your husband when he was still with you and now finding that one red rose.  I do believe it is your husband who left that rose.  The reason I found it odd you should bring it up is I watched a movie called 'Valentine' with Betty White in it.  For 66 years after her husband was declared missing in action during WWII she would go to the train station where she last kissed him goodbye when he went off to wore and in those 66 years never missed on Valentine's Day waiting for him to come home.  A young female journalist did her story and the movie went back in time.  They eventually found his body buried in the Philippines and he was brought back to the U.S. into the railway station with honors. It was heart-breaking.  She then came home after the ceremony and decided to water her rose bushes.  Her grandson had often wanted to pull out the dead rose bush that her husband had planted, but she insisted it stay and lo and behold there was one red rose bud that bloomed into a rose.  Love sent to her.  Because of her age it showed him behind her with his arms around her swaying to their favorite song and then she passed away.  I can tell you that I was bawling my head off.

I still really making my husband's favorite Valentine's dinner and for over 40 years made him a heart-shaped cake.  Yet after 3.5 years of his passing I have cries, but they are not so intense, so there is light at the end of the tunnel for those of you fresh in grief.  We will never forget them because we hare heroes gaining strength as we go, not letting anyone forget they were here and enriched our lives.  We keep their light burning.

Hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on February 16, 2015 at 3:39am

I apologize to all of you who just left a post to the group.  For some reason these posts are not coming through my email and I decided to check tonight to see why Legacy was so quiet and was shocked to see so many posts I missed.

Haven't forgotten any of you.

 

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