Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Diamond Mar 29. 5 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

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Comment by Harold McKinstry on April 9, 2017 at 3:00pm

Mary Jane

 I have always felt comfortable discussing anything on here. Never seen anyone pass judgement or give a hard time for what they posted.  Please tell us about the sign you have received. Two or three days after the Funeral I went to bed, had the most vivid dream I have ever had. I felt Diane laying next to me holding me. I said you can't be here you are dead I saw it how can you be here. She didn't say anything just held me tight. On Diane's side of the bed there is an Angel touch lamp, she would always turn it on after dark. It has been turned on every once in a while especially when I was having a hard time dealing with something. I'm convinced it is her telling me she is still with me.  

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 9, 2017 at 7:18am

Mary Jane......You absolutely can discuss signs or dreams you've had of Bob.  We have all had signs and periodically mention them.  I've even gone to a Medium twice since Ken died and he came through both times.  Not everyone believes in Mediums, but what was told to me was VERY specific.  I know that he's okay, it's me who's not at peace. 

Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2017 at 5:31am

Dearest Steve ...  Thank you so much for that beautiful story of Bella.  I remember her picture you put up on Legacy and what a beautiful girl she was.  I tell people who don't seem to get it how intelligent dogs are to just look in their eyes and see the pure love, loyalty and they have a sixth sense and often wiser than humans.  My dogs follow me from room to room all the time and if my routine is off so are they.  Dogs are amazing!  Your post brought tears to my eyes and I know Bella loved you, but knew she couldn't last much longer and yes, she saw Mark and she went to him.  I know when Tootsie passes away Ernie will be waiting for her with open arms as she was 'his little girl.'  That will bring piece to my heart, but sure leave a hole in my now small family with just Booker T and myself.  I too have a small immediate family that isn't around all that much; friends that have drifted away and gotten on with their own life and I have to admit I am extremely lonely and don't know where I fit into society anymore.  I try and keep trying and that's all I can do.

I think it's such a beautiful idea to have Mark's ashes and Bella's together.  I have Ernie's ashes and 6 of our pets ashes and we'll all go together.  That was Ernie's wishes.  I am also very happy you are thinking of saving a dog's life because working with these poor dogs looking for a new family I know how intelligent they are and how much they want to be adopted and loved.  Here is a little story that may catch your heart strings ...

Last Sunday our little 7 year old "Otto' a wiener dog who was over-looked for so long finally had a loving couple in their late 40's come in and adopt him.  He had been waiting so long for thing.  The story behind him while at the main shelter where very ill dogs have to be put down is he took it upon himself to lay beside the dog either dying or being euthanized and never left that dog's side.  He has so much love in his heart and his eyes are full of love.  As the couple were just going to leave Otto was so excited and without thinking I said, 'Otto, aren't you forgetting something?'  He turned around and raced over to my friend who owns the animals shelter and saves so many dog's lives and put his paws up and kissed her and then came to me and did the same thing.  We always get teary-eyed when it all ends well.  That keeps me going and I work hard to find good families for these wonderful dogs. 

Thank you again little brother for being there for me and I love you for that.



Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2017 at 4:09am

Mary.Jane ...  I'm so sorry you are having a bad time of it, but know it's normal and we all have them.  Nope, you're not going crazy or losing it.  I don't mean this in a bad way at all, but the way you described yourself made me laugh out loud as I know you have a good sense of humor.  You sure don't look 70.  I'm 75 and told I look 10 years younger than I do, but there are rough days and sometimes I feel like wearing a bag over my head.

I am very sorry to hear of your health issues and stress as well as what you have can sure do a number on a person.  I found since Ernie passed and the stress at times that I can get aches and pains and feel depressed at too.  Sometimes I look in the mirror in the morning, scream and think some old bag has broken into my house!  I can't believe how I've aged since Ernie passed away.  It's as if I've been in a fog-like dream and time has flown by.  Sad when the time goes either slow or fast and you're not having fun.

I generally use to love spring and summer, but not now since Ernie passed away and I see people holding hands, getting ready for vacations and those days seem over for me.  I try my best to take one day at a time.

You are not whining and you NEVER have to apologize.  We all have rough days and you are right in there encouraging many.  We are family and we are here for each other.  Lean on us!   

Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2017 at 3:59am

Harold ...  Thank you so much for your lovely post.  I'm like Diane was and if my dogs don't like someone I pay attention so you must be one nice guy!  I have no doubt about that.  I am so very sorry about Roxie, but at least she went while under anesthetic which is a blessing.  No matter how much we feel we're prepared to lose our loyal pets it's still very difficult to deal with their loss as they are so much a part of our family.

The vet had me come in on Saturday and he's so kind and caring and gave me several choices.  I am having surgery done on her tumor this coming week and it's is so very delicate to do as the tumor is behind the anal gland and he can't take the larger square away to get all cancer cells because of the small area and all the nerve endings and blood vessels.  He said if the cancer has spread he will not do the entire surgery.  The worst is that Tootsie may well go like Roxie did and I could handle that more than see her suffer.  The vet is very optimistic that I can get several months out of her or he's seen other dogs go longer than that, but admitted each dog is different.  I can't let her live with this tumor as it will grow until she can't go to the bathroom any longer so it has to come out.  I have to give him my decision on Sunday and it's a 'go.'  I pray I'm doing the right thing.  He said she wouldn't be in any pain after the tumor was out so that's hopeful.  She's so spunky and full of life I just can't have her put down and I need to give her this chance so when it's her time to leave this earth and hopefully into the arms of my Ernie that my conscience is clear I've done everything possible.

I hope you are doing much better my friend and have a good weekend.  We've had nothing, but rainy days and it's very depressing, but Sunday there is some sunny spots going to show up.

Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2017 at 3:46am

Sara ...  Thank you so much for just being here for me as always.  It never ceases to amaze me how all of you can surround another with encouragement and hope when all are going through grief which I know drains one's energy so quickly.

I am having surgery done this coming week for my little Tootsie to take the tumor out and give her a few more months or so.  Some people think I'm crazy to put the $1500 out, but I love her and as long as she's not in pain I want her to have a good quality of life and have her with me a little longer before it's time for her to go.

I wish you the very best for today and hope it is full of peace, light and joy.

Comment by Rolland Wood on April 8, 2017 at 10:41pm
Mary,Jane..I know about auto immune disorders, my wife was a victim of Rheumatoid Arthritis, which is a terrible and disabling ailment. It causes many physical,emotional, and mental terrors, some due to the drugs which are prescribed as a treatment for something that is often beyond compare. Best wishes, Rolland.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:28pm
Ok I want to add, this has been a REALLY bad day for me. Usually I am perky and adorable , and, yes my picture is recent and untouched, (not bad for someone who is 70) LOL but some days suck. Besides having bad arthritis, I have a "condition" known as Epstein Barr Virus. It's a nasty little auto ammune disease, which I have had since 2014. I seem to go into remission in the winter, but with the start of warmer weather it comes roaring back. Also, since Bob died, I know when it returns,cuz I get REALLY depressed about his death.
So I apologize for my maudlin whining, and thank y!all for understanding. It's going to be a LONG summer.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:04pm
Update...I CHECKED not HACKED the rules...sorry.
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 8, 2017 at 10:02pm
Ok, this is to SARA, or about her post on Thursday. SAra, you brought up a subject I have been yearning to approach but I didn't know if it was allowed. Yes, I. Hacked the box for the "rules" but since I've had no focus since Bob died, I don't remember if this was one of them. Are we allowed to discuss "signs" or dream visits, or possible sightings of our loved ones here? I have had one HUGE sign about 6 months ago, but since then, nothing big. Please don't kick me off this board..but I really am desperate to know if this is permitted. I just want to know if Bob is OK...and I wondered if it's ok to talk about this? I would give anything except my daughter and my kitty to know if he is if it is allowed, please can we discuss this subject? Thank you, and I am sorry if I broke the rules, and if so, I will never mention this again...but I DO want to stay here. Thank y'all.

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