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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on June 18, 2015 at 4:13am

Dear Carol ...  It wonderful to see you post again and I've been wondering how you are doing.  I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time.

I know how you are feeling because it's been 4 1/2 years since my beloved Ernie passed and I can feel just like you.  Fortunately, my small immediate family has never given me any problems regarding how long I grieve, but then as Jane P says we put on two masks; a happy one when out with friends or perhaps family and the sad one in the privacy of our homes.  YES!  It's worth trying and just getting out of bed each morning means you are gaining strength.  Carol, you retired, moved, had to get rid of your dog and leave all the things behind you since Jack passed.  That's a lot of pressure and also makes one feel adrift for a little while, but it doesn't last forever.  It's called, 'reinventing yourself' and I'm struggling to do just that, but have to admit it is not an easy journey at my age.  I am bound and determined to keep trying.  I too have my moments where it feels Ernie just passed away not that long ago and I miss him just as much, but, I am trying my best to change my lifestyle and join different programs, volunteer and just finished off Tai Chi with my girlfriend a week ago until it starts up again in September.  Sometimes some of the things I join just don't work out, but some do and I just keep trying.  My dear friend, you need peace of mind, time to think and never mind what your family is saying to you as they can't possibly understand your feelings of deep loss.  When you are to it why don't you write down the reasons why you are living where you are, what YOU want out of life right now and the put a list down as to why you should stay.  I know Abby is your world, but she won't be little forever. 

Happy Birthday my friend and don't let age make you feel like you are useless.  I admit I get bouts of that myself, but refuse to cave in as we all have a lot to offer.  I have seen people 60 years and up being very active in the community.  I'm trying to get there myself and often get frustrated, but it's important to keep trying.

I still can feel alone in a roomful of people.  I was just talking to one of my girlfriends (more of a phone friend) and for the first time she said those dreaded words, 'well it's been over 4 1/2 years.'  I blew!  I told her there was no limitation to grieving and she didn't know what she was talking about.  She has her husband and grown children along with grandchildren.  That is the first person that has ever said that to me.  It hurt!  I will be damned to let anyone tell me when it's time to get over my beloved Ernie.  Right now I'm functional, but not complete and not as settled as I'd like to be.  Unfortunately, grieve takes it's own time and we're just along for the ride.

Keep you chin up hon.

Big hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on June 18, 2015 at 3:58am

DEAR RENAE ...  I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT LEAVING YOU THE LINK I PROMISED (WAS HAVING PROBLEMS POSTING ON HERE) SO HERE IT IS:  https://nfb.org/images/nfb/publications/books/books1/ifblnd10.htm

YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTERS MAY WANT TO GO OVER THE DIFFERENT DISEASES OF THE EYES AND SEE WHAT YOU SYMPTOMS RESEMBLE.  I HAVE TO AGREE WITH CAROL THAT IT'S POSSIBLE YOU HAVE A VIRAL ISSUE GOING ON.  I PRAY THIS PROBLEM IS TEMPORARY FOR YOU.

Comment by Carol Kayser on June 17, 2015 at 10:05pm

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've been here.  I know many of you have been struggling and I know many have shared their knowledge to help Pete and that is very admirable.  I just wish each of us the strength and courage to continue moving in a forward direction.

This is many times harder to do though isn't it? Jane P. says two steps forward, one step backward.  Absolutely.  At the moment that's how I'm feeling.  My mind tells me I am doing okay but my heart tells me otherwise.  I feel rather adrift lately, like no one understands me, inside my family that is.  I get so frustrated with some of their behaviors towards me and then we end up arguing, not fun at all.   I feel like I do try but sometimes I ask myself "is it worth it"?  You know that old saying of being alone in a crowded room.....

It is coming up quickly the 5th anniversary of the loss of my sweetheart Jack and I miss him more than ever lately.  I was visiting my sister and just started crying as she talked about a lady she know whose mom has cancer.  The sadness is just so close it comes out when least expecting it.

I am feeling, partly I am sure because I just had a big birthday, that I am becoming obsolete!  That I have nothing good to offer.  That my contributions are done now.  I realize I shouldn't feel that way but it sure is hard to keep talking and just be listening to the sound of one's voice!

I can only relate to my sweet Abby my granddaughter lately it seems.  She doesn't ask for anything but my love and that I can certainly handle. xoxoxoxo.

Thanks for letting me vent, it is the only place I safely can.

Hugs to all for some peace and contentment:)

Comment by Carol Kayser on June 17, 2015 at 9:50pm

Dear Cheryl.  Thank you for that lovely poem and supportive words expressing certainly how I feel at this point.  It's coming to five years for me and honestly it feels like yesterday.  Tears have been welling up recently.

Thank you for your poem and take care.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Carol Kayser on June 17, 2015 at 9:44pm

DEAR RENAE.  SENDING PRAYERS AND HUGS TO YOU DURING YOUR HOUR OF NEED.  THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS THIS COULD BE HAPPENING.  THE STORY I AM GOING TO TELL IS ONE THAT HAPPENED TO A FRIEND'S DOG, BUT SERIOUSLY IT COULD BE SOMETHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A HUMAN ALSO.

MY FRIEND'S DOG WAS PERFECTLY FINE AND THEN WENT FOR A WALK AND WAS PLAYING AS DOGS WILL.  THE NEXT DAY HE BECAME ILL AND WITHIN SHORT ORDER HE BECAME TEMPORARILY BLIND.  THROUGH MANY TESTS AND BLOODWORK IT SHOWED THAT HE HAD PICKED UP A BACTERIAL INFECTION AND THIS CAUSED A MASSIVE INFLAMMATION IN HIS BODY INCLUDING BEHIND HIS EYES.  THE PRESSURE ON THE OPTIC NERVE CAUSED THE TEMPORARY BLINDNESS.  HE IS WELL ON HIS WAY TO RECOVERY WITH ANTIBIOTICS AND LARGE DOSES OF STEROIDS TO TREAT THE INFLAMMATION AND HIS EYESIGHT IS FINE NOW.

I AM HOPEFUL FOR YOU THAT THIS IS A TEMPORARY SITUATION AND YOU WILL RECOUPERATE AND BE FINE.  IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE UNDER THE CARE OF VERY CAPABLE PHYSICIANS.

TAKE THE BEST OF CARE,

CAROL

Comment by Marsha H on June 17, 2015 at 3:50pm

Dear Cheryl ...  It's always a pleasure to see you drop in every so often and you are dearly missed.  Hope things are going well for you.  Your poem was absolutely beautiful and thanks for sharing it with us.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on June 17, 2015 at 3:48pm

DEAR RENAE ...  MY PRAYERS HAVE ALREADY BEEN SENT YOUR WAY AND WITH OUR PRAYER CIRCLE I KNOW THINGS WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU.  I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS.  IT SEEMS FOR SOME OF US THAT WHEN OUR SPOUSES PASS AWAY WE ARE NOW COPING WITH OUR OWN HEALTH ISSUES.  I HAVE INCLUDED A LINK OF ALL EYE DISEASES IN HOPES THAT YOUR DAUGHTERS MAY BE ABLE TO SEE SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS YOU HAVE AND YOU CAN NAIL DOWN WHAT IS CAUSING THE LOSS OF YOUR SIGHT.  FORTUNATELY, MANY OF THE EYE DISEASES CAN BE REVERSED SO PRAYING HARD YOU ARE IN THAT CATEGORY. 

Comment by cheryl holbrook on June 17, 2015 at 12:11pm

RENAE,  ITS HARD ENOUGH LOOSING THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES, AND HAVING HEALTH PROBLEMS ON TOP OF THE MENTAL CHALLENGES WE DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS. LIFTING YOU UP IN PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS. ((HUGS))

Comment by Steve G. on June 17, 2015 at 12:04pm
RENAE - YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!
Comment by Frank Andrews on June 17, 2015 at 11:29am

RENAE,  PRAYERS BEING SAID AND HOPE THAT DOCTORS FIND THE CAUSE AND CURE.  HUGS.

 

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