Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: 7 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi yesterday. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on June 23, 2017 at 3:39pm

Dear Family ...  Once again I'm in a pickle and need some constructive advice. 

My spouse Ernie's cousin is getting married on July 1st of this year.  It is going to be held up at a lodge not far from me.  I did not receive an invitation until last night when the cousin and his fiancé came up my driveway, handed me the invitation and said that they are very late and disorganized getting the invitations out.  I felt like I was a last thought as they have never kept in touch with me since Ernie's passing.  The other issue is the lodge where they are having the wedding is where Ernie and I said our vows again for our 25th Wedding Anniversary and I know it's going to make me feel sad.  On top of that the Matron of Honor and Best Man for this wedding are the same ones that stood up for us at our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  I just don't know if I can hack it and feel like it's a last minute invitation.  I won't know that many people there either.  So, any help will be great from any of you and I'll appreciate it for sure.


Comment by Marsha H on June 23, 2017 at 4:22am

I hope all of you believe in this song.  I've left it many times before, but wanted to leave again for the newer members. 

We all wonder why we have had our spouses pass on leaving us with an aching heart and if the very breath has been stolen from us.  We see the world in a different light now.  This is my belief ...  It didn't happen just by chance that we met our spouses and they met us; it was planned!  With the great love we had with our spouses I'm a firm believer whether religious or not that one day we will see our beloved spouses again and this song pretty much says it all:

I hope it gives each of you peace and BELIEVE!

Much love,


Comment by Mary. Jane on June 22, 2017 at 6:03pm
Thank you, Micheal. Your words are very sweet. I think you do a wonderful job of expressing your feelings...and your lack of focus is a symptom of grief. I REALLY have it..and it shows up here when I start typing about a subject, and go off on a whole different area in the same post.
I don,t have ANY focus at home either, so if something is important, I have to write it down so I will remember.
Melanie is a very pretty name, and I totally believe you seeing the Mickey Mouse items are sent from her!
I talk to Bob all day long..and he REALLY helps me FIND things...I am always misplacing everything..things I just had in my hand, that I cannot find anywhere..and when I ask him to find them..I SWEAR they sort of just APPEAR! Happens every time.
Do you have days that you feel Melanie is close to you? As if she is standing next to you? I do sometimes, but mostly I feel BOb is somewhere above me, watching from afar..hopefully to protect me.
Comment by Michael Smith on June 22, 2017 at 12:57pm

Mary Jane  I hope you are having a better day. I haven't been coming here very long but i really enjoy reading the words of encouragement from everyone. 

I'm not very good about expressing my feelings though. I start to type something and lose my thought before I finish most of the time. My wife's name was Melanie and she was a huge mickey mouse fan. When i happen to see a mickey item i believe it is her saying hi. telling me she is watching over me and our boys. 



Comment by Mary. Jane on June 22, 2017 at 12:11pm
Thanks for replying. I really appreciate your responses. I am afraid I am getting addicted to this site.
Comment by Marsha H on June 21, 2017 at 5:37am

Dear Mary.Jane ...  What a beautiful song, but I do think we will see our beloved spouses when our time comes.  I also believe for at least a little while they are very close to us until we have more strength and can stand on our own two feet.

I am so sorry to hear you are having so many bad days.  You always brighten up Legacy with your true love and caring so please, never think you don't have a place to go as we're your extended family and willing and able to comfort you as best we can.



Comment by Sandfly on June 21, 2017 at 4:33am

Mary Jane I am thinking of you. How many times we forget for a second they are not here and then WHAM! We remember and it feels like it just happened. I was walking home from work tonight and I swear for a second it was all normal, there was a pretty sunset,I was going home, and David was there waiting for me. Then I remembered and I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart.It almost knocked me over. Sending you hugs and I pray that your day will be a little better tomorrow.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 20, 2017 at 10:12pm
This has been one of the most terrible days ever.sorry to hijack this site with so many posts. I just DIDN,t know where else to go.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 20, 2017 at 10:18am
You wake you get out of are careful not to disturb your sleeping partner, as you exit the bed...sometimes, you even take a few steps..trying to be quiet..and then you are alone.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 19, 2017 at 2:41pm
OMG!..STEVE..using a lamp for your loved ones remains in the coolest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen!! The symbolism of shining his light through the depths of darkness is so touching! Plus, the fact that you built it for him, and you...and your new life where he can still light up your world...I have never even imagined such a lovely way to both honor a loved one, and at the same time, sort of !"keep his light with you always"
While I wish I could keep Bobs ashes with me forever, he ALWAYS said how important if was to him that his ashes be scattered in a certain place he loved..but (It's ok to laugh here...) he granted me permission to keep,some of the with me always.
I must tell you all, Bob was ALWAYS afraid of cancer..even when he was in his 20's, it was like he always knew how he would die. I am just now realizing how TERRIFIED he was of knowing this. FEar ruled a major part of his life...and when he would get sick during his life, when he was younger, he would never see a doctor...because he knew they would find cancer. So during any illness, fear made him really grumpy and in horrible moods when ever he got sick.
Sooo, when he was diagnosed with cancer, everyone expected him to be very difficult to deal with emotionally. To our SHOCK, he was just the opposite. He was NOT freaked out, his moods were always good, laughing, I won,t go as far as saying he was 'happy' but I think he was. He had ALWAYS known this would happen, and he spent his entire life being afraid of it..and when it actually DID happen, he wasn,t afraid anymore. The difference in his attitude was astonishing. During the entire 4 months from diagnosis to death, he was loving, BRAVE, funny, he never complained, he wasn,t angry anymore...because he DIDN,t have to be afraid anymore.
We both knew as soon as he was diagnosed, that he would never recover. We never put that into words, but it was never an issue of "If" but one of "WHEN"
Ok, Sorry this post turned from a lovely lamp, into this..but sometimes I start trying, and go off into a completely different direction. I would like to tell you where he wants his ashes scattered, but that's for another post...I am done with this story for now..but it is great to have y'all to tell this to, and I thank you all.

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