Information

Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1316
Latest Conversations: 5 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Diamond 5 hours ago. 5 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by Marsha H on March 11, 2017 at 6:28pm

Deb S ...

There is nothing wrong with being private at all.  I was teasing you.  LOL 

You certainly had an angel watching over you when that waitress you knew was there for support and encouragement.  You have had quite the life my friend and so proud of you.  If you could do all that in the past I know you will hang in there and reinvent yourself throughout your grief period.  It's hard you bet, but we're all doing it in one way of the other.

It sure is a new world for me too.  I am amazed at how the world of society has changed so rapidly and I guess we never saw that when we had our spouses by our side.  I preferred the good old way of dating, but one cant have everything.  I've had so much time with 'me' I don't want to know anymore!  LOL  However, I do agree if you feel you need to spend more time on yourself you certainly know best.  We each march to a different drummer.

Thank you for giving me some luck because I feel I'm going to need it.  This should be a fun journey for all of us as I'll have stories to tell you about my dating experiences if I'm lucky to get any.

I wish you all the luck as well in whatever you endeavor and I'm sure your wishes will come true.  Sometimes miracles just come for all of us and I hope they come soon.

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on March 11, 2017 at 5:31pm

Deb S ...  Just couldn't resist this one ...  I have about 30 years too (God willing), but by then I won't know my name or recognize my friends.  Just plaster a note on my jacket!  LOL

Unfortunately, couldn't have children so I'm really on my own.  I've had a very interesting life working up North on a dam. also a pipeline company in Vancouver and I loved to get up for work in the morning to go to work.  Can't beat that.  Now retired it's difficult to find something I'm interested in.  I do have my volunteering which helps, but as you know doesn't help coming home to an empty house.  One baby step at a time.

Comment by Deb S on March 11, 2017 at 4:38pm

Harold, It isn't an easy call. On the one hand, I have a life expectancy of more than 30 years if I consider the longevity of my parents, their siblings, and my cousins. That is a long time. On the other hand, I've lived a busy life. I went to college at 16, graduated at 19, married at 20, attended law school, had 3 children, practiced law, divorced at 34, remarried at 34 and was widowed at 58. I've been married the vast majority of my adult life :).

I don't want to be lonely but I also am not ready for a significant other. Spending time on me, doing what I want to do, pursuing some hobbies, stopping to smell the roses, spending time with my children and grandchild . . . these are the things that interest me now. I never say never but will take my time.

I am excited that you are taking care of yourself and pursuing new interests. That is huge. It is awesome that you will visit your son soon.

Thanks for your comments. It helps to hear what my friends here are going through.  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on March 11, 2017 at 3:53pm

Harold ...  Thanks so much for your vote of confidence and if I should get a date through a dating site I may well just run the other way.  LOL  I'm not sure if I'm ready or not, but believe in putting both feet in the water and not my toe.  I've always been like that.  If it works great and if not then I guess I just have to accept I'm on my own and hope for a miracle.

I know in my heart I'll always love Ernie and nothing will stop that, but I know he would want me to be happy too.  I would wish the same for him if it was myself that had passed away.  It's been almost 6 years for me and I just want someone to share parts of my life with and if I get lucky will just take it slow and easy and there is always an exit if I feel uncomfortable about my feelings towards that person.  Everyone gets lonely and some people enjoy being alone after the spouse passes while others just have to wait until the time feels right. 

You are so lucky your sister is taking your spoiled fur-babies while you go to California.  I have a huge problem with my two fur-babies and not one of my family would look after them while I go on a short vacation and I refuse to put them in a kennel because it would break their hearts.  The 3 days  I managed to get away for with my girlfriend my neighbors came over and would feed, sit with the dogs and let them out to do their business, but at night they were alone and it was obvious when I got back it was so hard on them.  I'll never do that again.  They have been so loyal to me since Ernie passed and I feel I owe them better than that.  Call me, 'the dog lady.'  LOL

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:17am

Marsha

YOU GO GIRL. Keep us informed we can live out our dating stuff through you. If nothing else should be entertaining. maybe you can write a book about it along with Chuck. Doesn't hurt to try something new, don't know how it will work out if you don't try. Hope you have a good experience with it.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:17am

Marsha

YOU GO GIRL. Keep us informed we can live out our dating stuff through you. If nothing else should be entertaining. maybe you can write a book about it along with Chuck. Doesn't hurt to try something new, don't know how it will work out if you don't try. Hope you have a good experience with it.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:12am

Hi Deb

I have often thought of meeting someone, not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I kind of feel like you I need to spend some time on just me. Diane had health problems not much for me, so I spent most of my time thinking of her. Not used to thinking of what's right for me. Not sure what I want to do with my life, decided I would try some new things see how they feel and go from there. Joining  a gym has been great meant a few nice people, flying to California to visit my son soon.My spoiled dogs are going to be with my sister, that should be interesting.  Looking forward to spring, getting out more and doing more. 

 

Comment by Harold McKinstry on March 11, 2017 at 9:12am

Hi Deb

I have often thought of meeting someone, not sure if I'm ready for that yet. I kind of feel like you I need to spend some time on just me. Diane had health problems not much for me, so I spent most of my time thinking of her. Not used to thinking of what's right for me. Not sure what I want to do with my life, decided I would try some new things see how they feel and go from there. Joining  a gym has been great meant a few nice people, flying to California to visit my son soon.My spoiled dogs are going to be with my sister, that should be interesting.  Looking forward to spring, getting out more and doing more. 

 

Comment by Deb S on March 10, 2017 at 3:40pm

Marsha, Thanks so much for your reply. I find myself laughing now. I can be a bit sneaky although it is well intentioned and not meant to be secretive. I just tend to be a pretty private person.

I did not particularly engage with my profile. I didn't post any photos and posted minimal "all about me" information. One gentlemen reached out and we chatted on line. He asked me to meet him for dinner the next night. I went back and forth all day as to whether or not to cancel until it was too late to cancel politely. I arrived and ran into one of my favorite waitresses ever. She previously worked at a spot that Bob and I frequented weekly. I returned there several months after Bob passed away. I could see her looking behind me for Bob. I explained that he had passed away and she lost it, excused herself, and asked for a replacement until she could recompose. She offered hugs and incredible support. She also encouraged me that evening and it was a Godsend that she was there. I ended up meeting him one more time as I acquiesced to talk with him about some legal issues. That felt strictly like a business meeting.

I feel like I need to spend time concentrating on me now. This is a new world and one that I have minimal clue how to navigate. I continue to remind myself to be as kind to me as I am to everyone else and to give myself a break.

Thanks for keeping us updated. Again, I wish you only the BEST. Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on March 10, 2017 at 3:12pm

Deb S ...  You also made me smile with your post.  My girlfriend and I went out for dinner about a month ago and right beside us in the next booth was a man and woman and when you looked at them it screamed 'first meeting and date!'  The man wasn't bad looking at all and he was so nervous I felt sorry for him.  The woman was quiet.  I would have loved to have found out how It all worked out.  I know I'm probably in for a very bumpy ride with online dating.  It's foreign to me.  I don't like hurting people's feelings either if it shouldn't work out.  I'm not looking for marriage at this time anyway, but just a nice relationship for two lonely people.

 I know your neighbor meant well, but I do understand what you're saying and I feel the same way.  I so wished we lived closer and could go on a weeks holiday together.  I have no one to go with and the lure of going by myself isn't great.  I can't afford to go away a lot, but I'll take anything at this point even going up country, but again, going alone without my significant other isn't the same and I doubt I would enjoy myself. 

Oh, you sneaky girl going on a few dating sites and you sure have courage.  I get them coming into my 'in box' and I browse, but haven't done much about it thus far.  I don't have a profile yet and my niece is helping me out on that one.  I think if I got lucky for a date I'd probably collapse before I got there.  LOL  You made me laugh as to the way your explained your first meeting with a man.  I know it seems so impersonal the way people date today.  Then we wonder what that person thinks of us.  If they don't call me after a first date then I'll know to put a paper bag over my head the next time.  LOL 

I'm not really that much further along than you.  I'm just so lonely and try so hard to get out in public and be part of life, but it's not easy on us widows.  I always try hard and we'll see.  I just hope I have some luck for a change. 

Wishing you luck and better days ahead my friend.  Will let you know how it goes when I have my first date and for some reason I'm already laughing because I just have a feeling it will pan out like the one you had, but we keep trying.

Marsha

 

Members (1316)

 
 
 

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Badge

Loading…

Follow Legacy

Follow Legacy.com on PinterestFollow @LegacyConnect on TwitterCircle us on Google+

© 2017   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service