Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Diamond Mar 29. 5 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on April 14, 2017 at 2:13pm

Up-date on my little dog Tootsie ...

Tootsie had her surgery this past Tuesday and the vet said everything went very well.  This is not a cure and the tumor will come back eventually, but it give my fur-baby some months of quality life and if lucky a year or more.  She deserves that chance.  She detests the large wire kennel I have to put her so she doesn't jump up and down and she 'hoots' rather than bark, but lately I get a sharp bark at displeasure of being there.  Wow!  LOL  It's like looking after a child and I have medications to give her, sits baths and you name it.  She had a huge plastic cone on her head and was bumping into things so I bought her a 'Zen' blow-up donut shaped collar which she likes much better and it gives her more freedom.  No walks for another 10 days.  Oh my.  My other little male Cockapoo Booker is in a funk because of the 'no walks', but he does love his sister and he is always consoling her and close by protecting her. 

The topper to all this is my small immediate family thought they were doing me a favor by having Easter at my home because I can't leave Tootsie and the only reason I agreed was I hadn't seen my great-niece (16 months old) in a long while.  I have an Easter gift for her and it just wouldn't be the same anyway not having family around 'the Motley Crew'  LOL to remember what matters during the Easter holidays ... family, friends of our religious beliefs.

Comment by Marsha H on April 14, 2017 at 2:06pm

Chuck ...  What a beautifully written post.  You said it so well and no one could have said it better!

I find in this distant society of conversing through technology with cell phones, ear phones, etc., that no one is listening; almost robotic in nature as if they have forgotten how to be human with empathy, loyalty, contact or just a plain old good hug and 'how are you.'  I come here to help others where I can, but also each one of you fills my heart with not only feeling your sadness and grief, but feeling like a family where we can come and vent without judgment. 

I wish all of you peace, as much joy as your heart can handle this Easter and Passover. 

I generally come on here in the mornings and later in the evening to see if anyone needs some help and hopefully I can let them know they are not alone in their grief.

Much love big brother


Comment by Mary. Jane on April 14, 2017 at 10:20am
CHUCK, that was beautifully written and your words well chosen and touching. Thank you.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 14, 2017 at 8:59am

                              Part 2

Dear Family,


Many of our family here are celebrating Easter, while others of us celebrate Passover. The profound significance of these two most holy of times brings me to a place of contemplation of our own experiences with our losses, and the ways in which they alter our course through life. The very season of Spring itself is a time of rebirth, renewal, and reawakening.


Passover celebrates the liberation of Jews from oppression and slavery.  Easter celebrates the liberation of Christians from sin. In each case this salvation comes at a terrible and sad price – death. It required the death of the first-born sons of the Egyptian oppressors. It required the death of the Christians’ Savior, the Son of God. These sacrifices, bring with them their requisite loss and pain, were needed for the liberation and salvation to occur, although for those who bore the heartache of these losses the price was awful and brought forth the question ‘Why?”


We all know that question – have shrieked it to the empty nighttime sky, have wept it into our lonely pillows. Answers come and go, offered by pastors, books, psychics, and well-meaning friends and family. But we know those do not relieve our grieving.


When I found Legacy, and in particular Steve Cain’s group “Bereaved Spouses”, I was numb and only half-heartedly researching counseling at the insistence of a worried friend. I expected nothing that would relieve my sorrow, or provide comfort in my loneliness. I was wrong.


Here I was accepted and welcomed into a family of caring souls who understood my feelings. Our vast differences – age, faith, location, and circumstance – were not barriers, but conduits into understanding the commonality of our grief. We are invited to examine our own experiences through the candid and generous sharing offered of our stories, our pain, and our first halting steps into a world alone without our loved one.


This place has been for almost 18 months many things – refuge, safe harbor, confessional, infirmary…and classroom. It is here my healing began and continues. My rehabilitation spiritually, mentally, and even physically are directly the result of all the loving and supportive friends I have made here.


As I reflect on this, and my wonderment at this miracle, I see the correlation to the miracles that enabled the salvation  provided through sacrifice and death at Easter and Passover. I am left feeling humbled, and bewildered…and very very grateful. Oh that the world could witness and benefit from the lessons we learn here, especially that in our humanity at times of absolute despair and grieving, our differences vanish as we hold out our hands in love and compassion to all those who are truly our brothers and sisters.


A Happy Easter, and a Happy Passover to all – I wish you all blessed peace this season and always.

With Love and gratitude,


Comment by Marsha H on April 12, 2017 at 4:35am

Steve ...  What a beautiful poem and I'm going to print it out.  Thank you for that little brother.

Love & Hugs


Comment by Sara Murphy on April 11, 2017 at 2:01pm

Steve.....I haven't seen that poem before.  I absolutely love it and have printed it out.  Thanks for posting it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 11, 2017 at 12:55pm
I think I had a sign from Bob this morning whe I woke up..when I went to bed last night, When I see you again" was running thru my head..but when I woke, a song I would NEVER think of, let alone hear it in my head..was playing loudly: FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU. Why of all the songs in the world? Was that from Bob? I want so badly to think it was.
STEVE that was beautiful, I will print it out..MARSHA I sent u a message TRINA & SARA thank you...maybe someday we will all get affirmations..I must b feeling a bit better cuz I haven,t caved at all the lovely poems and songs yet today...I DIDN,t get up till maybe I am going into remission again from the Epstein Barr.
Comment by Steve on April 11, 2017 at 6:27am

I haven't posted this in a while, seems like today is a good day for repeats, each day I wake up and see Mark's photo, I think of this poem:

For those who believe:

I wish I could tell you of all that God has planned

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand

But one this is for certain though my life on earth is o’re

I am closer to you now than I was ever before

And to my very many friends trust God knows what is best

I’m still not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crest

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb

But together we can do it taking one day at a time

It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too

That as you give unto the world so the world will give to you

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow or in pain

Then you can say to God at night my day was not in vain

And now I am contented that my life was worthwhile

Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile

So if you meet somebody who is down and feeling low

Just lend a hand to pick him/her up as on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind,

I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind

And when you feel the gentle breeze or the wind upon your face

That’s me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace

And when it’s time for you to go from that body to be free

Remember you’re not going you are coming here to me.

I will always love you.


Comment by Marsha H on April 11, 2017 at 5:04am

To my family ...

I've left this song a few times before, but wanted the new members to hear this song because I believe our beloved spouses are always around us and yes, we'll see them again.

Much love


Comment by Marsha H on April 11, 2017 at 3:54am

I too believe there are special people out there such as psychics or mediums, but few and far between.  Ernie had a special name for me so if a psychic or medium can't get that then to me they're doing a 'cold read.'  I know I went to two psychics and one medium and other than couple of close calls of what was going on in my life none of them knew I had just recently had my husband pass away.  So, I look for signs that I know are there.  That's just me.  I'm very cautious and get angry if I feel someone is scamming me. 

Sara is right, Sylvia Browne passed away.  I saw her several months before in person and she did not look well. 

Ernie passed away in April 2011 and that Christmas Eve (that use to be our favorite time together) I was wrapping last minute Christmas gifts on the coffee table not even paying too much attention to anything when I looked to the left of me and there he stood, one elbow on the wall unit, one leg crossed and smiling down at myself and the dogs as if he were telling me he was so grateful I had put the Christmas tree up when it was the hardest thing I ever had to do being without him.  When I saw him I was calm.  His body looked like a billion stars all combined and it was him for sure.  He was there about 2 minutes and I was amazed at myself how peaceful I felt and this was all quite normal.  There were others signs I had as well.  I know grief counseling tells those in grief these are nothing, but illusions, but I disagree and there is something much greater after death than anyone knows.  I saw what I saw!


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