Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi yesterday. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Sandfly on June 17, 2017 at 8:04am

Hello everyone, I am so tired but can't sleep.Sitting in bed with my cat purring away and my husband's ashes next to me.Must get him a proper box, I just want something really special  for him.

I have been having pains in my chest and palpitations and ended up going to the cardiologist. The good news is that I m not sick , my heart is just broken. I am quite proud of myself because I used to drink wine every night but I have stopped completely 2 months ago because it made me depressed afterwards.I am really missing it right now though.There is no respite to this pain,no hope for tomorrow. I don't see the point in being here at all. I try so hard to be grateful for what I have, and for what I have had. I pray for inspiration, to find a reason to live, to be compassionate and help others. I am still here because checking out is too selfish. I actually tried it the night they told me on the phone my husband died, while I was on the other side of the world. I failed. Just took a bunch of pills but got discovered quite quickly. I was in shock really. It just complicated things and I felt quite stupid afterwards. For failing, for actually trying to do it and I know I would never do it again. I have a goal which is to complete and publish my husband's book which was 3/4 finished when he died.  I gave myself till the end of this year but  every time I started looking I broke down so I gave myself more time. There is so much to do. It is a huge learning curve. He was so talented and clever. He was so kind. In the middle of winter he would get up before dawn and prepare warm sugar water for the birds. He loved birds. He used to say  he envied them soaring in the sky and he was sure they sometimes flew just for pure pleasure. I imagine his spirit to be  a beautiful energy of sparkles and light, whizzing around the universe just for fun. Free.

Comment by Marsha H on June 16, 2017 at 3:01pm

Michael ...  I am so sorry of the passing of your wife.  My husband passed away in 2011 of pancreatic cancer and was far too ill to receive chemo.  I can understand how difficult it was for you.  It is very normal in grief to feel as you do and even now after 6 1/2 years I still talk to my dear husband in our home or car and miss him like crazy, but, I find time going by and being on this site really helped me over the rough spots and now I remember my husband with fond memories and can get on with my life because I realized I was stronger than I thought I was.  Oh yes, I think of him often and still can get teary-eyed every so often.

Yes, I had difficulties being around not only my own small immediate family because I knew they didn't understand the great loss I had suffered and they tried to act as normal as possible for my sake, but I'd look at that empty chair at their dinner table and tear-up and it's been just the past 3 years I've been able to keep in contact with my husband's family.  I have to admit seeing his sister who resembles him  a lot difficult even though I was welcomed with open arms.  It just wasn't the same of course.  When you are ready reach out to her family as her parents lost a daughter and if she had siblings they lost a sister.  Each person grieves in their own way.  It could be for you the fear of crying in front of them or not knowing what to say, but please remember her family also misses her and you were part of her life and looking after her lovingly and they would certainly understand that.  Like it or not 'time' sets the course and you may become close with her family or, you may distance yourself as the years go by, but please give it a try.  Don't be afraid to express your absence.

Please keep coming here as we all completely understand how you feel and the problems grief can cause anyone of us.

A big hug (because you need it)


Comment by Sara Murphy on June 16, 2017 at 2:14pm

Chuck......I just read that today is the anniversary of your first meeting Larry and of your civil union.   I'm glad this year will be easier for you with Steve by your side.  I'm glad you're a "we" again, something I can't ever imagine for myself.  My brain won't allow it.

Oh, and ps........when you move to the Dallas area, you WILL need air conditioning.  No more drowned rat.

Comment by Sara Murphy on June 16, 2017 at 11:27am

Steve.......I just finished reading your story of finding your feathers and of how your friendship with Chuck developed into something more.  Thank you so much for sharing it.  I feel a deeper connection to you both just from reading what transpired over those months.  And there is certainly no doubt now that Mark and Larry pushed you both along to the path you are now on together. 

Love you both and wish you loads of happiness.


Comment by Chicago Beard on June 16, 2017 at 9:31am

My Rose also suffered cancer which she beat. However, the chemotherapy damaged her heart and that is what eventually took her from me. I am still in contact with her side of the family although none of them live near me. I have almost no family left on my side so it is not an issue.

Comment by Deb S on June 16, 2017 at 8:10am

Michael, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife on your son's 18th birthday. I lost my husband on July 22, 2015. I no longer hear from his family. I initiate contact but hear nothing in return. It breaks my heart because we were close enough to enjoy vacationing together as well as frequent phone calls and get-togethers. My husband and I also hosted 3 family reunions where folks arrived from near and far.

I don't know how to handle it. I miss them and the fun times we had together. At the same time, it hurts to be forgotten. HUGS and prayers to you as you deal with these family issues.  Debbie

Comment by Michael Smith on June 16, 2017 at 7:35am

Hi everyone.

My wife and I were given the diagnosis of her cancer two months after her 41st birthday. We were told she would do chemo until she couldn't handle it anymore. She fought for 2 and a half years. She died October 28th 2015, it was our middle sons 18th birthday. She was at home in our living room, a room I still have trouble going into. I talk to her every day and cry most of them. I realized this past weekend that I have trouble getting around family. Especially her side. I'm just wondering if this is something others have experienced?

Comment by Marsha H on June 16, 2017 at 4:38am

My dear big brother Chuck ....  I'm thinking of you on this special day and I'm praying it will be full of wonderful memories and not so much sadness.  You have a new future now and I know Larry and Mark would be thrilled for the two of you.  Dance my friend! 

Thank you for the beautiful story and I do love the picture of the two of you.  It's a beautiful photo and one can almost read what is going through both your minds (love, peace and joy in life.)

Your loving sister


Comment by Marsha H on June 16, 2017 at 4:35am

Mary.Jane ...  I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer on the 17th.  Remember, you are not alone as all of us here will be thinking of you on this special day. 

Be careful my dear friend with drinking as it can catch up to you.  Many a time I feel like 'getting a blast from the past' and shutting out the world, but I don't dare do it as there is a lot of alcoholism in my family so my brother and I are super careful.  I trust you and know you will curb the drinking.  I hope you aren't angry at me, but I care and I just have to say what is in my heart because I want the very best for you in life and in your future.



Comment by Chicago Beard on June 15, 2017 at 3:01pm


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