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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on March 11, 2017 at 3:53pm

Harold ...  Thanks so much for your vote of confidence and if I should get a date through a dating site I may well just run the other way.  LOL  I'm not sure if I'm ready or not, but believe in putting both feet in the water and not my toe.  I've always been like that.  If it works great and if not then I guess I just have to accept I'm on my own and hope for a miracle.

I know in my heart I'll always love Ernie and nothing will stop that, but I know he would want me to be happy too.  I would wish the same for him if it was myself that had passed away.  It's been almost 6 years for me and I just want someone to share parts of my life with and if I get lucky will just take it slow and easy and there is always an exit if I feel uncomfortable about my feelings towards that person.  Everyone gets lonely and some people enjoy being alone after the spouse passes while others just have to wait until the time feels right. 

You are so lucky your sister is taking your spoiled fur-babies while you go to California.  I have a huge problem with my two fur-babies and not one of my family would look after them while I go on a short vacation and I refuse to put them in a kennel because it would break their hearts.  The 3 days  I managed to get away for with my girlfriend my neighbors came over and would feed, sit with the dogs and let them out to do their business, but at night they were alone and it was obvious when I got back it was so hard on them.  I'll never do that again.  They have been so loyal to me since Ernie passed and I feel I owe them better than that.  Call me, 'the dog lady.'  LOL

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:17am

Marsha

YOU GO GIRL. Keep us informed we can live out our dating stuff through you. If nothing else should be entertaining. maybe you can write a book about it along with Chuck. Doesn't hurt to try something new, don't know how it will work out if you don't try. Hope you have a good experience with it.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:17am

Marsha

YOU GO GIRL. Keep us informed we can live out our dating stuff through you. If nothing else should be entertaining. maybe you can write a book about it along with Chuck. Doesn't hurt to try something new, don't know how it will work out if you don't try. Hope you have a good experience with it.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:12am

Hi Deb

I have often thought of meeting someone, not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I kind of feel like you I need to spend some time on just me. Diane had health problems not much for me, so I spent most of my time thinking of her. Not used to thinking of what's right for me. Not sure what I want to do with my life, decided I would try some new things see how they feel and go from there. Joining  a gym has been great meant a few nice people, flying to California to visit my son soon.My spoiled dogs are going to be with my sister, that should be interesting.  Looking forward to spring, getting out more and doing more. 

 

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:12am

Hi Deb

I have often thought of meeting someone, not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I kind of feel like you I need to spend some time on just me. Diane had health problems not much for me, so I spent most of my time thinking of her. Not used to thinking of what's right for me. Not sure what I want to do with my life, decided I would try some new things see how they feel and go from there. Joining  a gym has been great meant a few nice people, flying to California to visit my son soon.My spoiled dogs are going to be with my sister, that should be interesting.  Looking forward to spring, getting out more and doing more. 

 

Comment by Deb S on March 10, 2017 at 3:40pm

Marsha, Thanks so much for your reply. I find myself laughing now. I can be a bit sneaky although it is well intentioned and not meant to be secretive. I just tend to be a pretty private person.

I did not particularly engage with my profile. I didn't post any photos and posted minimal "all about me" information. One gentlemen reached out and we chatted on line. He asked me to meet him for dinner the next night. I went back and forth all day as to whether or not to cancel until it was too late to cancel politely. I arrived and ran into one of my favorite waitresses ever. She previously worked at a spot that Bob and I frequented weekly. I returned there several months after Bob passed away. I could see her looking behind me for Bob. I explained that he had passed away and she lost it, excused herself, and asked for a replacement until she could recompose. She offered hugs and incredible support. She also encouraged me that evening and it was a Godsend that she was there. I ended up meeting him one more time as I acquiesced to talk with him about some legal issues. That felt strictly like a business meeting.

I feel like I need to spend time concentrating on me now. This is a new world and one that I have minimal clue how to navigate. I continue to remind myself to be as kind to me as I am to everyone else and to give myself a break.

Thanks for keeping us updated. Again, I wish you only the BEST. Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on March 10, 2017 at 3:12pm

Deb S ...  You also made me smile with your post.  My girlfriend and I went out for dinner about a month ago and right beside us in the next booth was a man and woman and when you looked at them it screamed 'first meeting and date!'  The man wasn't bad looking at all and he was so nervous I felt sorry for him.  The woman was quiet.  I would have loved to have found out how It all worked out.  I know I'm probably in for a very bumpy ride with online dating.  It's foreign to me.  I don't like hurting people's feelings either if it shouldn't work out.  I'm not looking for marriage at this time anyway, but just a nice relationship for two lonely people.

 I know your neighbor meant well, but I do understand what you're saying and I feel the same way.  I so wished we lived closer and could go on a weeks holiday together.  I have no one to go with and the lure of going by myself isn't great.  I can't afford to go away a lot, but I'll take anything at this point even going up country, but again, going alone without my significant other isn't the same and I doubt I would enjoy myself. 

Oh, you sneaky girl going on a few dating sites and you sure have courage.  I get them coming into my 'in box' and I browse, but haven't done much about it thus far.  I don't have a profile yet and my niece is helping me out on that one.  I think if I got lucky for a date I'd probably collapse before I got there.  LOL  You made me laugh as to the way your explained your first meeting with a man.  I know it seems so impersonal the way people date today.  Then we wonder what that person thinks of us.  If they don't call me after a first date then I'll know to put a paper bag over my head the next time.  LOL 

I'm not really that much further along than you.  I'm just so lonely and try so hard to get out in public and be part of life, but it's not easy on us widows.  I always try hard and we'll see.  I just hope I have some luck for a change. 

Wishing you luck and better days ahead my friend.  Will let you know how it goes when I have my first date and for some reason I'm already laughing because I just have a feeling it will pan out like the one you had, but we keep trying.

Marsha

Comment by Deb S on March 10, 2017 at 2:51pm

Marsha, Thank you for making me smile as I read your sweet post. You ARE an amazing woman. I do hope you find a companion to hang out with or spend your life with depending upon your preference. The loss of our other half is an incredibly lonely experience. I battle loneliness often. I spent time with my neighbor today. She casually mentioned that I should travel more. I didn't have the energy to explain that travel begins to loose its allure when you do not have the love of your life by your side. I am also not dismissing her loving suggestion. This is a new life after all. I enjoy traveling and venturing out again is a great idea.

I've checked into dating sites to satisfy my curiosity. I chatted with a few people and took a leap of faith and met someone for dinner. I came away feeling that it was similar to meeting someone on a plane. We chatted, time passed, the evening finished, and we moved on. I am lonely but still not ready for someone else.

You are further along on this journey of grief and I love that you are taking this forward step. You Go girl!  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on March 9, 2017 at 7:04pm

Deb S ...  It is you that seems to always pop up when I post and I'm so grateful for that.  You always make me feel better and I know you truly wish me good luck.  Thank you for thinking I'm an amazing woman and here is hoping some nice gentleman will see some good traits in me.  Sometimes people go for looks and not what is inside the person.  I know dating online isn't going to be easy and I sure will keep all of you up-dated and I ALWAYS feel comfortable.  LOL  We're family and I have no problem sharing the good with the bad.

I truly hope this day is a good one for you Deb and that things are going a big easier for you.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Deb S on March 9, 2017 at 2:04pm

Marsha, I wish you tons of luck! You are an amazing woman. You have helped me so much through this difficult and continuing journey. Please update when you are comfortable. You have my support and good wishes.  Debbie

 

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