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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Started by denise. Last reply by Sara Murphy Oct 10. 3 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Sheri Dettman on January 30, 2017 at 9:31am

Tiffany, it wasn't enough time. We all feel the same way. I tell myself every day, in an effort to not fall into such despair, that I'm so lucky to have had Bill for the time that I did. I try and be thankful and grateful for that. It doesn't make me feel any better about him not being here now but I know that some people never have anyone so I try and concentrate on how lucky I was to have even been with him for the time I had. I liken it to a horrible Ground Hog Day movie, where every day it's the same hell over and over. It's going to take time, that I'm sure of. I'm still in the "fog" that they talk about. It's getting a bit better where I'm able to concentrate a bit more but you have to just ride it out, get help, read, cry and talk about him and to him every day and night. It's certainly not fair and we all drive ourselves crazy with the questions that we'll never have answers to. At least you know that you are not crazy.

Comment by Tiffany Phillips on January 30, 2017 at 8:23am

Yesterday was our 3year anniversary and since his passing was only 2 weeks ago, it just felt harder than I thought it would.  I went to grief counseling that morning then spent some time that afternoon at the grave site.  It sucks that we didn't even make it 3years.  That doesn't seem like enough time.

Comment by Deb S on January 30, 2017 at 8:06am

Sheri, Thank you for your sweet invitation. Palm Springs is a gorgeous place. I haven't made any future travel plans. I have taken some semi spontaneous quick trips and have given thought to where I might want to travel in the not too distant future. If I decide to visit CA I will certainly stop by and say hello.

Please know that the invitation is also open for those who might visit the Washington DC area. I would love to meet everyone in person. This would be wonderful.  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on January 30, 2017 at 8:03am

Chuck, It is always great to hear from you. I like the idea of printing something up on a card and handing it to those who continue to ask inappropriate questions. You are amazing with words. I imagine you could quickly construct a few sentences that says it all :).

Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on January 30, 2017 at 5:45am

Tiffany ...  I am so sorry you are having to deal with your spouse's mother and Sara and Corey gave you some great ideas.

It's been almost 6 year since Ernie passed away and if anything I've gained wisdom.  Two horrific griefs are losing a spouse or losing a child.  Box up what you want to keep because his mother doesn't know what you have or don't have of his.  One thing I learned is we are not the only ones grieving from the loss of a spouse.  I don't know if you can do this, but after you box up what you want perhaps you could phone his mother and meet for lunch in a quiet place.  You would be surprised how this can heal and both of you are grieving and could lean on the other.  I don't think she's being nasty, but parents always expect to pass away before their children. 

Just take it one day at a time hon as your grief is still raw. 

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 30, 2017 at 5:39am

Sheri ...  Sorry for taking so long answering your post, but been busy with volunteering and worn out at the end of each day.  Thanks for the information on that series.

I'd love to come to Palm Springs and a friend of mine is going, but I can't go with her.  I would love to meet up with you and hopefully can do so, but don't worry would stay in a hotel.  I wish all of us on here could meet halfway. 

Thanks for the invitation to all of us.  You are an angel.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on January 29, 2017 at 10:02am

Hello Debbie,

I have had some trouble posting also, and found I had to sign-in in order to do so. Perhaps if some time passes before you log on to the site it stops recognizing us as members?

I think the plans you are implementing for those things of Bob's you choose to donate sound excellent, and ones that Bob would completely endorse. Your last sentences spoke volumes of our truth as we all go through this alteration of our lives, and of ourselves - finding our own way to manage our emotions is indeed our priority, and the rest can wait. I wish I could print that on a card and hand it to every person who asks when I plan to move, sell the house, etc.

Have a peaceful day dear friend, and know you as always are in my thoughts.

Love,

Chuck

Comment by Deb S on January 29, 2017 at 7:51am

Good morning friends, I haven't posted in a bit. I tried to post a note to Harold a couple of weeks ago but the site wouldn't let me post it. The note was a reminder that he remains in my thoughts as he is dealing with this heartbreaking anniversary.

Last week marked the 18th month since Bob passed away. As is typical for me, I needed a lot of sleep and quiet time to continue to process this reality. I exited those couple of days of reflection with a strengthened resolve. As others have recently posted, I too have not parted with any of Bob's things. I came to the conclusion that he would not want his beautiful wardrobe to remain unused when it could certainly bless many other people. Coincidentally, I met a new friend on FB who volunteers to help transition families and individuals from living in a shelter to a home of their own. I originally contacted her to offer furniture and household items that were used in a couple of turn key rentals we owned. I asked if she had any ideas about donating his wardrobe. I mentioned that I was tossing around an idea to donate these items to one of our local charities (her small grass roots organization and another local organization that built and runs a wounded warrior retreat). My thought is that one of these organizations could host a sale and perhaps split the proceeds among the two charities.  We continue to brainstorm and I am hopeful that we can bring this concept to fruition soon. This solution works for me because in my heart I feel that this would make Bob happy. He was the most generous person I've ever met and it is suddenly clear to me that this is the path I should follow.

To my friends who are struggling with this issue, please remember that you are likely in no rush to make any decisions about your loved ones personal items. We are each dealing with so many emotions and our grief is omnipresent. Please resolve to do whatever you need to do to help you manage your emotions. The rest can wait. Debbie

Comment by Deb S on January 29, 2017 at 7:29am

Harold, You remain in my thoughts and prayers, especially today. Please take especially good care of you today my friend. Hugs and love, Debbie

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 29, 2017 at 7:07am

Harold.....thinking of you today.  I hope you share this day with Diane in whatever way makes it tolerable.  Remember the deep love you share and know that even though you can't see her, she's right there with you.

Hugs to you.

Sara 

 

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