Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane Jul 1. 13 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 9, 2017 at 12:02pm

Paul Simon-Graceland
Comment by Tiffany Phillips on May 8, 2017 at 9:17am

Mary, and everyone else, thank you for taking time out to talk with me.  This is completely all new to me.  I hope I never ever have to go through it again.  The emotions and just everything in general is the worst, sometimes almost crippling.  When you do finally get some happiness, the guilt creeps in and tears you apart more.  I commend all of you for how strong you are, and how wonderful you all are as well.  Thanks again for all of your insite, I knew what was logical in my head, but sometimes my emotions don't run with logic.  The man I lost is.. there are no words for it.  I got off work late one night and he was going to a buddies house for the evening and we hadn't seen each other all day; he calls me and tells me to meet him at county line road just so we can hug before I went to sleep that night.  Sitting at my desk at work and I just cry (good thing for cubicles lol).  I've been doing an amazing job at keeping myself busy, work work work, gym, nieces on the weekend, but the pain still finds a way to creep up:  driving home alone at night, falling asleep, shower.  
I wanted to get a memorial tatttoo as well, but a lady who is like my 2nd momma asked me to wait a year before doing anything like that, so that's what I am doing.  And I suppose I should apply the 'wait a year' before making any important decisions.  

I really do appreciate you guys!!

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 6, 2017 at 10:17pm
Thanks, Marsha..yes each day I get a bit better..cortisone SUCKS!
Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2017 at 3:51pm

Mary.Jane ...  I'm truly sorry that you had that terrible reaction to cortisone and became deeply depressed.  I can still the odd time get deeply depressed and all one can do is rest and either come on Legacy or, for some keep to oneself.  You are tough girl, so hope you are feeling much better.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2017 at 11:22am
TIFFANY!!!! I am going to say ONE word...NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Ok, now I am going to give u some straight talk. I will not sugar coat it. First off, I am guessing you are pretty were the first person I ever responded to on Legacy, about your MIL..and it was only 2 weeks after your fellow had died. Now it's 4 months, and someone wants to have a relationship with you??? You listen to what everyone here said to you! OMG! girl, NO! Honey, I know you are lonely and scared, but anyone who would want anything but friendship at this stage I would hesitate to trust. He might b the nicest guy in the world, but if he is decent, he wouldn,t be doing this "soft pressure" like it sounds. Tiffany, it!s a BIG BAD WORLD out there, full of people waiting to take advantage of others, that prey on the weak. TRUST NO ONE? least for a year! Maybe more. After Bob died, I hesitated to tell people, because I was, and still am, distrusting of everyone. It is a safely are still in the SHOCK stages of your grief, who you are now isn,t who you will b a year from now. I m BEGGING you to do one small thing...BUY A JOURNAL and write down you feelings, what is happening to you, anything you feel like writing. It will really help u. Also, I am guessing you live alone? Do you have any pets? If not, consider getting one. Since you work, I wouldn,t suggest a dog...maybe a cat? This is kitten time, and thousands of kittens will need a home, and you need something to CARE FOR!! Think of it as saving TWO lives...yours and the animals.
Tiffany, I know you are scared, confused, and a Miriam of other emotions, but embrace them. That might b the only way to get through this...and it might get worse, before it gets better, but you can do it. And BE CAREFUL!!!!! For now, don,t trust were smart to come here and tell us. Follow your instincts and it's k to sit in your closet and cry all you want...4 months is NOTHING!
Right after Bob died, I wanted to run down and get a memorial tattoo! But someone told me to wait at least a year b4 making any decisions. I still haven,t done's on my "to do" list..but I am NOT the same person I was a year ago, and I am just BEGINNING to realize that Bobs death isn,t one bad dream..I am waking up and you need to wait until the shock is over. Again, don,t trust ANYONE who urges you to do ANYTHING you are not ready to do, and follow your fact, not trusting anyone at all might b a good idea until you r ready. It is Gods way of protecting us..untill we are ready to make decisions for ourselves.
Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2017 at 10:31am
Hey everyone! Miss me? LOL? I haven,t been here in two weeks..I had a HORRIBLE mental depressing reaction to a shot of cortisone...I was so depressed I even thought about "the subject we must not contemplate"..but I am better now. It was worse than the day Bob died...but I am going to be ok. I did read everyone's post, but couldn,t bring myself to respond to anything. So, thanks for being here..and now I am going to start a new post for TIFFANY.
Comment by Sheri Dettman on May 5, 2017 at 9:28am

To follow up on Option B, I've now finished it and discovered that there is a huge online support group on Facebook. Just put in Option B and it will take you there. One of the most inspirational blogs is from Patton Oswald whose wife died a year ago in her sleep at 40 something years old. He's a really good writer and I think that most of you would like reading not only his words, but what others have commented on.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on May 4, 2017 at 3:05pm
Sorry to hear about your friend Steve, I haven't had to go to a Funeral yet but sure it will bring back a flood of Memories. I have been in Hospital a couple of times, it brings stuff back to me. That's a nice way to look at it that Ken has a buddy to hang out with. Hope your doing reasonably well.
Comment by Marsha H on May 4, 2017 at 3:40am

Gretchen ...  So good to hear from you.  Not much going on just outside of Vancouver, B.C. where I live with the exception that we have a lot of cold, rainy days and the very few days we get with a little sun it torments us by going behind clouds and the weather can turn nasty in a Nano second.  Planting will be late, but I managed to get out in my gardens one day and really worked up a fever doing as much as I could.

April 27 was the 6th anniversary of Ernie's passing and I found this year that I just didn't want to celebrate it.  Of course I do love him, miss him with all my heart, but the reality is he isn't coming back so no reason to celebrate.  I only celebrate our wedding anniversary and Christmas.

Like most of us have ups and downs and little by little things are getting a wee bit better.  I find after one has gotten over the intense grief (each person is different) I have certainly faced reality and tried to reinvent my life as best I can.  It's sure not easy though.

Hope you are doing well and don't be a stranger.



Comment by Sheri Dettman on May 3, 2017 at 4:18pm

Don't know if any of you have read it yet, but I highly recommend Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. I'm about 3/4 of the way thru and find it very helpful. She addresses pretty much everything that we all have gone thru, are going thru or will go thru.


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