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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1328
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane on Sunday. 15 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on October 14, 2016 at 3:02pm

Todd ...  We're all here for you and Sheri and all the rest.  Odd how we count the days and remember them without hesitation and even the time.  I still do after 5 1/2 years.  I am doing much better now, but do have my days.  Claudia is always close to you and I truly believe that because we are intricate creations and thus, death is not the end.  I am praying for you to have strength and try to member the good times.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 14, 2016 at 2:59pm

Sheri ...  so sorry to miss your 7 week anniversary and I know it made it harder having the official ribbon cutting on the grand opening of your business.  Some good blessings are coming your way with others helping you establish your business.  I am sure Bill is right there beside you smiling away.  In the 5 1/2 years since Ernie passed away I have been beside myself wondering how I'll cope with certain situations and it's as if Ernie is right there; the phone rings or a knock on the door and there is help for me most of the time.

Even through the darkest hours of grief it's good to keep busy and it appears you are doing just that.  So proud of you Sheri.

Hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 14, 2016 at 11:24am

Thanks Chuck.  You're a better person than I if you can bite you tongue and not say anything.  I find it harder to do and honestly have stopped trying.  My anger at the "stupid" things people say to me has grown to the point that I feel it's better to educate them so they won't say such things to the next widow they encounter.    I'll say something to the effect of they'll only understand this level of grief when they lose their spouse or until they have personal experience with losing a spouse, they have no valid advice to offer so I'm not open to hearing any.  It may be cruel, but I'm Italian and am my Father's daughter. 

I hope you have a nice, peaceful weekend

Love, Sara

Comment by Sheri Dettman on October 14, 2016 at 10:31am

Yesterday was 7 weeks for me and it was difficult not only obviously for that reason but because we had the official ribbon cutting and grand opening of my business even though we've been in this location for over two years. When Bill was alive we were always too busy to do it. I have a new team member that suggested we join the chamber and do it and I let him organize it. I'm glad that we did as everyone was so supportive and helpful. But it was bittersweet not having Bill by my side since we built the business together. One of the things that Bill was most proud about was helping others on their path to success and he would have been so glad to see our team doing so well and continuing what he started. Doesn't help my pain any but I've got to think that he's by our side, watching over us. My team has a saying of "What would Bill do", if ever there is a question and the answer is always the right thing.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 13, 2016 at 10:24pm

Dear Sara And Todd,

My heart goes out to you both as you grapple with your sad anniversaries - I am sending all the strength and prayers I can to you both, and to all here in our family. I seem to be wrestling with lots of emotions and questions today - maybe it's the full moon, or the leaves falling and the darkness coming earlier. Indeed, people "outside" our experience will never understand, no matter how sympathetic and loving they may be. I for the most part keep feelings of resentment (or worse) at bay, but sometimes it's still all I can do to avoid snapping and saying something cruel just to point out their inability to show some effort of even trying to be here for me, like it's just something I was expected to "get over" by now. I say inside "Just wait... you'll have your turn on this dark merry-go-round one day, and then you'll know ...", and immediately feel ashamed for being so uncharitable toward them in my heart.

I will be keeping you both close in my heart for these difficult days, and am so proud of you both, and every one of us to numerous to name, who somehow manage to get through the days one at a time and with each others support. Time may lessen some of the severity and frequency of our darkest times as we grieve, but I suspect this is just who we are now - brothers and sisters of a family that have a deep and special bond forged from our shared pain , and our shared willingness to reach out to each other with compassion and understanding. I honestly don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found this site, but I do know that I would never be doing and feeling the positive things I do now without it. God bless everyone, and I wish us all peace for the coming weekend -

Love,

Chuck   

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 13, 2016 at 9:27pm

Thanks Deb.  I know Ken's still by my side.  He lets me know it too.  I just want him here physically though so I can see him and touch him.  I still have some voice mails from him so I listen to them every so often.  Funny, I asked Ken just yesterday why he had to leave.  I don't blame him, the infection was taking over his body and he was suffering so much from it.  If he was given a choice to come back (the docs worked on him for over an hour before calling it), I don't blame him for choosing not to.  I can imagine the pain in his soul for making that decision because he never wanted to leave me but how could he come back to that body.

I'm glad you had a nice visit with your daughter and granddaughter.  I hope you enjoy your weekend also.

Love, Sara

Comment by Deb S on October 13, 2016 at 7:19pm

Sarah, I hear what you are saying. You remain in my thoughts, especially today. I think of you often and believe that we are on the same path. I returned from a visit with my daughter and granddaughter today. Along the drive home, I had my typical conversations with my husband. I summoned up the courage to ask him "(w)hy did you have to leave me?" His response . . . "I did not leave you. I am still here by your side."

He is still by my side and so is your sweet husband. Take care of you today.  Debbie

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on October 13, 2016 at 6:00pm

Hi Sara,

You are so welcome! And thank you and everyone else on here!

Love ya all,

Todd

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 13, 2016 at 5:07pm

Hi Todd.... I do remember that we joined at the same time and Harold is only 2 weeks behind us.  It makes me feel better to know you feel the same way.  It's something I can't explain to my friends.  They don't have that feeling deep inside them so they don't get it.  I'm glad you do and I know our other family here does as well.  I thank you for your encouragement and am sending it right back to you.

Love, Sara

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on October 13, 2016 at 3:28pm

Hi dear Sara,

All our love to you today and especially tonight! We joined here at the same time, and my Claudia died on the 15th which will be nine months as well this Saturday. I feel the same as you, and you expressed it so well. I have been an emotional wreck today and I am sure you must be as well. 

With this new family that we have here, we shall persist. I can only hope, wish, pray and encourage you dear friend!

Mega-hugs to you today!

Love,

Todd

 

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