Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 10 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
Elizabeth C ... it's very common to have feelings that we could have done more for our spouse; wonder if we made the right decisions or did we make mistakes, but we did the best we could with the knowledge we had and the rest was up to either God or the doctors looking after our spouses. It is difficult to understand there comes a time when we have no control and have to trust in faith or doctors. The 'should haves' and 'could I have done more' is part of the grieving process for some, but it doesn't last long and eventually we realize we did everything humanly possible. You did nothing wrong and you are not being punished for mistakes because there were none. We need to put things into perspective and realize that's why there are professionals to help us because we can't possibly know everything.
Even though grief is heart-breaking it makes us reach out to others and miracles happen such as you meeting that lady with all her problems. It makes us reach out and realize others suffer as well whether it's through an illness or death of a loved one. Grief is necessary and although in fresh grief it's difficult to believe, but we do learn some good lessons from the grief we go through such as empathy, listening more intensely to what others say, help those that are hurting and humbling us. We are always gaining knowledge. Faith is a big one for some of us and we draw strength from our belief system.
Thank you for thinking of us and we certainly think of you. I find Legacy my extended family and a place to go where people really understand how I feel. I couldn't have made it this far without the support of members on Legacy.
Elizabeth C ...what I do to edit is left click on my mouse and drag from bottom to top to highlight then right click on the mouse and 'cut.' Then go to the 'x' on you post which will delete your post. Then left click where you want to leave your message again and right click on 'paste.' This way you can read your errors, correct them and then repost. Hope this helps. If you have problems let me know.
Hi Elizabeth ... I am so sorry about the recent loss of your husband. You are in raw grief where you are trying to cope the best you can. Even though you know your husband has passed away and without you realizing it denial is there and you may feel you are coping. In the first year of grief professionals say one should never make major decisions. Often the surviving spouse feels they should go on a trip and in some cases this may be fine for some, but not for others. If you feel you really want to go away with your 3 year old daughter then either have a family member go along or a friend and if this isn't possible then take a trip to see family if they live out of town, but it's highly advisable you don't go alone because you are in shock. You are surviving because of your daughter, but yet haven't gone through the proper process of dealing with grief. Most have dealt with grief before; loss of parents, perhaps a sibling, but there is no grief as deep as losing a spouse. This is a time when it's very important you and your little 3 year old are surrounded by family and friends and not traveling the country alone. The process of grief and all it's balled up emotions can side-swipe you so easily.
A 3 year old child has the capacity of 'missing' the parent who has passed away although they can't comprehend death as an adult does. Your daughter will miss her daddy and she may even comprehend you may be the next 'to go away.' It's very important than even though we know death can come at any age that you hug your daughter and let her know you will be there for her. She may end up 'acting out', perhaps tantrums, tummy aches, dreams so it's important she knows she can sleep with you for awhile.
Here is a link to help you cope with dealing with your little one and death:
May I suggest you sit with her cuddled up and tell her (don't know what religion you are) that God needed daddy and that the angels came to get him. That daddy is happy and safe and watching over both of you. At your daughter's age it isn't sugar coating death, but reaching into the mind of a 3 year old to alleviate any fears she has.
I hope hon, this has helped you and if you need us we are all here for you.
Big hugs to both of you
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