Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 17 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Mary. Jane 17 hours ago. 25 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on April 7, 2017 at 5:32am


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 6, 2017 at 11:50am

Dear Jay,

This month, having two anniversaries for you, will undoubtedly bring forth many emotions and tears - I'll be thinking of you and sending many prayers your way.

Thank you for sharing the words your pastor kindly spoke to you. When I read the words " Believe in yourself " I glanced to a note taped on the shelf above my computer - it reads " Never doubt yourself - or me ". That note was placed there surreptitiously during the first year of my grieving for Larry during a visit. I found it a few hours later, and it will be forever placed where I will see it every day wherever I live. She will never grasp the tremendous impact those few words written in her lovely hand have had on my healing.

Sadly, the reverse can also be true sometimes, when people casually dismiss our feelings with a lightly tossed out comment. This happened to me yesterday when, during a phone conversation, I said that it was exactly two years ago that Larry had to admit me to the hospital. the rather glib reply was " Time flies ". Without thinking I said " Not for me it hasn't...the last two years feel like two million". This was met with the sound of crickets - meaning silence.

If only people knew how easily their few simple words spoken to one who is broken-hearted with grief can either comfort or wound. But we here know - a sad lesson we have learned the hardest of ways.

Jay, I wish you peace in your heart, and hope you will take care of yourself well as Stephen would wish you to do - I know first hand how health issues can magnify our difficulties and make our loss all the more painful. I hope your issues are not too burdensome and are resolved easily.



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 6, 2017 at 11:33am

Dear Mary Jane,

You have just solved the problem of some of my own disappearing posts - thank you! I wrote something on page two this morning, then lost it completely. I will now try again on the first page.

See, you're helping us all out already my friend -



Comment by Sara Murphy on April 6, 2017 at 11:24am

Mary Jane.....Yes you are making sense.  Our comments post chronologically so regardless of what page you're on, you have to post on page 1.  Glad you solved your mystery.  It must have been driving you crazy.

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 6, 2017 at 11:07am
GUESS WHAT?? I think I have solved the mystery of why posts disappear, or won.t show up. For me, my post MUST be the very next post in the line of all the other posts. I cannot to t another page, and reply to a previous post..I hope I am making sense. Carry on LOL
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 6, 2017 at 11:03am
Ok I am having trouble posting so i will try this again. I want to thank y'All for being here. Since I found this site..and believe me, I looked for over a YEAR for something like this, and found it accidentally while Googling something else. Each morning,after my required 10-12 hours sleep...yup, you read that correctly, I have my coffe, cigarette, and come here. You are all so supportive and nice...and caring. Thank you all.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 6, 2017 at 10:57am
Test. Post
Comment by Sara Murphy on April 6, 2017 at 9:20am

Marsha.......I'm sorry the news for Tootsie wasn't better.   I myself have never had pets but my sister went through this a few months ago so I have an idea of your suffering.  With my sister, she got lucky as the tumor was removed and Roho is back to her old self.  I'll be praying for the same outcome for Tootsie.



Comment by Steve on April 6, 2017 at 7:32am
Dear Marsha,
When I lost Mark all I had left in my world was my dear sweet Bella.  I know without a doubt I was loosing it, I was alone and did not have anyone I felt close enough too and my family was 1000 miles away.  Bella would leave the room while I was sobbing so loudly and when I was exhausted she would come in and stand in front of me wagging her tail and I swear she was smiling, then she would come closer and place her big old head on my lap or right next to my face.  I could not help it, she made me smile, she made me forget, she let me know she loved me and she insisted I take her for a walk.  These episodes continued and became a part of our everyday life.  As I became calmer and more accepting she never wavered, she knew I was still unhappy even when I wasn't aware of it.  Bella was getting on in years and she had bad days when all she wanted to do was to just rest on her big pillow but always would follow me from room to room.  When it came time for me to start packing for our big move I noticed she was unhappy, she started leaving the room I was in packing boxes.  When I was finished she would come back in and sit down with a sigh.  Two days before moving day she became very unresponsive and try as I did, I could not get her to move or even stand up.  I was about to call for help to get her into the car so I could take her to the emergency vet when I noticed that she was staring out the glass doors at the patio with that same familiar expression on her face and waging her tail.  I looked and could not see anyone or anything, but I knew she was seeing something that I could not and I also knew that she was ready to leave me.  So I sat there and talked to her, petted her and she closed her eyes and fell asleep, she was breathing normally so I felt comfortable.  I laid down on the couch and fell asleep from exhaustion.  Seemed like only a few minutes, but I woke up with a start and I knew she was gone.  She was now happy, she was with Mark and she knew I would be ok heading for a new place and starting a new life, her work in this life was finished.
I wrote the other day about my plans to have a memorial service for Mark in the near future, once Chuck and I get settled in Dallas.  Those plans include Bella, she and Mark's cremains will be placed together and a tree planted to honor both of them.  Chuck and I are planning to adopt a needy dog once we get to Dallas, we both think that having a dog or cat is important in every human's life.  Somehow they seem to bring out the best in each of us, they need us and we need them.  Whatever happens dear sister it will be just as right for her as it will be for you, still...we are praying for her and for you.
Comment by Marsha H on April 6, 2017 at 4:13am

Dearest Trina ...  Thank you for that lovely post.  I feel as if we've known each other before and I swear, our spouses have sent us to Legacy for a good reason.  I always come here when I know someone is in need, but also when I have a problem or lose faith.  I've been a Christian for years and go to Bible Study which is Thursday nights. 

I don't think I would have been as strong as I am if it hadn't been for Legacy and my extended family.  It doesn't matter than new members come to this forum and each one amazes me that they reach out with love and encouragement even though they, themselves are grieving deeply.  I am so proud of each and every person on here.  I know we'll all get through this because of the strength and love we each radiate to each other. 

Thank you for thinking of my little fur baby as my two dogs are all that is left that Ernie and I enjoyed.  I'm a realist so I know one day they will pass too, but it doesn't make it any easier.  So, I pray, sometimes I get angry, I cry and then I slap myself silly and get moving and fight the fight.

Know hon, we are all here for you as well and I hope the move you made is one that fills you with hope, joy and peace.

Big hugs



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