Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 12 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
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Dear Nat ...
It is so nice to see you post again and as usual a beautiful poem. You are so talented and thank you for sharing.
Have a Merry Christmas Nat no matter how sad inside you feel and try to smile for your loved one.
Dear Chuck ...
What you are going through is very normal and fresh grief causing the tears to flow so much so we often don't want to accept invitations for fear we will cry and can't stop. It's OK to cry as it releases the tension built up and also in time mends a broken heart.
Everyone is different as to how they handle their grief. My Ernie passed on April 27th, 2011 and 3 weeks after my nephews thought they would cheer me up by renting a limo and taking me to a comedy club. I can't remember any of it frankly and felt like I'd been in dream-like state not knowing what was going on and didn't. This is only the minds way of dealing with the heavy grief as our dreams also release our tension.
Your family or friends are just trying to make things easier for you and they have no idea what up and down emotions you are going through and, in time you will have the opportunity to express how you feel without falling apart. Please don't blame yourself for not being able to attend to that invitation as it's normal.
I would like to remind you (you got side-tracked because of the shock of being invited out) that your way of celebrating Christmas was a quiet one with just you and Larry and I do believe he is there with you. Stick to your plan and don't fear you will offend others. In the New Year I will leave you a link that explains to family and friends what you are going through regarding the loss of your dear Larry. I printed mine out or emailed it and it helped both family and friends to get enough of a glimpse into the way I was handling my emotions shortly after Ernie's passing and was fortunate they all tried. They don't have to understand completely
Of course you are in a whirl this Christmas because Larry gone, but again I remind you, he is near by in spirit so toast him, put out those fancy cookies, cry a little, then manage a smile. Remember each day we survive is a day closer to the one we love.
I wish you a Merry Christmas my friend and to Larry and you are in my heart and prayers.
Chuck ... once again you write the words of magic bringing memories back to many of us ... music.
Like Janet was saying about her spouse loving all sorts of music and playing it too loud that's exactly what Ernie did and the pictures on the wall would go off kilter and my wine glasses would be clinking to and fro. We'd argue about it, I'd put it down and the next thing I knew he cranked it up again. He was a Beatles fan and I did like 'Jude', but one song he played they finished it off with 'number 9, number 9, etc.' which drove me batty and he'd just laugh. We loved a lot of the 60's and 70's songs as well. The Righteous Brothers, Mama's and the Papa's, etc. I loved Janice Joplin (he couldn't stand her) so I'd bug him by singing 'all I want is a Mercedes Benz and he'd smirk and say, 'wishful thinking.' Tina Turner was also one of my favorites and she always amazed me with her energetic performances. I loved music from my early teens and pretty much stick to contemporary music and a little jazz (depending what it is.) Also soul music and of course one of my favorites Annie Lennox. Too many favorites to name.
Your Larry isn't a dream, he's right there and like the tease he was to you (laughed at Larry's 'snowball in hell') he got what he wanted from you by playing Mariah and you just didn't know it.
Thank you once again for sharing your wonderful memories Chuck and making me think of the music Ernie loved. They say music is the language of the universe. Enjoy!
Chuck, your story about music brought back some good/bad memories! My husband loved music too, all kinds from classical to jazz to the most modern. He studied base in New York City so for a while on Friday he would take that base into New Jersey hop a tube and into the city! The funny part is he was not a tall person so the base was almost as tall as he was.
He would work 12 hour days and had Fridays off and on some occasions he use to blast his music to an ear piercing explosion. Not a nice scene in our house when that happened! Now I long for that loud music just one more time!
When we first met I impressed him with my knowledge of big band music. He later found out my dad loved the big band music and I was introduced to it at an early age. Actually I had no choice!
Like you Chuck, I find myself playing some of that music just waiting for him to crank it up a notch. The conversation is one sided now and the music plays at a normal tone but every once in a while I will turn it up and say this is just for you!
Dear Cheryl ... it's wonderful to hear from you and you are doing fairly well. I know the grieving is not easy to deal with. It can be cunning and when we think we have it altogether it can read it's head every so often, but grieving is part of healing so I think we get stronger as time goes by.
I am so sorry your father passed so soon after Mike and that's a double whammy for you, but I'm proud of you for hitting things head on and you are doing a wonderful job.
You are thought of as well and often we wonder how certain members are doing when they don't post that much and when a member such as yourself comes on it's a real treat to find out how everything is going.
Everyone on here is in my prayers always too. You gave some very wise advice to the new members.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and wish for all that 2016 will be a much more peaceful time for all of us.
I have not posted in some time but think of this "second" family as a real blessing.
This is my 2nd Christmas without my Mike and I just lost my daddy the end of Aug. It has been a hard 2 and a half yrs but I think Im finally in a place where I know things will work out for the best.
I think of everyone here so very often and wonder how all are getting along. Yes, I do say a prayer here and there for everyone.
I want to let all the new ppl that have ventured here to this site, that my heart breaks with you as you learn to live a new life. One day at a time is the best thing I can advise. Come here where you can vent if that is all you need to do to get you through.
Merry Christmas ....... always, Cheryl
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