Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 3 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by Russ Macaluso 4 hours ago.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane on Sunday.
Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6.
Sarah, Thank you. I am concentrating today on all of the happy times and memories from our life together. It helps to focus on the positive. We had some amazing experiences and I am blessed beyond belief to have spent so many years with him by my side.
Bob's death was not from any particular illness. He was fine and apparently healthy until he was not fine or healthy anymore. I declined an autopsy knowing the cause was not going to change the outcome. This was a personal decision. I don't want others on this site to misinterpret my mentioning this choice. I could have gone either way but came to this decision based on prior conversations where he made clear that he didn't want this option.
His death certificate attributes his death to multiple organ failure due to toxic shock syndrome. The medical team was not able to discover what was attacking his body and causing the massive infection that hit him in a NY minute. They pumped him with series of antibiotics and continued to add machines. He had also made clear that he did not want to be kept alive artificially. I had to make the impossibly difficult decision to remove life support. I then held his hand for the next 14 hours and took it all in.
He remains the love of my life. I am blessed beyond measure. I will continue to move forward. For now, I am taking a couple of more days off from the hustle and bustle of life to just be.
I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Debbie
Debbie....I'm sorry you've been having an extra hard time lately. It's so hard for those of us who watched our spouses suffer with illness. Those moments keep flashing and we relive them over and over. I too still relive the last days of Ken's life. For the first 14 months after he passed, I couldn't close my eyes at night without those last couple hours playing out as if on a big screen. I had no control. I hope you're feeling a little better. I also hope that along with these tough memories are the good, fun memories of your life together.
Thinking of you.
Marsha, Thanks for your sweet post. I've been absent for a bit. I hit a very rough spot about a month ago as I began reliving the events of two years ago. I gave myself time to just "be". I read the book, Option B, and joined the FB page. I find that the posts are overwhelming - so much pain and grief. There are supportive posts too but the raw posts are more than I can handle presently.
Two years ago today I was sitting vigil with my sweet husband in the critical care unit. He was receiving incredible care - a team of more than 50 professionals were trying desperately to determine what was causing mounting multiple organ failure. The team leader was brilliant and kind. It seemed that every time I saw him he said "we have to talk about your wishes." I responded that we had just talked about my wishes a short time ago. He responded that "he has gotten worse". I thought to myself: how could he be worse? His lungs, kidneys, and liver had failed. The doctor responded that he had recently suffered two strokes and his cells have now failed. Incredible. I quickly received an abbreviated course in critical care medicine and realized that the best medical team available anywhere was not going to be able to make a difference in the outcome.
Fortunately, I had supportive family and friends that came to be with me. I continued what would end up being an 89 hour bedside vigil by his side. I held his hand and communicated with him.
I am remembering each and every moment of that day while feeling so blessed that this lovely man and I spent so much time together. God bless. Debbie
Dear Deb ... It's always wonderful to see you post. I miss you! Happy you like the song and as I said, 'pretty much says it all.'
Mary.Jane ... Sorry, but I laughed so hard over that story. I don't like spiders either! I can see where you would be grossed out. The other day I went to put garbage in my green bin and there were maggots everywhere. I was beside myself! It's the hot weather causing it and the neighbors I've talked to have the same problem. Suddenly it got cooler and they completely disappeared. It's the disappearing that gives me the creeps! LOL
Mary Jane.....Yes, that sounds like the right commercial.
I also believe in reincarnation. I've been reading a book about life on the other side written by Medium Sylvia Brown. Some of what she says I don't agree with but much of it, I can relate to. I've always believed that the date of our death is written before we're even born and she says things that back that up. Also, she talks about how we already know people from Heaven so when we meet them here, we feel that pull, that recognition of "I feel like I've know you my whole life". I've always felt that Ken and I have walked through past lives together and you and Bob probably did as well. In fact, Ken told me on our second date that he was going to marry me because he just knew. Same with you and Bob, your souls just knew you were meant to be together.
Chuck, How are you doing my friend? I have been absent for a bit. You and Steve remain in my thoughts as you begin the arduous process of packing and sorting. I know how difficult a process it is to move. It is a challenging and perhaps even a grueling task when one revisits the many memories often associated with "stuff". Those memories can precipitate instant tears or laughter. Hugs and prayers remain with you as you take the steps necessary to make this positive move happen. Love, Deb
Marsha, Thank you for posting the youtube link to Faith Hill's song. It is beautiful and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in sharing it with us. Debbie
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