Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 16 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by Steve Jul 14.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane Jul 1.
Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6.
Sandfly ... It is very normal to have sleepless night in raw grief and every so often when you are more settled in life. Thanks heavens for our pets as they too feel our grief and miss our other half. I have a lovely Mahogany Box with my husband's ashes in them and also ashes of our past beloved pets and when I pass away my family will set the ashes free altogether. You could also look at Urns if you prefer that.
I too had pains in my chest and was checked out, but it's a broken heart that causes that and will not cause a heart attack. I know it's so easy to want to have the odd drink of alcohol and I could of, but stayed away from it as there is a lot of alcoholism in my family. If you can't sleep night after night then please see your doctor. Sleep and eating as best you can is essential to get through the grieving process and going for walks is also very important. Thankfully my dogs got me up and walking and I've been doing it every since.
With your raw grief of course it's normal to feel as if your very soul has been torn out of your body; your heart aches and you feel alone (you can feel alone in a roomful of people) and feelings of no future, but there is a future for you and it's called, 'reinventing yourself.' You will get stronger and better Sandfly so keep on moving and doing what you can manage. Come here often and just vent. If you can find the energy to do it try volunteering for a few hours because it does help. I will admit that when my beautiful husband passed away in Hospice I just wished I could have done something to go with him, but it was not to be and that is quite normal as well. I never did try to end my life for some strange reason. Even all the heartache I went through and can still go through it's my dogs that keep me going as they too are getting older and need me. Right now I find the loneliness the worse of grief.
Don't push you yourself or be too hard on yourself trying to finish off your husband's book. When in raw grief it is such a shock that one can't concentrate so wait until you have had time to heal where you can think clearly. I too am writing a book about grief in hopes of helping others who are grieving, but there it sits in my computer as I go up/down with my emotions. I know I will finish it eventually and so will you.
Your husband sounds much like mine and he was also very patient, kind, loved all animals, bird (Robins were his favorite) and I just noticed early in the evening last night that Humming Birds have started to come around and they never did before. I take that as a sign from my beloved.
Sandfly, rest, try to eat as best you can, see your doctor so you can have a better sleep. Although right now you feel as if the world has collapsed around you and everything you were use to and sharing with your spouse is gone you WILL get through this and you are stronger than you think. To come here and read posts is concrete evidence you are not alone with you pain going through the journey of grief and we're here to help in any way possible.
Hello everyone, I am so tired but can't sleep.Sitting in bed with my cat purring away and my husband's ashes next to me.Must get him a proper box, I just want something really special for him.
I have been having pains in my chest and palpitations and ended up going to the cardiologist. The good news is that I m not sick , my heart is just broken. I am quite proud of myself because I used to drink wine every night but I have stopped completely 2 months ago because it made me depressed afterwards.I am really missing it right now though.There is no respite to this pain,no hope for tomorrow. I don't see the point in being here at all. I try so hard to be grateful for what I have, and for what I have had. I pray for inspiration, to find a reason to live, to be compassionate and help others. I am still here because checking out is too selfish. I actually tried it the night they told me on the phone my husband died, while I was on the other side of the world. I failed. Just took a bunch of pills but got discovered quite quickly. I was in shock really. It just complicated things and I felt quite stupid afterwards. For failing, for actually trying to do it and I know I would never do it again. I have a goal which is to complete and publish my husband's book which was 3/4 finished when he died. I gave myself till the end of this year but every time I started looking I broke down so I gave myself more time. There is so much to do. It is a huge learning curve. He was so talented and clever. He was so kind. In the middle of winter he would get up before dawn and prepare warm sugar water for the birds. He loved birds. He used to say he envied them soaring in the sky and he was sure they sometimes flew just for pure pleasure. I imagine his spirit to be a beautiful energy of sparkles and light, whizzing around the universe just for fun. Free.
Michael ... I am so sorry of the passing of your wife. My husband passed away in 2011 of pancreatic cancer and was far too ill to receive chemo. I can understand how difficult it was for you. It is very normal in grief to feel as you do and even now after 6 1/2 years I still talk to my dear husband in our home or car and miss him like crazy, but, I find time going by and being on this site really helped me over the rough spots and now I remember my husband with fond memories and can get on with my life because I realized I was stronger than I thought I was. Oh yes, I think of him often and still can get teary-eyed every so often.
Yes, I had difficulties being around not only my own small immediate family because I knew they didn't understand the great loss I had suffered and they tried to act as normal as possible for my sake, but I'd look at that empty chair at their dinner table and tear-up and it's been just the past 3 years I've been able to keep in contact with my husband's family. I have to admit seeing his sister who resembles him a lot difficult even though I was welcomed with open arms. It just wasn't the same of course. When you are ready reach out to her family as her parents lost a daughter and if she had siblings they lost a sister. Each person grieves in their own way. It could be for you the fear of crying in front of them or not knowing what to say, but please remember her family also misses her and you were part of her life and looking after her lovingly and they would certainly understand that. Like it or not 'time' sets the course and you may become close with her family or, you may distance yourself as the years go by, but please give it a try. Don't be afraid to express your absence.
Please keep coming here as we all completely understand how you feel and the problems grief can cause anyone of us.
A big hug (because you need it)
Chuck......I just read that today is the anniversary of your first meeting Larry and of your civil union. I'm glad this year will be easier for you with Steve by your side. I'm glad you're a "we" again, something I can't ever imagine for myself. My brain won't allow it.
Oh, and ps........when you move to the Dallas area, you WILL need air conditioning. No more drowned rat.
Steve.......I just finished reading your story of finding your feathers and of how your friendship with Chuck developed into something more. Thank you so much for sharing it. I feel a deeper connection to you both just from reading what transpired over those months. And there is certainly no doubt now that Mark and Larry pushed you both along to the path you are now on together.
Love you both and wish you loads of happiness.
Michael My Rose also suffered cancer which she beat. However, the chemotherapy damaged her heart and that is what eventually took her from me. I am still in contact with her side of the family although none of them live near me. I have almost no family left on my side so it is not an issue.
Michael, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife on your son's 18th birthday. I lost my husband on July 22, 2015. I no longer hear from his family. I initiate contact but hear nothing in return. It breaks my heart because we were close enough to enjoy vacationing together as well as frequent phone calls and get-togethers. My husband and I also hosted 3 family reunions where folks arrived from near and far.
I don't know how to handle it. I miss them and the fun times we had together. At the same time, it hurts to be forgotten. HUGS and prayers to you as you deal with these family issues. Debbie
My wife and I were given the diagnosis of her cancer two months after her 41st birthday. We were told she would do chemo until she couldn't handle it anymore. She fought for 2 and a half years. She died October 28th 2015, it was our middle sons 18th birthday. She was at home in our living room, a room I still have trouble going into. I talk to her every day and cry most of them. I realized this past weekend that I have trouble getting around family. Especially her side. I'm just wondering if this is something others have experienced?
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