Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:28pm
Ok I want to add, this has been a REALLY bad day for me. Usually I am perky and adorable , and, yes my picture is recent and untouched, (not bad for someone who is 70) LOL but some days suck. Besides having bad arthritis, I have a "condition" known as Epstein Barr Virus. It's a nasty little auto ammune disease, which I have had since 2014. I seem to go into remission in the winter, but with the start of warmer weather it comes roaring back. Also, since Bob died, I know when it returns,cuz I get REALLY depressed about his death.
So I apologize for my maudlin whining, and thank y!all for understanding. It's going to be a LONG summer.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:04pm
Update...I CHECKED not HACKED the rules...sorry.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:02pm
Ok, this is to SARA, or about her post on Thursday. SAra, you brought up a subject I have been yearning to approach but I didn't know if it was allowed. Yes, I. Hacked the box for the "rules" but since I've had no focus since Bob died, I don't remember if this was one of them. Are we allowed to discuss "signs" or dream visits, or possible sightings of our loved ones here? I have had one HUGE sign about 6 months ago, but since then, nothing big. Please don't kick me off this board..but I really am desperate to know if this is permitted. I just want to know if Bob is OK...and I wondered if it's ok to talk about this? I would give anything except my daughter and my kitty to know if he is if it is allowed, please can we discuss this subject? Thank you, and I am sorry if I broke the rules, and if so, I will never mention this again...but I DO want to stay here. Thank y'all.
Comment by Harold McKinstry on April 8, 2017 at 9:25am


Sorry to hear about Tootsie prognosis. We had to go through that with Diane's dog Roxie. She said she knew I was okay because Roxie didn't like men very well, but took to me right away. They suspected tumors, did Surgery they were all over. Had to have her but down without waking up. People that aren't dog owners don't understand how much of a part of the family they become. I'm sure you gave Totsie a home and Love that most dogs could only dream off. That's the best thing we can do. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 8, 2017 at 8:26am

Marsha.....I'm so sorry to hear this news of Tootsie.  My heart is breaking for you.  I wish I had that magic wand and could make this okay but all I can do is pray for peace for both you and Tootsie.



Comment by Marsha H on April 8, 2017 at 3:28am

Dear Rolland ...  Thank you so much my dear friend to take the time to acknowledge my sweet Tootsie and to let me know some of your private life regarding Janice and her parrot Oz.  Yes, they do become a great part of our lives and I understand totally that Oz is a connection to your dear Janice; same applies with my 2 dogs with my Ernie and I.  Once they are both gone that's the last connection to the life Ernie and I have and I also understand that's a frightening thing one doesn't want to look forward to.  When Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 our dear comical cat Molly (10 years old) passed suddenly and no warning 5 months after that and now yet I face another loss.  I'm angry to a degree and I suppose it's because I can't make her well.  It's about quality time with Tootsie as nothing else can be done for her.  I refuse Chemo or Radiation and not because of money, but it's a terrible thing to put your pet through with the same outcome in 99% of this type of cancer.

May I suggest that you put in your Will where Oz will go when it is your time because many people don't do this with their pets and as you know Oz will live to be a ripe old age.  Just a suggestion in case you haven't.

I hope your days are more peaceful Rolland and again that you for your concern and encouragement. 



Comment by Rolland Wood on April 7, 2017 at 7:36pm
Marsha, I 'm very sorry to hear about sweet Tootsies illness, I hope things change for the better on the prognosis. It's unfair that we're already full up with heartache and yet we have to bear more loss. I bought my Dear wife Janice an Amazon Parrot back in 1988 (Oz) for her birthday, those two were inseparable friends up to the time of Janice's passing in 2013. I still have Oz and she is now bonded to me, we both miss our Janice badly. Oz is all I have left of my wife, besides memories, photos, etc. But that parrot is a living part of Janice that was part of her heart, and now beats within mine. I couldn't face losing Oz too, its one of my fears. I wish you peace Marsha, and pray for the best. Rolland
Comment by Marsha H on April 7, 2017 at 7:06pm

My dear extended family ...

I got an unexpected call from my vet about my little dog Tootsie and the news stunned me.  The tumor is cancerous (carcinoma) and spread.  I have to go in to see him tomorrow to see whether to take the tumor out (fast growing) and God only knows how long she'll have or, take the tumor out and get a little more time together.  I am so full of heartache as she's been such a sweet and loving companion and was part of Ernie and I and that's what makes it so damn hard!  I am been crying my eyes out wondering when all this hell is going to end and I find a little peace and joy.

Thanks for those that encouraged me and kept my hopes up and I love you all for that.



Comment by Marsha H on April 7, 2017 at 5:32am


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 6, 2017 at 11:50am

Dear Jay,

This month, having two anniversaries for you, will undoubtedly bring forth many emotions and tears - I'll be thinking of you and sending many prayers your way.

Thank you for sharing the words your pastor kindly spoke to you. When I read the words " Believe in yourself " I glanced to a note taped on the shelf above my computer - it reads " Never doubt yourself - or me ". That note was placed there surreptitiously during the first year of my grieving for Larry during a visit. I found it a few hours later, and it will be forever placed where I will see it every day wherever I live. She will never grasp the tremendous impact those few words written in her lovely hand have had on my healing.

Sadly, the reverse can also be true sometimes, when people casually dismiss our feelings with a lightly tossed out comment. This happened to me yesterday when, during a phone conversation, I said that it was exactly two years ago that Larry had to admit me to the hospital. the rather glib reply was " Time flies ". Without thinking I said " Not for me it hasn't...the last two years feel like two million". This was met with the sound of crickets - meaning silence.

If only people knew how easily their few simple words spoken to one who is broken-hearted with grief can either comfort or wound. But we here know - a sad lesson we have learned the hardest of ways.

Jay, I wish you peace in your heart, and hope you will take care of yourself well as Stephen would wish you to do - I know first hand how health issues can magnify our difficulties and make our loss all the more painful. I hope your issues are not too burdensome and are resolved easily.




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