Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 17 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Mary. Jane 17 hours ago. 25 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on April 4, 2017 at 7:40pm

Dearest Chuck ...  Just got back from the vets and the look on his face wasn't good.  I have to bring her in at 9 AM tomorrow morning for him to do an aspiration (needle biopsy.)  Of course she will be put under a mild anesthetic.  I felt sick, my legs almost gave out on me and I cried all the way home and I'm still crying.  Some people may not realize this, but when my two fur-babies have to leave me that will be the last connection I had with Ernie because we both loved dogs.  I know you and Steve know what I mean because of Bella. 

I am hoping that my Financial Advisor can come up with some good numbers so I can keep my home.  I would have to go into a condo (which I refer to as chicken coops) because I love to garden and walk around my property.  Also townhouses aren't much better and my other little dog Booker is very vocal so I have no doubt if I was forced to live in either that the Strata Counsel would make me get rid of him and I'll sleep in a tent in a park before that ever happens.  He has licked away my tears, cuddled while I cried after losing Ernie and this small little dog has taken on the responsibility of keeping Tootsie and I safe and sound and he does mean business!  LOL 

I know smoking isn't good and I may give it a good when I can feel I'm getting a little ahead because right now I'm going backwards with so many problems.  I'm strong, but soul weary and a few breaks would sure be appreciated on my part. 

I do understand it's not easy to leave everything and move somewhere else, but remember my friend, 'a house is not a home if the right people aren't in it.'  You just grab for the stars and look forward to a new beginning. 

Love you big brother


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 4, 2017 at 7:00pm

Dear Debbie,

Larry and I were both confirmed smokers - I was since age 17, and was up to three packs a day when he came home from the doctor 20+ years ago and dropped a box of nicotine patches on the kitchen table. He had gone for treatment of his "annual" bout of bronchitis, about which I always badgered him regarding his smoking. Larry looked directly into my eyes and said "You do NOT have to do this, but I have to quit - I have pneumonia, and my lungs can't keep going if I don't quit." Just as calm as you please -  no hesitation or doubt - he was going to quit.

I knew instantly that it would be 1000 times harder for him to quit if I continued smoking, so I just said "OK, I'll call and get the prescription for the patch and we start today." We did, and we never lit up again.

I say this to you because I too was hyper-sensitive to the aroma of cigarettes, and could smell them on other people from 10 feet away. I gained 15 LBS, which I eventually made peace with after facing the ugly reality that they were my new permanent companions, unwelcome though they be.

Keep the faith, dear friend, do it for yourself. and simply take the dollars you would have spent on the nasty things and put them toward your new wardrobe - hopefully not larger in size, but if that's the case, then don't waste one minute of this precious life feeling sorry for your larger waist, when your lungs and heart are healing and getting stronger each blessed day!

Congratulations Debbie, on a positive step that reflects your continued growing  strength and healing.

Much Love,


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 4, 2017 at 6:41pm

Dear Marsha,

I so hope that Tootsie's problem is easily treated, and you and she are in my prayers. Also I pray that your advisor finds some place to coax more funds for you - being "forced" to sell your home is never easy, but for us in this family, for whom our lives with our loved ones are inexorably intertwined with our homes, it is nearly unbearable to consider leaving. That said, you have shown us all through your wisdom, your experience, and your plain old stubbornness that your are not a woman easily defeated. We're all behind you always, and wait to hear of the developments in your current challenges. By the way, little sister - for me and all who love you...please do quit smoking. Nagging accomplished.

Much Love,


Comment by Marsha H on April 4, 2017 at 3:13pm

Deb S ...  Thanks so much for being my cheerleader.  I know I need to quit smoking and will admit I'm a stress smoker.  Right now have two serious things to get over before I dare try.  My little 14 year old dog Tootsie has a lump in her anal gland and taking her in today to see if it's just impacted or a tumor and my two little dogs are the last link to my Ernie so this is not going to be fun.  I see the vet at 5 PM.  The other issue is money is going out of my accounts faster than coming in and I have to see my Financial Advisor to see if they have any tricks up their sleeve or I will have no option, but to sell my house.  I sure hope the latter isn't true and my small rancher was and still is the love of Ernie's and my life.  I try, but everyone has their hand out to be paid for the slightest of things.  Will keep you informed.

Comment by Marsha H on April 4, 2017 at 3:10pm

Deb S.  ...  Here is something else you can do and what some people forget to do ... get rid of bad cookies. 

1.  Go to START

2.  A list will come up and you'll see DISC CLEANUP.  Hit on

      that and let it run (takes about 5 - 10 minutes.) 

3.  When it's finished it will ask if you want to delete old files

      to create more disc space and hit YES.  It will be quick to

      do so.  That should ease things up.

Wishing you luck my friend.



Comment by Sara Murphy on April 4, 2017 at 9:08am

Hi Debbie.....I muddle my way through the day.  Working certainly helps as it gives my mind something to focus on other than missing Ken.   Unfortunately, I'm not at a point where I see the light at the end of the tunnel and doubt I ever will.  Right now, my only goal is to live long enough to see my nieces grow up.  After that, I'm good to go.  Ken's waiting for me.  I wish I could be more inspirational.

Comment by Deb S on April 4, 2017 at 7:18am

Marsha, I'll be your cheerleader when you are ready to quit. For me, my mindset had to be clear. It is a hard habit to break but people do it all of the time. Debbie

Comment by Deb S on April 4, 2017 at 7:17am

Sarah, Thanks for your support. It was time I quit. One more thing out of the way.  How are you doing?  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on April 4, 2017 at 7:16am

Marsha, Thanks for trying to help re copying and pasting. I've tried to do that and can't seem to make that happen either. One night I tried to post for over an hour and nothing would make it work. It is like the site froze up. I'll work something out as I missed everyone.  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on April 4, 2017 at 5:50am

Mary.Jane ...  You sure aren't going to get much advice from this lady with little tech knowledge.  LOL  However, if you just get out of the Legacy site and go back on you should be OK, but doubt you can save what you've written.


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