Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on April 3, 2017 at 4:07am

Dear Mary Clough ... 

Mary, there is absolutely no reason why you should EVER ask for forgiveness.  Some are in fresh grief like you while some of us are ahead in our grief, but grief is grief and we do understand how you feel.

Hon, the secret to peace just for a little while is when you feel at your worst and no matter how tired you are sit down and post how you feel from your heart.  You are never judged by any of us here.

Grief takes a great deal of energy out of us so with you working no wonder all you want to do is sleep, but sleep is the #1 healer of all time.  Get as much sleep as you need and don't worry about what should be done or not done.  You have had the love of your life pass away so it's very normal to feel depression, cry, have no energy and possibly even aches and pains or simply not feeling well, but it's all normal hon.  You are a true dear heart asking how we are all doing when you are feeling so down and depressed and you know something, that means you are healing slowly, but surely.  We will never forget our spouses by any stretch of the imagination, but honestly Mary, as time passes we get stronger every day.  Don't beat yourself up because just getting out of bed each morning to go to work is a great effort and you're doing that so know that you are stronger than you think.  I also believe that our loved ones are right there next to us to give us the strength to move forward in life.  I also believe one day when it's our time we'll see them again. 

My husband Ernie passed April 27, 2017 of pancreatic cancer and I still can have days of crying and I talk to him each and every day and even say goodnight to him.  Although I have given most of his clothing away and some other items I can't part with his work clothes which are hanging up in the hallway and trick my mind sometimes that he'll be coming home, but of course I know that isn't going to happen.  We all have tricks to get through life so please lean on us so we can guide you through your grief and make you realize you aren't alone.  You can say absolutely anything that is on your mind and no one judges you and the members (your extended family now) are here for you like angels.  You are not alone in your grief and we're here for you!  So my dear, cry it all out, sleep as long as you want and know once again by getting up each morning to go to work takes strength and endurance yet you're doing it and I know your beloved is so proud of you because we sure are!

Mary, use this link to post

Big hugs


Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 3, 2017 at 2:29am

Dear Mary Clough,

It broke my heart to read your post. There's absolutely no need to apologize. Life without our spouse/partner is absolutely agonizing, and we on this site are all familiar with, and understand, the feelings of despair and depression you are facing right now. Take one day at a time, and just try to keep your head above the water. 

My wonderful husband Joseph passed more than two and a half years ago, and I still find it exceedingly difficult; life for me is not worth living, but what can I do? Like everyone else here, I try my best and just take one day a time.  I find that quite not as overwhelming as trying to envisage the rest of my life.

Hang in there. Sending you love and thoughts of peace.


Comment by Mary. Jane on April 2, 2017 at 9:53pm
Thanks Rolland
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 2, 2017 at 9:53pm
Thanks Rolland
Comment by Rolland Wood on April 2, 2017 at 8:28pm
Mary Jane, There is no need to ask for 'Forgiveness' from anybody in this sad club, we're all in the same boat without a paddle at times, sometimes we have to revert to the old dog paddle to keep our heads above water, often our life savers are the friends on this site that can truly understand our pain like nobody else that hasn't suffered the loss of a soul mate can. Sending love your way dear lady, and wishing you peace. Rolland.
Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2017 at 3:23pm

Soooo brother Chuck are you typing out some of those wise and wonderful words of wisdom and contemplating writing that book?  Thought I forgot didn't you?  LOL

Big hugs,


Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2017 at 3:20pm

Gretchen ...  What a wonderful idea you had with the quilts.  I wish I had thought of that myself.  You must take a picture when you can and post it so we can so your beautiful handiwork. 

Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2017 at 3:19pm

Mary.Jane ...  How sweet of you to leave such a wonderful post to me.  I really do feel everyone's pain on here as I've been through of course myself and I still have some difficult days.  It gets so frustrating that I just can't wave a magic wand and the hurt and sadness away from all of you, but now realize grief is a necessary part of life.  I am so very proud of each and everyone of you for even getting out of bed and trying your best.  It is true that eventually, life will get a bit easier as time goes by although our spouses will forever be in our hearts.  I think of all of you often and I always check the forum to be sure a post is answered.  Unfortunately, there is a time difference and most on here are in the U.S., while I'm in British Columbia, Canada. 

I don't like to take all the credit and I feel God has guided my finger tips over the keyboard to try and bring as much peace and reassurance to each one of you and I hope I succeed if even for a bit of a break for each of you.

It's sunny here today so I'm going to take full advantage of that and take my dogs for a walk and just enjoy the peace and quiet of nature.  Then off I go to help[ adopt dogs out which I really do enjoy.

I wish you nothing but sunshine, joy and peace in your heart today and again, so very proud of you Mary.Jane.

Big hugs


Comment by Mary. Jane on April 1, 2017 at 11:34am
MARSHA!! Ok this may sound weird, but I was thinking about you last night...and this is meant as the highest're like our MOM here. You always comment on our posts, and some of these posts are difficult to write, but YOU always respond to what we write and I'd like to thank you. I know I am new here, but I wanted you to know that I have noticed that, and am very appreciative.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 1, 2017 at 11:28am
OMG Grtecehen, THANK YOU so much!!! I had no idea HOW I was going to make this quilt, as I've never done one b4, and since the tshirts are stretchy, I got several negative responses from "quilters"? You have just given me a perfect gift. Thank you so much.

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