Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane on Sunday. 15 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on June 14, 2017 at 11:05pm
I guess I should explain, that from 1973 till 1980 I drank. ALot..I quit Oct 10 1980. till Bob died I had 36 years of sobriety. It started as a game..cuz I wasn,t given control over I drank on my days off from morning until I passed out, I would wake up, vomit and start again. I drank as fast as I could, till Bob wasn,t I quit. This New Years I had a drink on an airplane..bourbon and ginger ale. I was finally in control of my own life. I had tried drinking wine a few months b4 that, but it made me sick and out of control..although I got high, I NEVER got drunk. I never want to b that person again. So I went to the liquor store, and bought the best bourbon they had, and now, I occasionally have a drink at night. I have NEVER been drunk, it is too risky..and I am proud of myself. But I know this too shall will go the way of ice cream, candy, cheesecake..and the other things I ate to soothe myself. I can hear u al,thinking what an idiot I am..playing with a loaded gun, but I know I will never be an alcoholic again...because it is MY decision, not someone else's..and for the first time in my life, I am in control...and I have paid the highest price possible for that control. this Saturday I will have a few drinks, and I ordered myself a box of Cheryl's cookies, and that is how I will spend that evening. Thanks for letting me vent. That song reminded me of all of this.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 14, 2017 at 10:40pm

I don,t know if this linkWill's a song I'd never heard b4...but it seemed to fit how I am feeling tonight. Thanks for putting up with me. I should b ok by, this Sunday morning...I just have to get through Saturday, June 17th. That I would b alone on that day never even entered my mind...not in my wildest dreams.
Comment by Chicago Beard on June 14, 2017 at 6:44pm

Mary Jane
Great song with a great message. A message every one of us here would live up to!

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 14, 2017 at 4:36pm
I try to take a nap every day..and b4/if I fall asleep I do a lot of thinking about stuff. TODAY I thought of Chuck and Steve...and how brave, and blessed they both are. You two have a second chance, a third life! Maybe this was written in the universe? Who's to say...we are All going to die...and who knows what beings have done in their past lives? I think this was meant to be..and I am so happy that through all the pain and horror you were meant to live out the rest of your lives together. That is pretty awesome.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 14, 2017 at 3:30pm

Hello all,

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the first day Larry and I met in 1983, and also of the day we had our Civil Union in 2007. I posted this last year in two parts - I am only putting the first section on here today, as it describes our actual meeting face to face. This photo is the best I could do for now of how we looked back then.

This year is so very different from last, when I faced this day alone and still wondering if the words "we, us, and our" were pretty much out of my vocabulary for good. As it turns out, they are not.



June 15th, 1983             


Of course it would be 95 degrees and humid today…the kind of NJ summer day when you soak through your shirt in 2 minutes. The close air coming through the car window smells of exhaust, hot asphalt, and melting tar – the perfume of the road. At the stoplight you glance at your sweating face in the mirror asking again why you don’t have air conditioning, why June always feels like August, and especially why you ever agreed to meet this guy in the first place. You’ve been doing fine alone for years…well, OK at least. Someone knows someone they think is perfect for you, and suddenly you’re worrying if your deodorant will last the encounter, if he smokes (you do), and if he’ll take one look at the drowned rat climbing out of this steaming tin can of a car and make an excuse – something like “Oh, I just remembered I’m having emergency surgery tonight – I’ll call you…”


You pull into the arranged parking lot to follow him to his place, a nice neutral public area where you both feel safe and can peel out at the least sign of trouble, and there he is. Getting out of his car looking fresh, scrubbed, and cool as a cucumber as he walks back to meet you with a cigarette in his hand. OK, that’s not an issue, so now you look up and smile saying “You must be Larry – I’m Chuck” and hold out a damp hand while you feel a drop of sweat roll down your forehead. “Hi Chuck - I take it you don’t have air in there? Would you rather leave the car here and ride with me?” “No, I’ll be fine, if you don’t live too far – and I can borrow a dry towel to dry off!”


He laughs, and you see the kindness and humor in his striking blue eyes – and you think maybe this isn’t such a bad idea after all. And 33 years later you know it was not just a good idea – it was a miracle.


Comment by Mary. Jane on June 13, 2017 at 10:00pm
Thank you so much. I needed that.
Comment by Steve on June 13, 2017 at 9:53pm
We have 35 acres of woods behind us, which makes it easy to find a resting place far enough from the house. Nature is very efficient in taking care of its own. Do not feel bad about wrapping it in a box and placing it in a plastic bag for regular pick up. I think you took care of it the best way possible, love and caring enough to send it off with a prayer.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 13, 2017 at 8:47pm
Omg, I meant Steve and Chuck...I hate spell check.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 13, 2017 at 8:47pm
Ok, for Steve and buck...this is about your Herd of birds...I have been feeding my birds for about a year now..and yesterday,sadly, one of them died...on the front lawn. I was stunned. As in LIFE, I never thought of one of them I waited a day, then today I gently wrapped it in tissue paper, added a written prayer, and put it in a box..with the intention of digging a hole..but I don,t think I have the strength
To do that, and it might end up in the trash...which I feel horrible about...what do you guys do in a situation like this? I felt horrible when I saw it. It wasn,t gross or hadn,t been mauled by a cat or attacked by a was just death....But if I am going to feed them I am going to care for them in all ways.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 13, 2017 at 8:38pm
STeve, that is SUCH a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.

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