Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on April 6, 2017 at 3:40am

Trina ...  Your posts of kindness and support to all of us have meant so much especially to me.  No matter how difficult it has been for you grieving for Joseph you always take the time to encourage and give hope.  Thank you my dear friend!

My Tootsie isn't doing well (to look at her you'd never know anything was wrong.)  I took her into the vets this morning as he was going to sedate her and take a needle biopsy and some samples of the tumor.  I couldn't sleep, just paced around for 4 hours and they called and I went in to get her.  The vet told me they found the tumor behind the anal gland which is very difficult to get to without doing damage and one swollen lymph node and I know it doesn't sound good although he would not say if he thought it was cancerous or not.  It will be 2 - 5 business days before the results come back from the lab and it's going to be agonizing waiting.  The surgery is costly, but I'll do anything for my fur baby.  I'm tired of losing those I love and I'm fighting this one too.  Just another mountain to climb so to speak.  It's been pouring rain here so it's difficult to get out for walks or keep busy in the garden and I just can't seem to get motivated inside the house.  I'm just frustrated, upset and restless. 

My prayers and thoughts fly towards you Trina and keep your chin up' Joseph is near.



Comment by Sara Murphy on April 5, 2017 at 9:39pm

Trina.....I believe that if it wasn't for this site, many of us would be in much worse shape.  The support needed from losing a soul mate cannot truly come from someone who hasn't walked this path.  As much as our friends and family try to help, they  just don't understand the depths of this grief.  Coming to Legacy, reading the comments and trying to find inspiration is what has helped me the most. I'm grateful for my Legacy family.

I do want to say that Ken sent me a sign today to tell me I'll be okay.  Not sure I believe him and wish I could  talk to him about it.  It's said that our loved ones in Heaven can see tomorrow so much clearer than we can see today so I guess he knows where I'm headed.  Just wish I knew. 

Wishing you peace and hopefully a better tomorrow.


Comment by Sara Murphy on April 5, 2017 at 9:26pm

Jay....thinking of you as these 2 anniversary dates come up.  It's only been 6 months for you so please don't push yourself.  I too have thoughts and regrets over what I could have done differently when my husband was sick and if things would have turned out differently if I had.  It's very normal and we all have to come to the conclusion that the outcome would likely be the same.  After all, we live according to God's plan and his plan had our loved one's going Home before we were ready.  However what the brain knows and what the heart feels are two different things.    Your pastor is a wise man.


Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 5, 2017 at 6:32pm

Jay and Chuck,

Sending you both healing thoughts and vibes as you guys face your anniversaries. Very glad that you think that you are stronger today than you had been until recently. Anniversaries are tough, to put it mildly. Joseph's 52nd birthday was March 15th, and it took a huge effort and courage to make it through that emotionally-charged day, so I understand...

Love, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 5, 2017 at 6:21pm

Hello All,

Just wanted to thank you for the posts made recently. I don't have the psychic strength to comment on all of them, but I wanted to let you know that reading your stories, comments, concerns, confessions, and words of hope and encouragement is what helps me hang in there. Like so many of you have said, this site is a miracle as it throws a lifeline to us that we can reach out to and find some solace and consolation.

Marsha, thinking of you and your Tootsie. 

Hope today is a better better for everyone. Sending vibes of love and peace. -- Trina

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 5, 2017 at 5:34pm

Chuck....I for one am grateful for your miracle.  You have provided me and others a tremendous amount of support. I'm just sorry you had to go through so much.  It's hard enough to lose your soul mate but to be so sick yourself at that must have been unbearable.  I'm glad you found us here and you know I wish you and Steve nothing but happiness.

Love, Sara

Comment by Harold McKinstry on April 5, 2017 at 4:59pm


Ill be thinking of you and your Dog, I would have have a harder time without my 2 little spoiled rotten dogs by my side. I have had head cold since I got back from California, whenever I sneeze Sadie comes running over to see if I'm okay. I have to tell her i'm okay, then she will give me a kiss and walk away. 

Comment by Jay Zimmermann on April 5, 2017 at 3:26pm

I'm approaching my 2 year and 32 year anniversarys.   Let me explain.  Stephen passed the 15th of October last year.  We would of been legally married for 2 years the 25th of April, and we would have been together 32 years April 28th.

I have so many emotions going through me as this time approaches and this month has proven to be a busy one for me, maybe that is a good thing.

I find that I seem to be having more health issues, as I am no longer a young man and well into middle age.

I seem to have progressed with my grief past the point of denial, to the point of acceptance.  I get angry with myself that I was not at time the best support I could of been for Stephen.  I know I did the best I could.

People comment on how well I seem to be doing.  Yes and no, I still have fits of sobbing and overwhelming emotion, less so now then I did, but yes even now.  I am told this is normal and to be expected.

I am grateful for the love and support I have found since Stephen has passed.  People truly try to be supportive.  I am grateful for the stories and comments that have been shared here.  

I am grateful for the doctors, nurses and others in the professional field that I have dealt with concerning Stephen's passing and my emotional well being, as well as the support I have received from my church family.

I will conclude these remarks with something I was told by my pastor. " You have been through so much in your life.  It will be OK, and you will get through this too.  Believe in yourself."

These words have meant more to be to help me get through this than anything anyone else has said to me because they are so true.  

Trust yourself and believe in yourself.  It will be OK.  It won't be the same, but it will be OK.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 5, 2017 at 2:35pm

Hello Family,

This is a rather poignant anniversary of sorts for me. Two years ago today Larry rushed me to the hospital where I was admitted to e ICU. It was questionable whether I would live. Seventeen days later I lost my sweet man, who passed just a few floors below me in the same hospital.

Last evening, as we sat discussing those times, Steve looked at me very tenderly, and as a tear rolled down his cheek he quietly called me a living miracle.

In the long confusion of days and emotions that make up those two years, I have been shown compassion and mercy from so many sources I wondered if I hadn't succumbed after all and was still dreaming all this. But the fact is that my miracle came not only from doctors and nurses, but from a website I stumbled onto frightened and desperate to make some form of sense out of the nightmare in which I had found myself.

It was here that I began to breathe again, and here that I have found the miracle that has lifted and sustained me ever since joining. I have found a family, a life, and yes, even someone to love.

Without you all, I would be spoken of in terms of "memory" rather than "miracle", and I will be eternally grateful to you and love you from the bottom of my heart.

Your friend always,


Comment by Sara Murphy on April 5, 2017 at 11:15am

Hi Marsha......I want you to know I'm thinking of you and Tootsie to day.  I'm praying all goes well with this visit.  Please let us know.



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