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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: on Tuesday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Barbara Sullivan on June 17, 2015 at 9:02am

RENAE -- YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS!

HUGS!

BARBARA

Comment by Renae McKee on June 17, 2015 at 7:50am

FIRST LET ME APOLOGIZE FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS.... I AM RAPIDLY LOSING MY VISION! THE DOCTORS ARE UNSURE WHY AT THIS TIME, BUT I HAVE WONDERFUL DOCTORS THAT ARE DOING EVERY THING IMAGINABLE TO FIND OUT THE CAUSE AND ARE TREATING WHAT THEY CAN AT THIS TIME. I AM ASKING FOR PRAYERS!!! I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE MY INDEPENDENCE. I ALREADY HAVE BEEN TOLD I CAN NOT DRIVE AND WITH BOTH MY DAUGHTERS IN NURSING SCHOOL, SCEDULING APPOINTMENTS IS HARD, BUT WE ARE MAKING IT WORJ. MY VISION COMES AND GOES SO I THOUGHT WHILE I CAN SOMEWHAR MAKE OUT THE SCREEN I WOULD ASK FOR PRAYER. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A DIFFICULT 8 MONTHS SINE I LOST MY HUSBAND. THANK YOU TO AL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPORT. 

Comment by Frank Andrews on June 15, 2015 at 8:01pm

Cheryl,

  You poem speaks for all of us. Thanks for the responses and I hope the angels on this forum can ease the grief of new members by telling their stories and how they coped with the really bad days we all face.

Comment by Pete Bronson on June 15, 2015 at 1:15pm
I am glad my post has helped you Steve. I wish I had been smart enough and moved to take action and get help long ago. The road to recovery become more difficult the longer we wait. There is no shame in seeking out help. May god bless you and guide you to recover while retaining the good memories of your partner we all try to hold on to.

My advice is rock solid, avoiding getting help is self destructive, doing so creates worse scenarios like destitution, homelessness, illness, more intense greif, and a much longer healing process. I fall into all of these scenarios now because I convinced myself I did not need help with my greif.

Regards,

Pete
Comment by Steve G. on June 15, 2015 at 12:57pm
Pete - thank you ! It has been 7 months for me since my partner passed on and I visit this site often. Not only do I gain strength and knowledge from sharing I know that I belong to a host of compassionate folks. I am humbled and dumbfounded how by sharing we help each other.
You sir have helped me today in ways I cannot begin to explain other than to say Thank you for sharing and God bless you!
Comment by Pete Bronson on June 15, 2015 at 12:16pm
I wish I could share something clever, insightful, humourous, or encouraging. We all deal with our loss in different ways and timetables, sometimes recklessly other times with great care. We all miss the companionship but are afraid to get to close to another person as to not be so hurt again.

Whatever your comfort zone happens to be as long as it works for you it is what you should do. Don't be like me though. I was unable to deal with my greif. I tortured myself with survivors guilt, immersed myself in work until I could not function, ignored my health until illness became the main factor in my life.

My message is basically seek out help and support early in the greiving process, it may take a little searching to find what is right for you but seek it out. It is important that you do this before you become so damaged it becomes hard to recover. I speak from experience unfortunately. I wish I had listened to others that told me the same thing almost 5 years ago. I had so much to lose and it is all gone now because I was too stubburn to get the help with greiving I desperately needed. Please do not falsely convince yourself you can get through this on your own.

I hope this helps out someone here. I wish I could go back in time and start the process over myself.
Comment by cheryl holbrook on June 15, 2015 at 11:40am

I have not posted in some time but I think of you all often. 

To the new ones I am deeply sorry for your grief. It turns our world upside down, and just the feeling of being lost and alone is devastating.

 The people on this forum have been so helpful and caring in ways that help so very much because of them going, or been through the same thing.

 My Mike has been gone now for a bit over 2 years and I still miss him as much as the day God called him home. Yes I still cry even though its not like it was. But there is not a day that goes by that I dont think of him multiple time thoughout it.

 I did alot of writting, still do during this so called grief process and that has been what has helped me. I do hope that you all find some type of outlet to be able to get it out. Bottled up pain with no way to share, makes the grieving process even more difficult. Never feel you cannot ask or share what your dealing with, we have all been there where you are.

 Here is one of my writting and how I feel even still today, Hugs to all of you ... Always Cheryl

 Remembering you ...

In the silence of time, your not there

I search I listen everywhere

I long to hear that laugh you had

And share them again, I wish we had

But time changes nothing

At this time for me

Its sorrow and saddness

Loneliness,  you see

Deep in my heart

Ill always cherish you

When no one else has a clue

Never will I forget

Times we shared

And in loving you

I hope you knew

How very much i truly cared

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on June 15, 2015 at 5:27am

Though I don't post very often, like Frank, I come, very often, to read the posts of others -- Jane P, you are so full of wisdom; Marsha, so empathetic and encouraging.  I don't have a talent for giving the right words, to the right people, at the right time (quite the contrary, most often), but I am so very grateful for all who have helped me, here on Legacy, over the past 26 months.  May God bless your loving, caring hearts with peace and comfort during your own moments of grief.

Barbara

Comment by Marsha H on June 15, 2015 at 4:34am

Trina ... It's wonderful to see you post again and to know how you are doing.  You know hon, I still do what you do, 'tricks of the mind.'  Even after 4 1/2 years of my beloved Ernie's passing I play tricks off and on (bad days) where he's at work or he's gone fishing with a friend, but as you say reality does hit us eventually.  These tricks with our minds is simply survival and is very normal.  I am so proud of you for handling things the way you are and remember hon, even though you don't think you're getting stronger you are and you're making Joseph proud of you.  He is nearer to you than you may think.

May you have peace and blessings to keep you safe, loved by family and know that all of us here are rooting for you as we root for each other.

Comment by Marsha H on June 15, 2015 at 4:30am

Dear Steve ... What a wonderful quote 'Joy is a luxury.'  Even though we had our spouses in our lives in the past there were good/bad days as well, but now that we're alone it's magnified 100 times.  Even after 4 1/2 years since my Ernie has been gone I still feel like I can be taking two steps forward and 4 steps back, but please ponder this ...  what is keeping us all going and where does this strength come from.  We are still here for a reason and I suppose the best way to put it is we still have work to do on this earth.  We can reach out to others to help with their pain, volunteer in any capacity one wants and do so many other things in memory of our loved one.  Oh yes, there are days I can hardly get out of bed, but I force myself and as the day goes on I hit the bumps, try to resolve them yet get out, walk my dogs and enjoy nature as if ending either a bad/good day on an up-beat note.  As we grieve and the months go by we learn new tricks to help us get through the heartbreak.  The sadness will become a dull roar even though it won't be gone completely.  Each of us should be so proud for the baby steps we have taken in this strange journey of grief.  Nothing lasts forever.

Prayers coming your way and wishing you peace and joy.

 

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